I never made the connection between PCOS and my lack of wanting to.. Wow this site it Really opening my eyes to whats ben going on with me... I try to give my BF what he wants or he can be on edge. I feel bad cause I want to want him. He is very sexy and I love him more than anything.. I just can't get my body to agree... But I also enjoy it once I get going. Its annoying though. I feel like what Joobilee Said Thats how I am. I do the same thing with the convincing myself and all... He can't get into it if I don't and I don't want him in a pissy mood you know? So I make it work.. But sometimes its more hassle than it should be..
I feel you totally man, except I am not married. Just my s/o for two years has done the exact same thing. From a mans perspective I find it just not fair in a relationship. I think a lot of advice you will hear from women is to be understanding and wait it out. I dont know if you are like me but sex to me is really part of me. I need to have an orgasm on a regular basis. I truly believe my mental health is tied to making love. I get irritable, feel less worth and very frustrated if I am forced to wait more than a few days. Frankly, I cant understand how if you love someone you can not overcome your lack of feeling or desire in order to make an effort for your man to feel loved.
My S/O was put on effexor which is an antidepressant and it helped. But, I still did not get any attention. She said she wasnt in any state of mind to make love. I dont thnk women realize how devastating this statement is to some men.
This post makes me angry it seems very selfish and not empathetic or sympathetic with his partners needs or feelings at all.
I dont want to have PCOS i dont like it it makes my life more uncomfortable and the risks regarding getting pregnant scare me.
The possibilities of me not being able to have children even scarier.
If you so need to orgasm regularly go to the bathroom and call someone who cares - i hope she realises what an ass you are and kicks you right where you belong down with the trash.
how devastating it is to men??? we have to deal with hair places it shouldnt be visible.. pain.. ongoing periods.. lowered sex drive.. memory loss.. diabetes.. weight gain.. depression.. i am 23.. i know i definitely want kids one day but feel pressure to do that now cause i might not be able to later. You don't understand how hard being told you have cysts on your ovaries.. how embarassing and depressing these symtoms are. I wish i didn't have PCOS..
I agree that his message was put badly. But we have to understand that we are not alone in dealing with our symptoms. It affects them too and I understand his state of mind and where he's coming from. I hardly have a sex drive and it kills my DH. He loves me so much and wants to feel bonded and close to me and intercourse does that for him, that is his way of feeling loved and letting go of his emotions and bonding with me by taking down the manly force fields and being completely and utterly vulnerable. That is how they are designed, that is how they fulfill their love needs, like ours is back rubs or soft hands to the face or a gentle kiss and hands through our hair- those little things mean more to most of us than intercourse and it is the other way for most men. When I don't give my DH what he needs emotionally (sex is an emotion for them), he seems down and depressed and less loved and I have to try like heck to get myself to do things I don't feel like doing (dressing up...ugh!) just to make him feel loved and special.
Don't be mistaken that we alone suffer the burden of our symptoms-yes it affects us and we sacrifice a LOT because of it but we are not alone and have to consider the consequences our other halfs suffer as well.
Kapp555- Your message was completely understood by me, it could have been put a little gentler as we take our PCOS VERY seriously and take it to heart. My biological clock is ticking faster, the extra hormones topped with meds like sprinkles on a dougnut put me on an emotional rollercoaster and cause me to lack the energy to even make dinner when I get home let alone be up and waiting for my DH when he gets home at midnight but I have to force myself for the sake of my marriage and to keep him from other avenues like porn (not that he does but I don't want him to start) all we ask for is a little understanding as well, yes you may have to try harder and be the initiator most of the time but getting through PCOS together with a mutual understanding of it's effects of both people in the relationship will help.
Do her a favor and find out and seek to understand what YOU can do for her/to her to help her cope with her symptoms, understanding goes a long way.
Actually I plan to sit down with DH and discuss PCOS and what we think we need/desire out of eachother to help fulfill eachothers needs. I want to keep him happy, PCOS is not his fault and him not fully understanding it is mine, I need to communicate to him better what I need, and him to me.
__________________ Jeremiah 29:11 I trust God. He knows what he's doing.
Provera- 3rd cycle
Clomid- 1st cycle
DX May 2007
I'm just trying to take all of the opinions in at the moment. I have noticed that I'll also have these "swings" in my sex drive. There are days that I'll have to sit on the opposite edge of the couch to control my boyfriend. Honestly some days it doesn't phase me for a second and I can't wait to grab him by his shirt and drag him to the bedroom. Is there something that can be done to help reach a better balance between both extremes?
ahava25 - I have found that diet, exercise, and vitamins help. I think the exercise does the most, raising my energy levels, pumping up my ego, and relieving a lot of my physical pain. I do the water aerobics at my local gym. FANTASTIC! Also therapeutic hobby's like creating collage's, sketches, Vloging, sculpting or even just talking to someone about my PCOS. a friend, family member, even a stranger. The more I talk about it the more I feel empowered. I am spreading knowledge about my disease and becoming more comfortable with it. I think the number one thing that confuses women about this problem is how multifacited our treatment has to be. We treat our insilin resistance, our infertility, our extra hair growth and our loss of hair.. but how many of us treat our heart, mind and soul? Stress can and will cause fluxuations or changes in your sex drive. That is a fact. And sometimes a good warm compassionate shoulder to cry on is the best medicine we can find.
