I hate to say this, but I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH SOME OF THESE ADOPTION AGENCIES WANT TO ADOPT A CHILD !!!!
It makes me feel bad that I feel this way. I don't mind paying the money, but I just can't believe how much it costs. I mean, of course the child would be well worth it, but man I feel like I'm buying a baby ..... isn't that against the law??? Just kidding.
I know they say this cost is for therapy for the moms and medical, etc.
Anyone else felt this way that has already adopted????
As if PCOS is not enough now I have to come up with 25-50K to have a child (after 15K already spent on failed IVF). Man....we've really got the bad end of the stick
Sorry to be a downer, any responses will be appreciated.
Thanks Cysters!!!
__________________ Me (33) & DH (35)
TTC 12 Years
Dx PCOS circa 1994
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I was just talking about this with DH the other day. I knew that it was costly,,BUT WOW!!!!!! ((((HUGS)))) I am not sure what WV cost of adoption is??
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I know!! I don't know what I would do without my cysters!! (((HUGS)))
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
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Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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First of all, I know in the beginning it's all very overwhelming. I've been in the same position myself. Not only are you slapped with the sting of IF and treatments, now in order to have a baby someone wants you to pay. That can be tough--and you need to do a bit of soul searching to see if you are even ready to look at adoption.
It depends what type of adoption you are looking into when you quote a figure as high as you have. There are local state adoptions that will cost your family next to nothing, there are agencies such as the one I am using that will cost the lower end of what you quoted, and there are others that are higher in the range you listed. It all depends on where you are looking.
I know you think it sounds like you are "buying a child". That's a pretty offensive way to look at it so I think you'll need to research not only countries and agencies, but your heart, to make sure adoption is right for you. In my daughters cases we paid for travel, country fees, orphange fees (for the year they cared for them), etc...I in NO WAY "bought my child".
In the end, you will NEVER think of buying your baby....your baby will be a gift to you just as if you bore her yourself. My daughter, and my future daughter, are to me NO different than the child I birthed and when I look at her I don't suddenly see dollar signs.
Good luck in your journey. I hope you find what you're looking for.
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~13 year old (born preemie @ 24 weeks), 5.5 year old & 3.5 year old (both born in China!)~
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I just want to validate your feelings and tell you that I am right there with you on the sting of the costs. My husband and I have searched our heart and know that adoption is for us. That doesn't make $20,000 come out of thin air, either (I think that we figured out that would be the rough cost for us) We are put in the position to actually weigh the costs, where fertile people just make their baby the old fashined way.
DH and I are in the process now where we have to choose between IVF, donor eggs and adoption. It seems to me that with adoption, our chances are better of coming out on the other side with a baby. The pain of a miscarriage after IVF would be quadrupled if we had used up our resources and could literally afford not to adopt.
I know you are not "buying" a baby when you choose adoption, but when you hand over $20,000 to your RE,???...really what is the difference? One way or another, you are paying someone to provide a service for you, to work on your behalf to get you what you want.
Nascar, good luck with your decision. We too didnt feel that we could afford the costs associated with private adoption, so we took the public route through social services. We brought our son home just 6 months after applying to the program, at 3 months of age.
the thing to remember about the costs though is all the fees you do pay are broken down for you, and its not like you are paying someone in a trench coat in a back alley, and it is not due all at once either.
good luck with your decision
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Well, from your post it sounds like you could at least afford adoption. That's a big step above where I am. DH and I have NO IDEA where the money for adoption will come from if we have to go that route. I know we could save it but frankly it would take several years and the way I see it I'm already getting too old to just be starting on a child -- and DH won't even agree to stop preventing yet, let alone actively TTC. It's almost certain that I'll be over 30 when/if we have a child, and that breaks my heart. I don't see why God saw fit to give us this disease. It just isn't fair.
__________________ Kati (29)
DH Vince (27)
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Never TTC -- Straight to Adoption
DD Yuna
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I agree with Lisa (Lisa67). If you think you're buying a baby, maybe you need to search in your heart whether this is the right decision for you. Sit down and talk to DH about it and decide together if you would be willing to adopt.
Good Luck!
Traci
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What is wrong with being upset with this crappy disease that nature gave us, forcing us to choose other options than just having our own children, naturally? I am about as pro-adoption as it gets; I think it's a wonderful option and if we had the money and had been married long enough we would probably be in the process of adopting right now. I don't see anything wrong with thinking we got a bad deal with PCOS -- we did!
__________________ Kati (29)
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I agree wholeheartedly Kati--PCOS did give us all a raw deal.
But I also totally agree with Traci--the way things are phrased or looked at is extremely important. You can't go into an adoption thinking you are buying someone. Plain & simple.
