PCOS and lack of libido

tony_g · 10-09-2009, 10:15 AM

Just wondering how many others are out there in the same boat. Wife has PCOS, and while she wants to conceive, wants to try, but she has little or no libido. Although I love and lust for her, there's no desire showing on her part. Any suggestions? And yes, We have had this talk several times, she knows how I feel. She just says that while she wants to want me, her body just doesn't follow through with those feelings. She has talked to her Dr. about this and the Dr. says that everything checks out fine.

MrTW · 10-09-2009, 10:59 AM

is your wife on the pill? when me and my gf got together her sex drive was through the roof. as soon as she came on the pill, her sex drive became virtually non existant.

TiggersMom · 10-09-2009, 04:41 PM

Ya, my DH is complaining about that with me. He thinks I should "pursue him" rather than him always being the initiator. It's always great, I have no complaints ever about it but I find myself not having the drive, almost like the energy I have to exert in the act seems like a mountain to me. I love him to death but he could look at me and be ready to go and I'm still clueless that we had a moment! I find that I don't turn on easily either and he thinks that it's him, and it's not. It hurts him that I don't go to him more often but it's just not him, my body just isn't cooperating.

Be loving to her and understanding about her situation, if she could have a libido like a man, she would...I know I would.

Ashanti · 10-13-2009, 03:27 PM

well before my diagnosis of PCOS my sex drive was prolly higher than most men and in the 2months since, we have had sex once and it was horrible cause i just couldn't seem to get into it, i also want another child but the energy needed fr sex just seems gone..like pfffft...

joobilee · 10-13-2009, 03:53 PM

I have no drive either and I know my DH hates it. I love him more than anything, I would die for him. I know sex is very important to him but usually I just don't think about it. I've tried explaining his drive is like a light switch off one sec and on the next. Mine is like boiling a pot of cold water. It takes a while but if he can stick it out once I get up to temp watch out. lol Something I find that helps, and this is going to sound weird and a little TMI, but times when I'm not really "in the mood" but I know that I've been neglecting that part of our relationship I just act like I'm there and wanting and soon I really do want it. It's kind of like I convince him that I want him like crazy and can't wait another second to pleasure him and then his reaction makes me feel sexy and hot so then it goes from acting to the real thing...I know it would sound weird for you to suggest that to your women but who knows it might help.

wannabamama1 · 10-22-2009, 12:06 PM

I had no drive about a year and a half ago. The hubby was going nutz! Then he fell into the pattern and suddenly my desire dropped a bomb on me and I was practically humping his leg every day as soon as he came home. It got to be a bit ridiculous. The only thing I can say is maybe things come and go in seasons. For me there tends to be one time of the year that I am really SUPER interested. Of course it could jsut be my deep intense determination to get PG. Or it could have something to do with depression. I know that when I am down in the dumps I have NO intrest in my husband unless it's just a cuddle. My bit of advice, just ask her to talk and then listen. Even if your rehashing the same old it may help to relieve a bit of her pressure she may have been putting on herself. Us ladies, with or without PCOS, tend to do that to our selves.

Humbaaba · 10-22-2009, 01:02 PM

I have similar issues! I don't yet have an answer but hopefully knowing your girls are not alone helps.

misslisaxng · 10-22-2009, 04:24 PM

It can be both ways. Alot of times he doesn't want to either but I have to initiate it. The stress of TTC and not being sucessful or getting that negative gets us down. Just talk and wait it out. Being the one to initiate it is okay regardless of who you are. I know I have to sometimes with my fiance. Which I thought was weird at first, but he explained that for him its more upsetting and he is trying to be supportive of the negatives and what not! I say if you want some initiate it because in the end its all worth it!

Naymarie · 10-26-2009, 07:25 PM

For me it all depends on my emotional status... I either have no desire what so ever or I'm the exact opposite. First of all, you do need to know that a lot of medications can have the "no desire" side effect. Also is she tired often? I know if I don't get enough sleep (I have sleep apnea) I'm useless as for having any inkling of wanting to have a fun time with my DH.

