Overwhelmed

Juana Baby · 12-05-2002, 12:41 AM

I realize my signature says not to worry, but I have to tell myself that daily - probably why it is my signature, LOL.

I have finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. A teacher. So, after working two jobs each day, I am going to school in the evenings. Right now I am so overwhelmed by everything. I have tests, finals, papers, projects, not to mention what I have to remember what I need to do for my jobs.

On Tuesday, December 10, 2002, my husband and I will have been together for four years. We were not Christians at the time, and so we started our relationship early and it will be our fourth year of TTC. I looked at my calendar this morning and could not figure out what all the numbers meant on each sunday, when I realized that December 22, 2002, would have been week #40. My EDD was 12-23-02, but I m/c back in May. I know that God will give us children. We don't know how we will get them, whether naturally or by adoption. But we have faith that our family will soon include little ones. I just am impatient and want it now.

Please remember me in your prayers that I can make it through this month. I really need some support.

laural

HISIRISHGEM · 12-05-2002, 01:09 AM

Hi Laurel!!

I just want to say first of all...that many of us have to remind ourselves not to worry.....to have faith..over and over and over....our repetitive prayers to pray for faith and peace, I believe, make us strong....HUMAN BEINGS that know the love of Jesus Christ. That my dear...is Faith!

I too am having issues with ttc......but I believe that we all will be blessed with His timing. I'm so excited and I don't even know the date yet!!lol Oh yeah, I get depressed sometimes, but I've claimed that baby in our lives.......He says to ask and we shall receive......as long as we're being righteous and true. So keep pushing through it, and know that we're praying for you!!

Keri in AZ · 12-05-2002, 02:05 PM

Laurel, I will surely remember you in my prayers. ttc is sometimes a long journey! My husband and I were not christians either when we met, so I can understand that. We also have been ttc for just over 4 years. We started the day we got married. It's taken us this long to get here. But I agree with Rebekah, everything is on His time. He knows what is best for us. Sometimes I don't understand it, but I do believe it. You will have the baby or babies you want in your life. We all struggle with worries. I am continuously worrying now that something bad will happen. I just have to pray that Jesus will be with me, protecting me and my little one. And of course make me feel peaceful! So I will keep you in my prayers. Will you also keep us in yours?

your sister in Christ,
Keri

paragrap · 12-05-2002, 02:08 PM

Laural,

I'm sorry to hear that you have so many burdens right now. I understand how hard it is to be patient with TTC, I have to constantly pray for faith and patience for myself. I know that the Lord will bless us with a child when the time is right but it is very hard to wait. I am so sorry to hear about your loss last May. I will keep you in my thoughts and I will pray that the Lord will give you strength and patience through this very hard month. God Bless!

Jennifer

Juana Baby · 12-08-2002, 11:59 PM

Thank you all for your support. I took a sick day on Thursday and stayed in bed until 11:00 a.m., which is unusual for me because I normally get up for work at 5:00. I had had a rough two days before with a parent at my school yelling at me for two days. I was even getting up in the middle of the night crying about it.

As far as I know I did okay on my test Friday. I finished my project today to be turned in tomorrow. Then my final is next Monday, the 16th.

I spoke with my ob/gyn and he has decided to put me on Glucophage and clomid. So, I started everything, and we will probably do an IUI in January if we have the finances for it. Insurance does not pay for it.

We had a great sermon in church this morning, and it really made me feel a lot better about things. It was funny, the pastor was talking about these great men in the bible who received the answers to their prayers - men such as Moses, James, Matthew, Paul. And he said, what do all these men have in common? They are all dead. Even if God answers our prayers, we will all die. I really don't know if this makes sense the way I am putting it, but it really made me stop and think about it all.

