PCOS took so many things, but I miss my naivety most

Im_me · 11-28-2009, 05:13 PM

A friend just found out she's pregnant for the first time, she wasn't trying but is sooo happy. And of course she's my friend so I'm happy for her, but I'm having a hard time not being jealous & mad about it.
Not about the pregnancy itself, but her innocence if it all. She came right home & called everyone to tell them, she even mentioned that her g-ma is making a crib set for the baby already. She still does all the things she did pre-pregnancy w/o a single thought of it will cause a m/c. But of couse m/c don't exist in other peoples world, just mine. It's just that simple, get pregnant = have a baby. She doesn't have to try & fail, try & fail. It just HAPPENS. She doesn't have to worry non-stop about something going wrong. Her world won't crumble because she's just m/c the baby she worked years to create.
PCOS has taken alot, my babies, my happily ever after, my girliness, my figure, ability to feel NORMAL & I take, because, what else can you do? The thought that God must feel I'm strong enough to handle it gets me threw alot of the time, but this bugs me. I want to naive, I want to be young & dumb, I want to be NORMAL! Once you lose your innocence, your ability to believe good things do happen & everything will be fine at the end of it all, can you ever get that back?
It happens all around me, everyone else lives in this perfect little box blindly believeing that life is good & I just can't find a door in.

JoyannaWants2BaMommy · 11-28-2009, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Im_me
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It happens all around me, everyone else lives in this perfect little box blindly believeing that life is good & I just can't find a door in.

me neither. i wouldn't know how to live that kind of life if i had it. it's so out of my reality! im sorry you don't get to experience that unbridled excitement and joy that 'regular' people feel when they pop up pg, and don't have issues to worry about. i know sometimes even pcos'ers have surprise pg, but still the worry is there.
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AngieB901 · 11-28-2009, 07:07 PM

I know what you mean. My best friend got pregnant her first month trying. She had her registries done at a ridiculous time frame--like by 8 weeks. I'm pretty sure she bought her crib right at the end of her first trimester. All of that. Even though I wasn't especially worried about miscarrying, I was never able to throw caution to the wind quite like that. I finally went and registered when I was around 22 weeks pregnant. We finally settled on a crib. And then at 23 weeks, it was over, right after we had let our guard down and had started believing we really would be bringing home our baby girl.

We are trying again and I don't know how I'll ever let myself get excited or relax about it until the very end when we are holding our baby.

ChasingRainbows · 11-28-2009, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Im_me
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A friend just found out she's pregnant for the first time, she wasn't trying but is sooo happy. And of course she's my friend so I'm happy for her, but I'm having a hard time not being jealous & mad about it.
Not about the pregnancy itself, but her innocence if it all. She came right home & called everyone to tell them, she even mentioned that her g-ma is making a crib set for the baby already. She still does all the things she did pre-pregnancy w/o a single thought of it will cause a m/c. But of couse m/c don't exist in other peoples world, just mine. It's just that simple, get pregnant = have a baby. She doesn't have to try & fail, try & fail. It just HAPPENS. She doesn't have to worry non-stop about something going wrong. Her world won't crumble because she's just m/c the baby she worked years to create.
PCOS has taken alot, my babies, my happily ever after, my girliness, my figure, ability to feel NORMAL & I take, because, what else can you do? The thought that God must feel I'm strong enough to handle it gets me threw alot of the time, but this bugs me. I want to naive, I want to be young & dumb, I want to be NORMAL! Once you lose your innocence, your ability to believe good things do happen & everything will be fine at the end of it all, can you ever get that back?
It happens all around me, everyone else lives in this perfect little box blindly believeing that life is good & I just can't find a door in.

Oh goodness I could have written this post so many times in my life with PCOS! Hugs mama! I know what you mean. I think about it often myself. I try hard to look at the positive side of things but I cannot help but trip up in the same feelings too. That is why I love SoulCysters! You all know what I am going though and we do it together...supporting eachother!

Sylvestergrl · 11-29-2009, 12:08 AM

I totally agree but from a slightly different perspective. My friend who is also pregnant, but with her 3rd child has never had a single complication, and I am here freaking out over every little thing and calling the doctors office begging for an u/s to make sure everything is OK, she says, drink some water, everything is ok........I'm sorry, just because you work at a job where you lift double the weight that is recommended during pregnancy and dont change a damn thing about the way you do things, doesnt make you an expert. All my friends think I am insane, I dont eat lunchmeat, I dont drink caffeine, I barely leave the freaking house and try to stay on as close to bedrest as possible..... BUT that is because I nearly lost my first at 22 weeks, I spent 13 weeks on REAL bedrest... I already have IC, I dont want to take ANY other chances.....

