PCOS and boyfriend troubles

Courtneyh29 · 03-16-2007, 12:36 AM

Hey Im not to familar with this part of the SC message board, I have no idea where else to post this at so please bare with me! I would really appreciate a guys input.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we are pretty serious, lately I have been having very strange dreams about him being unfaithful to me and doing things to hurt me in my dreams. Today we went and looked at an Apartment together and I saw him looking at this lady in a way that I didn't feel to comfortable with. Later this evening I confronted him about it and he got really angry with me (this kind of thing has been happening a lot lately) He told me she wasn't his type and all this and that and then he said "If i where to flirt it would be with that girl at the front desk at the Spring hill suites" [the place he is currently staying now] I did not say anything else because I did not want to start up an argument. I am sure that My subconcious is creating these bad dreams in my head but I don't know if that is 100 percent correct or not. Because of PCOS i feel like I am not pretty enough or sexy enough for him and I feel like he wants someone who DOES NOT have PCOS... So my question is how do I confront him without starting a big fight? Also why am I having these bad dreams? Please any input either from male or female would be truly appreciated! Thank you so much and everyone have a great day!

Reesha86 · 03-17-2007, 06:08 AM

Hey girl, reguardless of the PCOS or not, you're a beautiful, sexy woman. Infact, being strong enough to battle this roller coaster ride of a "syndrome" makes you that much sexier. If this boy of yours cant see that, he does not deserve you. HOWEVER, I also get dreams like that and I KNOW that my boyfriend is with me for better of for worse as long as we live. We have been to hell and back... TOGETHER. So, I know that subconscience dreams like this are rooted to our own insecurities. Look him in the eyes and tell him you love him, that should give you all the proof you need. Good Luck.

ickle pands bf · 03-18-2007, 10:08 AM

one thing i would say, have you ever sat down a talked to him about it??

Not start a fight or anything, just sit down, cuddle up and have one of those chats where you talk about the pair of you and whats bothering you??
tell him how you feel about yourself, why you think that he 'looks like he is flirting' due to the way you feel.

You will be surprised just how well these chats go, just be mindful though, if you dont keep calm it could turn into a blazing fight.

My better half is currently trying to lose weight and is doing a pretty good job of it as well!!! But i always tell her, i fell in love with the person, the body will always change but its the person i love!! It probably is the same for your BF

mlinn · 03-19-2007, 11:46 PM

Girl,

First off you are beautiful and special just the way you are!

Secondly,if a man doesn't see it that way you deserve someone better (trust me,they are out there).

Thirdly,the dreams sound like insecurities within your person that you have. I had them when I was with my ex (who was by the way cheating on me)...you may not be as paranoid as you think...but eventually all things hidden come to light.

As for that comment he made about the lady at the desk of the friggin hotel - you reacted completly different than me. I would have told my boyfriend he could go have her and left...but that is your perrogitive. I tend to be hot headed anyways...and I am not even a red head!

Try discussing this calmy with your dbf instead of angry like I would - and if you don't like the direction you are going..maybe you guys should take a break....or maybe you will talk it out.

Best of luck to you.

Courtneyh29 · 03-20-2007, 02:45 PM

Actually I have tried to talk to him about it and lastnight we talked about it again, he basically summed up that I have "trust issues" I think I might actually I have been hurt A LOT in the past. he tells me all the time that he does not look at what is on the outside he thinks im beautiful regardless of anything and thinks im amazing but i just don't feel that way maybe i need to be more trusting???

~*Heart*~ · 04-01-2007, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Courtneyh29

Actually I have tried to talk to him about it and lastnight we talked about it again, he basically summed up that I have "trust issues" I think I might actually I have been hurt A LOT in the past. he tells me all the time that he does not look at what is on the outside he thinks im beautiful regardless of anything and thinks im amazing but i just don't feel that way maybe i need to be more trusting???

It's possible. I mean, I have total self-esteem issues...and I'm married and have a man who tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me...and he willingly sleeps with me and likes to see me naked. He begs me to keep the lights on! But...I'm 238lbs. And I feel totally gross most of the time. But I have to learn that just because I feel that way, doesn't mean he does. I have to remember that if he wasn't attracted to me, if he didn't love me, he wouldn't have married me (I look the same now as I did then), and he wouldn't still be having sex with me...he wouldn't be ABLE to if he wasn't attracted and in love.

Of course, I do see other women checking him out, like just today at Burger King when he was holding DD, a girl was sitting by herself and I went outside to get a bottle for DD and the girl took the opportunity to pounce..."Aww what a beautiful baby!"...and then after I came back and saw her talking to him, she kind of let the conversation die. And then as he was walking out, she was STARING at him, totally checking him out, but then she turned and saw me looking at her and quickly looked away. She was thin, reasonably pretty, didn't have a freakin' beard...and he could have easily had her. But he was oblivious! Had no idea she was flirting! And when I told him what she was doing he couldn't believe it. And I know that he would never have gone for her even if he DID know what she was up to. Why? Because even though I have been really hurt too (like you), I had to learn to trust him. To trust that he would never hurt me, that he loves me. And yes, I do have my doubts sometimes, but only when I'm feeling bad about myself...and then it's more like I'm feeling bad for him that he's stuck with me. But he always reassures me that he's not "stuck". He wants to be with me.

So, I would say try your best to trust your BF. Most guys will look at women they think are attractive. It's natural. It's when it goes from looking to gawking to oggling that it becomes a problem. But if he's not having to wipe drool from his chin unless he's looking at you, then I think you're okay.

Your dreams I would say are just subliminal doubt that you have about yourself. I sometimes have dreams of DH sleeping with someone else and let me tell you...those HURT. But, I know he would never do it. And I know that it's just me and my stupid low self-esteem causing me to dream those things. My worst fear is for DH to cheat on me, so it would be natural for me to dream about that when I'm feeling especially down on myself. I think that it may be the same in your case.