PCOS = Depression

arlaur · 07-08-2003, 01:42 AM

Hello everyone,

I'm a 24-year-old woman, fresh out of graduate school, actively seeking employment in this horrible economy, and dealing with the perpetual effects of PCOS. I was officially diagnosed with PCOS last December, but I had many of the symptoms before then-- insulin resistance, inability to lose weight, unwanted facial hair, acne, and DEPRESSION!!!! Let me tell you, waking up and looking in the mirror every day just depresses me like nothing else. While I am not obese, I am 20 pounds heavier than I should be . . . a fact that is especially painful to me because one of my goals in life is to attain some success in the music world. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be some teeny-bop phenomenon. That sort of success is fleeting. The musicians I idolize as a composer are Todd Rundgren, Laura Nyro, Don Fagen (of Steely Dan) and others of their ilk-- smart, slightly off-kilter "wiz kids" who may not have been the hugest of hit-makers, but nonetheless managed to reach a significant swath of the public ear, and attracted a devoted group of aficionados in the process. It's interesting to note that with both Rundgren and Fagen, they have maintained relatively high profiles throughout their careers . . . and neither one is what you would call a "looker." In the music industry, it's okay to be an ugly man. But an ugly woman? Forget about it! Poor Laura Nyro, who had a certain unique, oddly appealing appearance, but who had the tendency to be pudgy, especially in her later years . . . well, I have noticed that a lot of music critics who interviewed her would ask her about her struggles with her weight. Come on! What does that have to do with music??? Apparently, everything in a society that values men on their achievements and women on their appearance. (Yes, that's a generalization, and it's not true 100% of the time, but let's face it, it's true often enough that it's a real problem.) So, I'm confronted with the fact that, if I want to be heard, I have to look good.

Because of my inherent build, I will never be a leggy waif-- I stand at just under 5'4", and even when my weight was in the 120's, I was always curvy and robust, a mischievous Mediterranean. So I'm not expecting to be the all-American glamour queen. All I want is to lose these 20 pounds so I can get on with my music and my life! I have struggled with eating disorders in the past, and, while I am certainly well beyond the worst of those ravages, I would not go as far as to say that I am "cured." I would describe my current state as one of "remission" as far as the eating disorders are concerned. But I am very, VERY depressed. I hate my appearance so much, I have trouble showing my face in public. I feel as if so many aspects of my life are on hold as a result of all this. I've been trying to eat the right sort of diet for being PCOS (which is an issue enough when you've been through the diet cycle and had eating disorders,) and I exercise, too . . . and you know what? It still doesn't work!!!! My weight won't budge!!!!! I am convinced that, if I were to lose the weight (and solve the PCOS problem,) I would also lose the depression!!!!

Phew! Okay, so that's where I'm coming from. What are your experiences, insights, and such?

-Ari

arlaur · 07-08-2003, 02:20 PM

Is anyone out there???? Is what I'm feeling so far off-base that no one can identify?????

-Ari

Maddy · 07-08-2003, 03:03 PM

I have had problems with depression. Most of it when I my period is due and just doesn't arrive. My hormones are at their worst then, it is when I crave carbs and feel convinced that I am the fattest, ugliest person around. Then my period arrives and it completely dissipates.

It can be very depressing also if you diet and exercise and nothing happens with the weight loss.

What diets have you tried? Do you low carb? sometimes it is a case of trying something different, there may be a specific food that causes your weight to stall (mine are grains and fruit believe it or not). Have you had your thyroid tested? If you do not have a thyroid problem then kelp can sometimes help a little with the weight loss, it also has the side effect of being good for hair growth.

Have you tried any supplements or Metformin? There will be a way of eating that will work for you, it is just a matter of finding it.

Some people lose on the IR diet, some find Atkins works fabulously for them, for me I have to count carbs and calories.

If you give us some more info about your diet maybe we can offer suggestions.

As for the image thing, well, most men I know would prefer a curvy mediterranean type than a skinny waif. I think you should concentrate on making the most of what you've got.... after all, J-Lo wouldn't be where she is today if she hadn't cashed in on that "bottom", lol

BTW are you taking anything for depression? I did take anti depressants for a while but did not seem to feel any better. Now I am taking St John's wort (which also supposedly helps regulate hormones) and I do notice the difference, though I can't totally eradicate the PMT depression.

arlaur · 07-08-2003, 03:12 PM

Maddy,

Thanks for your response. I've been trying to do Atkins for the past six months. At first, it seemed to work very well, but then, well, it stopped working, and furthermore, I made the decision to phase off of the anti-depressant Wellbutrin, and I don't know if I should've done that . . . the reason I did it was mainly so that, upon finding employment, I wouldn't have to say that I was on an anti-depressant.

I am just so sick of dieting. I have a slight thyroid problem, for which I take .088mg of Synthroid. But I know that whatever this is, it has to be hormonal. And another thing that drives me crazy is . . . unsympathetic doctors! I swear, they all seem to have pat answers and broad generalizations instead of genuine interest and advice in the problem! You know, I believe that the medical establishment might be able to find a cure for PCOS if they could just admit that they are not infallible. So much of the attitude I've encountered is a set-in-stone "This-is-how-it-is, we-are-right, there-is-no-possible-way-that-this-caused-that," etc. Okay, docs, if you know all the answers, then WHY CAN'T YOU CURE US????? (Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.) I just feel very stuck right now . . .

