Anyone who know me will tell you that I'm normally a very controlled and composed person. At my office, I am brought into stressful situations to be a moderator, since others seem to think I can "keep my cool" and talk both sides into an agreeable outcome with a calming affect.
HA! Today I am nothing but a mess - a raging, weeping absolute mess. I couldn't even have enough composure to get through a phone call to my dr without totally breaking down......I feel so out of control and helpless.....
This is not who I am. I hate it. I hate me. These hormones are wreaking havoc on the person I strive to be. I just want to run away somewhere and hide. But I can't. I have too many responsibilities, demands, from family, from work, and the animals on the ranch. I can't even "run away" with my hubby for a weekend.....no time, no money.....no one to watch the kids.
OK - enough of this. Maybe I should have posted this under the "Rant" subject heading. I just feel so depressed, and alone, and out of control. I don't know what else to do. Waiting for a call back from my Dr.
__________________ me 28
DH Jack 65
DX PCOS 6-9-04
Endo 6-5-00
RX Yasmin
Probiotic
(Dr. is currently debating wether or not to put me on Met or similar med)
Start with breathing. Seriously. Lay down, and focus on taking deep breaths. If it helps you relax, imagine that you are breathing in a white light and it fills your body. That should help you calm down a bit. (well, it helps me anyways!) Maybe a bubble bath?
I'm a bit of a control freak....or rather, I'm a recovering control freak. I wanted to control all aspects of my life. It's been much easier for me now that I have accepted that what will be, will be. I take it as it comes. It's hard for me, but I'm getting there. A book called "The Power of Now" by Eckhard Tolle really helped me.
What brought on this sort of break down? Perhaps you're taking on too many things. Are there responsiblities that you can get out of? (or pass off on someone else?) I know it sounds kinda lame, but sometimes saying no to someone else really means saying yes to yourself. You seem like you need some time alone, to focus on you.
__________________ -diagnosed October 2002
-Meds: Alesse, metformin, Cytomel, Wellbutrin
-light therapy with a goLITE for seasonal depression
-yoga & meditation almost daily, because it makes me feel good
I agree with hopeless, breathing is so helpful when things get alittle out of control. I hope things get better for you soon.
Take care and stay safe,
Mel
__________________ The Journey of 1000 Miles Begins With a Single Step.
(((hugs)))
That is what's so awful about this illness. It takes away our feeling of control over our lives. That is a huge problem for me, I know! You feel trapped.
All I can say is, I have recovered before, to a GREAT quality of life. While I'm feeling really awful right now, I know it is possible to get better.....take care, ok?
Marit
__________________ -29 year old female, dx 2005, symptoms ~10 years
-High testosterone, cortisol, aldosterone, androstenedione, free androgen index, no apparent insulin resistance however
-off all hormone meds since having pulmonary embolism in August 2009
-Main symptoms: weight gain (especially annoying in mid-section/abdomen), high androgens, very low progesterone, no periods unless on OC
-fortunate to have very good bp, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc., no hirsutism.
An Out-of-Control Control Freak 