Best of luck to you both, and the best thing you're able to do is to stick with her!

amorvincit105 · 10-26-2009, 08:11 PM

do you already have childeren? i know i had the highest sex drive (he couldnt keep up) before i had my daughter but nw..and since ive had her..we are lucky if its twice a month! but now with ttc its increased..but feels like a chore..not sure how to help it

Kapp555 · 10-27-2009, 06:18 PM

I feel you totally man, except I am not married. Just my s/o for two years has done the exact same thing. From a mans perspective I find it just not fair in a relationship. I think a lot of advice you will hear from women is to be understanding and wait it out. I dont know if you are like me but sex to me is really part of me. I need to have an orgasm on a regular basis. I truly believe my mental health is tied to making love. I get irritable, feel less worth and very frustrated if I am forced to wait more than a few days. Frankly, I cant understand how if you love someone you can not overcome your lack of feeling or desire in order to make an effort for your man to feel loved.

My S/O was put on effexor which is an antidepressant and it helped. But, I still did not get any attention. She said she wasnt in any state of mind to make love. I dont thnk women realize how devastating this statement is to some men.

HeatherDerby · 10-27-2009, 07:16 PM

Hey there!

Personally, I'm similar to the other lady that was practically humping her husbands leg everyday. I really think it all comes down to hormones. The DR aspect of it. If its been going on for a while, maybe you can talk her into going to the dr for a check up on her hormone levels. BUT YOU GOTTA be careful about HOW you suggest it. If you do it wrong, its WW3!! If you do it right, offer to go with her, tell her that you miss her, and want to make sure its not a symptom of something else, you should be good.

blessings!

amorvincit105 · 10-28-2009, 11:30 AM

actually kap555...we do know how devestating it is.. we have to LIVE with it. We arent using it as some "oh i'vegot a headache" excuse. We physically have a hard time with it.. and we dont KNOW what it is..There is no miracle pill to make it better like men have.. I've cried myself to sleep before because no matter how mch i WANT it there is some physical or mental block that i cant get rid of. You will never know how it feels to be the woman who cant "be there" for her husband as much as other woman can. The origonal poster seems like the understanding type of guy who trys to help his wife through it and I bet you are the guy who fights with his wife when she wont "put out". And I never said to "wait it out" i am pretty sure most of the women who posted said " if you find a cure, let us know" .

anichols · 10-28-2009, 11:35 AM

It is horrible to feel this way as a woman. I have felt it for some time. And it is almost "taboo" when you mention it to your doctor. My GP actually seemed embarassed and told me to talk to my OBGYN. Of course in this stage of my life it gets blamed on hormones and having children, so I feel stuck and like there isn't much I can do about it. It is frustrating and painful for me as well as my DH.

wannabamama1 · 10-28-2009, 02:22 PM

IMHO last time I checked women are just as human as men, we have needs and desires. We do WANT our husbands in our heart's and our head's but our body's do not comply on demand every time.

Sure we could lay there and give him his satisfaction, but there would be no chemistry in it and leave us feeling like we had been used by the person we love and trust. I know women are hard to understand... no let me re phrase that we are hard to relate to from a man's point of view. But that is only because men, and women see sex with different perceptions.

It took every bit of our (my husband and I) strength and our hard earned open lines of communication to help my husband understand where I was coming from when I was less than cooperative and to help me understand where he was at when his frustration would surge. And when that time comes for me he understands, because in the end we are each still responsible for our own physical satisfaction (that's why we have long showers yo - wink,wink -).

We do not make our physical needs each others duty and I am more to him than his sexual partner, I am his friend and friends understand when you don't exactly feel up to "playing". With that said I want to make it clear that I do not expect to sway your opinion kapp555, I am not suggesting the OP "wait it out" I personally would suggest a gentle honest discussion about how this situation has effected him personally and for him to keep that communication open.

Our bodies are not merely effected by the physical but the emotional as well. Talking is a place to start searching for an answer that both partners can be happy with. I don't personally know the OP's wife or what she want's. It's up to the OP to find that out. I know men typically see love and sex as one entity. But consider this for a moment if you will, when your S.O. does special little things for you like buy your favorite hair glue or remember to wear that perfume she know's you like, or cooks a meal she know's your fond of don't you think that is yet another way she show's her love for you? Women are a confusing, hormonal, irritating, needy bunch. But then again men are really honestly not very different in that catagory.

Once again I do not intend to sway your opinion, or even hint that my opinion is somehow better than your own. I simply have a different POV.