-Ari

Maddy · 07-08-2003, 03:34 PM

I know that one!

I have had my fair share of rubbish GPs and not a good one yet.

I have just decided to get myself well and keep trying with the diet until find something that works for me, unfortunately that appears to be ultra strict on carbs, fat and calories. But I am determined to do whatever it takes.

I posted a thread in the alternative therapies forum about a supplement I read about on Sunday called Glucotrol. It appears to have similar properties to met/chromium but is natural. I am considering either trying this or a supply of Met that I have at the moment.

I have also read that L-Glutamine helps with carb cravings so I am going to try that during PMT time.

I know what you mean also about the anti-depressant thing. It seems that every application form I complete at the moment asks if I have ever been treated for/suffered from depression. My two weeks on Lustral three years ago is still a pain in the bum when applying for jobs. That is why I decided to try St John's wort and I do feel better when I take it.

which is another thing I am quite bad at lately..... taking all my supplements. It seems I am always adding to my long list!

I have read a lot of threads from people who find that the second time they try Atkins they do not get the same results. Have you thought of trying the IR diet or the South Beach diet is very like Atkins but focusses on healthy fats. Maybe trying Atkins but eating lean cuts of meat; not the saturated fat like butter etc. but eating sufficient "healthy fats" instead like olive oil and salmon? I am trying to eat lean sources of protein like fish, salmon, chicken, nuts some cheeses and getting my carbs from veggies and it has been working for me (except during PMT week and my hands seem to develop a mind of their own insisting on putting those carbs on my plate, lol)

You might want to come on over to the Diet and Exercise section and have a look at some of the info over there.

There WILL be something that works for you! You just need to experiment a bit and you will find it. Do you keep a food diary? It is fabulous for finding "trigger" foods that stall your weight loss!

curlygrrl · 07-09-2003, 12:34 PM

((hugs)) to you! I can certainly identify with your feelings. I feel disappointed with myself and believe my husband is disppointed with me too, which is devastating.

I am a writer and learned depression can do a number on your artistic abilities. I read a book called "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron. It gives you the mental and spiritual tools you need to suceed at your art. I think you'll love it!!

Kind of off topic, but your musical interests sound like you might like my husband's band, Land of Chocolate. Check out their website, http://www.landofchocolate.com you can also download mp3s off Kazaa. I am going to check out Laura Nyro, she sounds great!!

Tamara

arlaur · 07-10-2003, 08:23 PM

Hello folks,

I'm having an especially bad day (and this is different from any other day how?) I feel fat and ugly, I can't find a job, I'm totally bulldozed. During graduate school, I established an identity for myself amongst my peers, such that they viewed me as talented, musical, and funny. But now that graduate school is over, what with the continually bleak job search and the insurmountable problem of PCOS . . . I'm just at the end of my rope. HELP!

-Ari

Lendi · 07-12-2003, 12:09 AM

Ari, I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time of it. One thing, please reconsider your welbutrin. It is illegal to ask you about your health or med. during an interview. You might check with your pharmacist to see if it would show up in a drug screening, but I don't think that would be a problem. Getting yourself leveled out might help, at least help you to cope. And, remember that having a health condition does cause depression in some. After, it's difficult to live with. And, when your insulin levels are off as well, it's not unusual to have roller-coaster emotions. Keep with your food program, if not to lose weight then to remain healthy. You are in a difficult situation, inbetween education and the workforce. Keep looking, something will turn up for you. Keep an upbeat attitude. That's half the battle right there. I hope life calms for you soon. Lendi

christylh · 12-23-2003, 04:25 PM

Ari,

I hope that you are beginning to feel better. You have alot of people that can relate out there!

Three things have helped me...a higher dose of Synthroid [I'm now on 1.25- could not feel 1 at all], oral progesterone [really really helped with the blues & PMS] and B12/choline injections once a week.

You also need to do something to guarantee you get enough sleep, like maybe Melatonin. Sleep deprivation can make stress and depression twice as bad!

Can you switch medical people to find a really good gynecologist or endocrinologist that will truly help you? I found that no one seemed to care until I finally found the right set of medical professionals who didn't just want to pat me on my shoulder and send me off with no answers.

It might mean that you have to travel to a larger city to find one, etc...but it would be worth it!

Good luck!

SarahJ · 12-23-2003, 04:55 PM

If I remember correctly, the years after graduation were the toughest in my memory. I totally understand about the loss of the identity you built during school. For even the most hormonally stable among us, its difficult to keep your head on straight and in a bad economy -- forget it!

The one piece of advice I can give you is exercise. I'm not talking about a long walk, but huffing, puffing, sweating, red-faced exercise for 45 minutes or more. I know, I know exercise sucks, but it seems to keep the facial hair at bay for me, reduces symptoms of insulin resistance, and most importantly, keeps me from getting "mental".

I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I am sure I have it (it runs in my family -- my sister takes Zoloft, Zyprexa and my father committed suicide at age 32). Mine comes in the form of paranoia and yes, that gripping "I'm so fat and gross" feeling. Exercise has been my way of controlling my mental state without drugs. I'd recommend you make an appointment with yourself to sweat for an hour every morning. I promise you'll be glad you did!

Best,
Sarah