Happy Holidays.

laural

HISIRISHGEM · 12-09-2002, 12:25 AM

Laural,

I'm so glad that things are getting back on track. I totally feel burnt out these past few weeks with one of our fosterdaughters (who recently was placed with a new family) acting out in violence at me, having to have that MRI, then the Endometrium biopsy, then being put on insulin, taking provera.....finding out that I should hold off on ttc this month (my first month of clomid) in order to stabalize my insulin levels so our baby won't end up with birth defects, and just overall being mad at everyone and everything......including myself for letting everything get this far (even some I couldn't help) and God for not healing me and leaving me with taking insulin shots, two drugs for thyroid, a drug for hyperprolactinemia, and most likely adding more insulin because my levels haven't gone down at all with this Lantus insulin he prescribed. Emotionally I'm at my whitts end and its so hard to find the faith to move on.

Today, I didn't go to church because I was so mad....and sick (with a cold, hormones because AF will be arriving, and the trots) My husband and fosterdaughter came back so excited because they got tickets to our Christmas concert at church. I wasn't going to go, until I felt something nudge at me 15 min. before the concert started. To spite the trots, I got dressed and went with them only to find I was so glad we had gone. At one point I remember the narrator talking about placing baby Jesus in the manger because the INN was closed for them. When that statement was said, I started to think about the question I had asked my DH a few hours before while in tears of frustration and inner pain Doug, why doesn't God just heal me, why can't I just be healed from this sickness and not have to take ALL these pills anymore. I know He has that power, why doesn't He do it?? Did I do something wrong to deserve this??

I noticed that our Heavenly Father didn't give Jesus total comfort right from the beginning. That even though I am not the savior, there is a reason that I too have to go through this. I'm not sure why, and I'm still a bit sad, but I know that not only did Jesus not have it easy as a child, but He had it much worse at the cross when He died for my sins. These were my thoughts in my moment of grief and i asked my Heavenly Father, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, to forgive me for the remarks I had made earlier. I asked for direction, and for strength to get through this time in my life.......and I'm thankful. Thankful that I can go through these rough times and have not only my husband recite Gods word to me when I don't want to be bothered with it, but that Jesus doesn't give up on me when I'm at my whitts end.

I also wanted to ask you, because I'm a fairly new Christian, what that meant..........about the men having in common their death...and that even if God answers our prayers we will still all die......I didn't understand it. I want to know more and understand what you were saying. Just wondering if you could elaborate on that for me since i'm still a fairly new Christian.

Thank you so much for keeping us posted as to how your doing. I'm still praying for you, me and several other cysters....I stand on the solid rock and know that God will come through for us and our wishes concerning children.

God Bless you!

Juana Baby · 12-10-2002, 01:15 AM

Dear Becky:

The sermon yesterday was on "How to Pray for Healing." It was based on James 5:13-? There are three questions that James asks 1) Is any one of you in trouble? 2) Is any one of you happy? 3) Is any one of you sick? God says that we are to pray about everything and that the greater the need, the larger the circle of prayer should be. I feel like you cysters on this board are my circle of prayer at times of need. The Pastor also said that there is extra power in numbers and persistence (Matthew 18:19-20). Fix your eyes on Jesus and watch and see what he can do. Basically the steps to pray for healing are to 1) stop hiding unconfessed sins 2) Bind together with other prayer warriors 3) a simple trust that nothing is impossible for God to heal, restore or remove. I ask, but the Lord decides.

One thing the Pastor said that really took me by surprise was that "It is more important to be forgiven than to be healed physically". I think this is when he mentioned the men, such as Moses, James, and Paul. These men had a great deal in common, they were leaders, sinners who had been forgiven, and great prayer warriors. But even with all of the prayer in the world, eventually we must follow the Lord, and give up our earthly bodies. So, some things are not as important as others.

I hope this makes more sense. I don't know why I put that in my last post other than it really made sense to me at the time, but when I wrote it out, it did not come across as making sense. LOL- know what I mean?

Happy Holidays!

laural

HISIRISHGEM · 12-10-2002, 01:24 AM

I remember our pastor explaining something similar......I also remember my DH and I talking about that. Thank you for reminding me about whats important...what God wants for us, and what Gods will for us is!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE SHEARER'S