Personally my emotions are one of my biggest problems (besides my weight). I have learned to use a mantra.
"I controll my emotions, my emotions do not controll me."
just my 2 cents... sorry if I kinda went off topic lol
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Could it be true? Did I ovulate? Am I really not TOTALLY broken?
It is SO time to have a romantic dinner with the DH!
Score so far:
PCOS - 1,345
Me - 2
I'm closing the gap yo!
Love Hugs and baskets full-o-baby dust to all my cysters!
Well...I can't say that I know how you must feel ... but I think my ex had to go through with that too I mean I never talked with him about it, mainly because I didn't know I had it then... but it must have been frustrating for him...and for me! I mean... it wasn't because I didn't wanted him... I just had too big issues with myself and my body for to really get it going and feel good about being naked and all that and I still have this issue, and I haven't really had anything going on with men for two years... because I just know I'm gonna be the worst imaginable girlfriend and I would just feel awful for the guys...which is all just really annoying because I'm so longing for love :S and, well, so I had a "reunion" with my ex a few weeks ago and we kissed and he took me with him home and said all the sweetest stuff to me... and even though I was drunk I was still way too conscious about my body for to just let go :S well, so... and now it just annoys me insanely, because if right be right, yeah I did want him too... yikes... anyway, I really hope you two, and anybody else with this problem, work it out, because if you love eachother it would be such a shame if this would ruin it for you
I think guys need to learn that there are bigger things than just sex. I know they need it and I understand 555's post I just think its more devastating to have PCOS and deal with a winy s/o.. at least the guys can get get it done on their own time as long as the girls give in as much as possible. It is unfair for the women to Never get into it. But it's also unfair that the guys demand it Everyday. Unless its wanted every day but you know what I mean. lol
I just think good compromise is the goal. I used to Never want it but gave in once a week. Which is good if you think about it. Now I'm into BMS so he gets it more lol. But yeah I hope to continue to make him happy I don't want to take away the one think they ask for :/ especially as our life partners.
I have to say I never put together the PCOS thing with the low libido. It's kind of amazing for me to see other women with the same problem I have! It's devastating and I hate it and always think something's wrong with me. It's nice to know there is an underlying connection to other women with similar medical issues! Although I think mine might be prozac-related. It was fine until I started taking it and it never came back. It's pretty terrible but now I have a potential reason it didn't return!
__________________ Me: 28
DH: 26
PCOS for 11 years
Progressive kidney disease (so baby needs to come ASAP)
TTC #1 in December
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I have to say I never put together the PCOS thing with the low libido. It's kind of amazing for me to see other women with the same problem I have! It's devastating and I hate it and always think something's wrong with me. It's nice to know there is an underlying connection to other women with similar medical issues! Although I think mine might be prozac-related. It was fine until I started taking it and it never came back. It's pretty terrible but now I have a potential reason it didn't return!
Same here. Recently my fiance and I have been having this problem. He's always in the mood for "connection" and I have to pretty much force myself to get to that point. I have phases where for a couple months I cant wait to get to it several times a day, then it turns to never wanting it. Usually once we get started we both get into it, but it really sux that I have to work to become turned on. I thought something was wrong with me. I was diagnosed in 2001 and i'm barely getting the info I need to understand PCOS. I'm just glad that I now know why i'm never in the mood anymore. Sorry for my babble lol
__________________
The end of wisdom is to dream high enough not to lose the dream in the seeking of it.
I feel you totally man, except I am not married. Just my s/o for two years has done the exact same thing. From a mans perspective I find it just not fair in a relationship. I think a lot of advice you will hear from women is to be understanding and wait it out. I dont know if you are like me but sex to me is really part of me. I need to have an orgasm on a regular basis. I truly believe my mental health is tied to making love. I get irritable, feel less worth and very frustrated if I am forced to wait more than a few days. Frankly, I cant understand how if you love someone you can not overcome your lack of feeling or desire in order to make an effort for your man to feel loved.
My S/O was put on effexor which is an antidepressant and it helped. But, I still did not get any attention. She said she wasnt in any state of mind to make love. I dont thnk women realize how devastating this statement is to some men.
I agree and suck it up and use lube and mentally get into it and start sex before he even has to.
Because as a women MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH is connected to sex and making love to my fiance.
Say oh my emotions blah blah blah is the same excuse as I have a headache.
Honestly denying your S/O sexual contact and affection is emotional abuse and ruins part of your relationship that are hard to repair.
__________________ Julz : Dx with PCOS : 9/2006
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Is he serious?? 
I mean I never talked with him about it, mainly because I didn't know I had it then... but it must have been frustrating for him...and for me! I mean... it wasn't because I didn't wanted him... I just had too big issues with myself and my body for to really get it going and feel good about being naked and all that 