Ignorance would be bliss wouldnt it?

1momwannabe · 11-29-2009, 12:15 AM

Oh wow, I have my self felt like this soo many times, I think its normal that we all feel like this. I dont think I was invited to so many babyshowers until I found out that I had pcos!! And boy, I used to feel like an alien in a room full of moms and kids and pregnant women!! GRRR! LOL! Now, I just try to focus in the positive. I am just like you guys hoping for a gift!
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meggowiggle · 11-29-2009, 03:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Im_me
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A friend just found out she's pregnant for the first time, she wasn't trying but is sooo happy. And of course she's my friend so I'm happy for her, but I'm having a hard time not being jealous & mad about it.
Not about the pregnancy itself, but her innocence if it all. She came right home & called everyone to tell them, she even mentioned that her g-ma is making a crib set for the baby already. She still does all the things she did pre-pregnancy w/o a single thought of it will cause a m/c. But of couse m/c don't exist in other peoples world, just mine. It's just that simple, get pregnant = have a baby. She doesn't have to try & fail, try & fail. It just HAPPENS. She doesn't have to worry non-stop about something going wrong. Her world won't crumble because she's just m/c the baby she worked years to create.
PCOS has taken alot, my babies, my happily ever after, my girliness, my figure, ability to feel NORMAL & I take, because, what else can you do? The thought that God must feel I'm strong enough to handle it gets me threw alot of the time, but this bugs me. I want to naive, I want to be young & dumb, I want to be NORMAL! Once you lose your innocence, your ability to believe good things do happen & everything will be fine at the end of it all, can you ever get that back?
It happens all around me, everyone else lives in this perfect little box blindly believeing that life is good & I just can't find a door in.

Though I have not been pregnant yet, this is exactly how I feel. Especially the stuff in bold.

jessie@outlawpress.net · 11-29-2009, 10:28 AM

I could have written this post myself as well. I feel exactly the same way every single day of my life. For everyone else getting pg = having a baby... and for me, at least so far, getting pg = another devastating miscarriage. Everywhere I look I see a big baby bump, an infant, a mom pushing a stroller....I feel like I have to walk through life with blinders and sunglasses...desperately trying not to look...trying not to cry. Always telling people that my eyes are swollen from allergies, when in reality I just walked past a pregnant lady with a toddler and started crying...again. Covering the receiver on the phone with my best friend so she can't tell that I'm crying when she talks about her new baby.
My husband and I had to go to Toys R Us yesterday to buy our niece's Xmas present and I felt like an impostor, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I was the only women in the building without a child and, in a sense, it symbolized exactly how I feel every day of my life....life a childless woman eternally trapped in a building with mothers and babies.
I think I'm feeling especially sorry for myself today, especially b/c we are on a TTC break until after the holidays after 6 unsuccessful cycles of clomid (well, one cycle ended in m/c number 2) and I just feel so sad and frustrated.
I understand exactly how you feel and, trust me, you are not alone.
I pray all of us receive our sticky and healthy BFP's in 2010.
xo

HRkswildcat · 11-29-2009, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Im_me
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But of couse m/c don't exist in other peoples world, just mine. It's just that simple, get pregnant = have a baby.

I'm so sorry that your are feeling low.

I just wanted to add some things here....I have had several friends who do not have PCOS, or any other infertility issue, yet they have had miscarriages. One in particular had a daughter, got pregnant again a couple of years later and miscarried. Got pregnant again and miscarried at 17 weeks. Got pregnant again and now has a healthy 4 year old. She never used fertility meds.

So it does exist in other people's worlds. It really does.

justagirlgirlgirl · 12-01-2009, 03:33 PM

I've felt this exact same way so many times. I have a former colleague that is due almost the same date as I am. She took a HPT and got a BFP, then announced it to everyone, including her CLASS OF FIRST GRADERS, the next day. She was not even five weeks along, and hadn't even had an OB appt. How in the world do you explain to a class of first graders if you have a m/c? Of course, that possibility never entered her mind at all. There is so much naive confidence out there that a BFP = happy, healthy baby in 9 months.

I also get frustrated with women who can't be bothered to follow the basic guidelines for a healthy pregnancy, from taking a prenatal to following basic orders from their OB. Sure, we all cheat once in a while (like my less-than-half of a cup of weak coffee this morning), but I know people who have ignored bedrest for PTL to do things like cut their lawn because "bedrest is boring".

Don't get me wrong - I would never wish the heartbreak of pregnancy loss on anyone. I just wish some people would realize how much of a fragile blessing each pg really is.