Can anybody shed any light on this?
I am pretty fed up with this from somebody I care about in my life and trying not to give up.
Can you shed light on your own perspective...if you deal with being P/A or am close to somebody P/A?
I joined a secret forum about P/A but everybody seems hopeless about it.
I think the best way to handle this type of behavior is to call people on it right as it happens. Just like a dog pooping in the living room, bring it to their attention the moment it leaves their mouth and maybe they can start to see what it is that they are saying.
My mother does this quite a bit, she talks about the person to someone else in the room "Oh, he just cant be bothered to do any work", instead of just saying it directly to the person. Now in her defense, somewhat, she is always direct about stuff in the beginning, its just when shes tired of saying it over and over again that she gets P/A.
Its a very frustrating trait, Im sorry you're dealing with it.
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I think practicing is a good way to start. When in a situation evaluate it and try to do the right thing YKWIM?
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I am trying to understand, why somebody could be so cruel and then when confronted with it, just get upset they are being confronted. Not feel bad that they made me feel bad. That is what I truly do not get.
I hate to admit it, but I'm passive aggressive. It drives my dh nuts!! I can give you a few suggestions on how to deal with this person/situation. If it's someone that means a lot to you, then just talk to him/her. Don't come out accusing (not saying that you would, just a little advice ). Tell him/her you were upset about what was said/done. May or may not work.
__________________ Shed my cocoon and became a Butterfly in 2007 May The Force Be With You Hope-Faith-Love-Happiness always
I did. But even though I am crystal clear in what was said, how I felt about it...it seems like all that is felt is "she is mad at me / she is trying to control me since she wants me to stop being P/A". There seems to be no remorse for hurt feelings caused to me or the P/A behavior, just anxiety about me being mad at them. I am lost at what to do next since I seem unable to get this person to take a good look at themselves. They always seem to concentrate on how I am angry and not be willing to look at what they did wrong. Maddening and depressing. I would have depression too if I kept zinging people and then pretended to have no concept of why they are angry or why they do not believe any promises, when promises are not fully kept.
I guess I should just give up. I am insane to think this will change and God will perform a miracle. I feel pretty lost right now.
I'm sorry you are going through this. When I get too "bad" with the P/A, I try to step back and see what my dh is seeing ... albeit it doesn't work all the time ... ok, it doesn't work most of the time :p
The person that you are having trouble with - he/she may not realize what they are doing. Or, if they do realize it, they don't want to admit it to themselves. Can you take some time away from them?
__________________ Shed my cocoon and became a Butterfly in 2007 May The Force Be With You Hope-Faith-Love-Happiness always
I don't fully understand what you are going thru, but I wanted to give you a hug, because it sounded like you needed one.
I do know many P/A people in my life, but I honestly can't think about how I have acted or reacted towards them, I'm pretty patient ... and way to blunt and direct for my own good!
((HUGS)) Things will work out in the end. Good Luck!
Passive-Aggressiveness 
). Tell him/her you were upset about what was said/done. May or may not work.