Not meant to offend....meant to give my opinion, experience, and feelings. Hope you (and Nascar) understand.
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I never said anything about anyone getting a bad deal. Everyone (as well as their spouses) has gotten a raw deal if you have PCOS.
We're choosing to adopt b/c we would rather have a family now than to keep risking having more m/c's and harming my body more than it's already been harmed. We're choosing to adopt and the thought or words of "buying" a baby never came out of our mouths. Yes, it is expensive...I'm not denying that but most couples don't go w/ the thought of their buying their children.
That's the only thing I was commenting on b/c I completely agree with Lisa that it is offensive to think you're "buying a baby".
Traci
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Lisa 67 and angeleyes_1975, guys I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the phrasing I used last night of "buying a baby".
It's hard to put into words how I'm feeling. My husband and I have talked about adoption at length, so we know this is what we want to do. What I was trying to express is my disbelief in how much domestic adoption can cost. I understand how international adoption costs could be high with travel and such. It's not that I wouldn't spend the money in a second if I could be connected with my son or daughter. I just was trying to express my disbelief in the costs associated with adoption. We want a newborn so I have found out the costs will be high. I am very new at this process so I am just finding out what is what in the adoption world.
I've been TTC for almost 13 years now so if you guys really knew me you would know that I'm very desperate for a child. We have gone through 2 failed IVF cycles not to mention all of the other things that came before that. My husband and I own a small business together and we're not poor by any means, but money does not just grow on trees for us either (as it doesn't for anyone). So when I wrote that post last night I was coming from a place where in my world it always seems like the one thing standing between me and my desire to have a child is always $$$$$ (costs for IVF, adoption, etc.)
So, once again I am sorry if I offended anyone. That was not my intention. I am just as I stated in the post .............. OVERWHELMED.
Thanks for all the support ladies.
__________________ Me (33) & DH (35)
TTC 12 Years
Dx PCOS circa 1994
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Wow. Those are some pretty big numbers. I'm curious as to what kind of adoption, and where at, costs that much! We adopted DS from Colombia and it only cost us $13k including travel, lodging, meals, etc. After our tax credit, the whole thing cost us $3k! I know that we looked at Guatemala first and it was running around $30k with travel, but $50k?!
I was hoping my comment wouldn't be taken the wrong way...it wasn't meant to offend you either so please accept my apologies if it did.
I become very guarded and somewhat defensive when it comes to adoption. For many reasons. And when the price comes up so does my dander, I suppose! lol So, if you can just know that I totally understand your concern and confusion and disbelief in the price of the agency you are looking at. That's where I was at the beginning too, and also in part why we went international. Seeing the adorable faces was what closed the deal for me!
I wanted to lend you my support again. Lately I have been having a tough time with some adoption comments, both here and IRL (and one lady in town in particular) so I'm very sensitive about it. Sorry if any of that came out the wrong way to you.
I'm here if you need me though, so please know that.
XO
Lisa
Quote:
Originally Posted by NASCAR CYSTER
Me again.....
Lisa 67 and angeleyes_1975, guys I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the phrasing I used last night of "buying a baby".
It's hard to put into words how I'm feeling. My husband and I have talked about adoption at length, so we know this is what we want to do. What I was trying to express is my disbelief in how much domestic adoption can cost. I understand how international adoption costs could be high with travel and such. It's not that I wouldn't spend the money in a second if I could be connected with my son or daughter. I just was trying to express my disbelief in the costs associated with adoption. We want a newborn so I have found out the costs will be high. I am very new at this process so I am just finding out what is what in the adoption world.
I've been TTC for almost 13 years now so if you guys really knew me you would know that I'm very desperate for a child. We have gone through 2 failed IVF cycles not to mention all of the other things that came before that. My husband and I own a small business together and we're not poor by any means, but money does not just grow on trees for us either (as it doesn't for anyone). So when I wrote that post last night I was coming from a place where in my world it always seems like the one thing standing between me and my desire to have a child is always $$$$$ (costs for IVF, adoption, etc.)
So, once again I am sorry if I offended anyone. That was not my intention. I am just as I stated in the post .............. OVERWHELMED.
Thanks for all the support ladies.
__________________
Happily married for 19 years & mommy to 3 beautiful daughters
~13 year old (born preemie @ 24 weeks), 5.5 year old & 3.5 year old (both born in China!)~
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Overwhelmed at costs !!! 
I was just talking about this with DH the other day. I knew that it was costly,,BUT WOW!!!!!!
That's a pretty offensive way to look at it so I think you'll need to research not only countries and agencies, but your heart, to make sure adoption is right for you. In my daughters cases we paid for travel, country fees, orphange fees (for the year they cared for them), etc...I in NO WAY "bought my child".
