personal, but need thoughts....

MicKen · 12-10-2007, 03:12 AM

I can't believe I am going to say this, ut it is true.

I went to the Dr. this summer to help me quit drinking. I have used it as a means to cope for too long, and alcoholism runs in my family big time.

I wanted to do the right thing, and tell my Dr. and get his help. And I wanted to be a good role model for my son.

Now I have been sober almost 6 months, a very active in AA...it has changed my life literally for the better.

When I adopted my son I was not alcoholic. I did drink, but I wasn't relying upon it like I had started to do recently.

Now, I realize I made a huge mistake. Now I don't think I can adopt again...because I sought treatent for alcohol abuse. I have never been in trouble, gotten a DUI or been arrested or anything. It was just a choice I decided to make and since I am a wimp I wanted to get my Dr.'s opinion.

He says I a doing fabulously. I KNOW I am....I don't touch the stuff although I have become quite addicted to Starbucks venti bold with cinnamin dolce....and their blueberry scones. I am a regular.

Now though, because I have sought help, I can no longer adopt again. Every international country I have looked into asks if you have ever sought treatent for alcohol abuse. : (

This is devastating because I really want another child. My son is now 6, and wants a sibling too.

Does anyone know of any countries where I could adopt fro? I a guesing not.

So, then I went in for fertility treatments again, for the first time since we adopted.

Routine radioogy look at my fallopian tubes shows that not only do I have PCOS, the one good tube (the only one that has not had repeated ectopics), is copletely blocked. I go in for surgery this weekend.

Nothing like tubal as well as PCOS problems.

I would really prefer to adopt....I don't like the thought of having one adopted and one bio, just because I don't want my son to ever feel different or like he doesn't belong....ya know?

Does anyone know of any countries I might be able to adopt from?

If not, has anyone dealt with tubal as well as PCOS issues???

I hate undergoing fertility treatents again, but it sounds like this is my only option.

Thank you for listening.

-------------------

Happy mama to one little boy who thinks I am the greatest! : )

Anonykat · 12-10-2007, 03:54 AM

Good for you for seeking treatment. You did the right thing for yourself and your family.

The first thing that crossed my mind was "What about embryo adoption?" - but I don't know if the rules there are any different. They could be, though - doesn't hurt to check.

Sometimes there are private adoptions that are just done quietly - legally I mean, of course, but without a lot of hullabaloo about it - maybe contact an adoption lawyer and see if he's got anything cooking, or knows anyone?

And lastly - are you sure you can NEVER adopt again? Or could it be that there's just a waiting period? My husband has been sober since 2001, and before I got pregnant with our twins, we were working with Adoption Advocates International, hoping to adopt from Ethiopia, and I don't remember it being an issue (though it's possible it had just not thoroughly been explored yet; we had done all the paperwork and lots of communication with them, but not a homestudy yet).

I hope it works out for you.

Miss-Meme · 12-11-2007, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonykat

Sometimes there are private adoptions that are just done quietly - legally I mean, of course, but without a lot of hullabaloo about it - maybe contact an adoption lawyer and see if he's got anything cooking, or knows anyone?

All Adoptions have to have a homestudy...so nothing in the adoption world is done quietly!

Have you told to any caseworkers about this. They ask, yes, but how much do they care...I mean do they say no because you answer yes, or do they look into how bad it was?

How about domestic adoption?

I'd start calling agencies and talk to the person who does the homestudies and ask them about it. You might be able to find one that will work with you.

Anonykat · 12-11-2007, 01:00 AM

Quote:

All Adoptions have to have a homestudy...so nothing in the adoption world is done quietly!

What I meant was without an agency - sometimes birth mothers contact these lawyers and it's done with just the lawyer making sure everything is legal.

MicKen · 12-11-2007, 02:25 AM

I haven't gone so far as to research domestic adoption....I just always wanted that birthmom on the other side of the planet!

No, seriously, I say this because a very good friend of mine got severely burned by a birthmom....after my friend's husband cut the chord. It was devastating to them. I have always just felt more comfortable with international adoption, especially after the wonderful experience with our son.

I a going to do the fertility route again, I suppose. I am scheduled for surgery this saturday to unblock my tube. And I have recently lost 25 lbs....and I hear that helps.

I think we have decided we will try up to one IVF, and if that fails, we have an only, albeit VERY spoiled child!

MicKen · 12-11-2007, 02:32 AM

AnonyKat...

I knew exactly what you meant. My same friend that was dumped on by the birthmom I mentioned above had that happen.....a woman came into the hospital and decided at the last minute she wanted to put her baby up for adoption. She didn't want to know anything about the birthparents OR even the sex of the child.

mommavia · 12-11-2007, 02:40 AM

Have you called agencies and talked with them about which programs your family would qualify for? I have learned that just because one agency has it on their website doesn't mean it is a country rule. Many agencies have rules more strict that the adopting country...

Good luck, don't give up!
Cynthia

dna · 12-14-2007, 05:17 PM

Hey Michelle

Its good to hear from you even in these circumstances

I would start picking up the phone or even emailing agencies to see what their policies are on recovering alcoholism. That suggestion was a very good one. At least then you know where you stand. Some countries may not even have it stated as an issue.

Start with what you really want...international...then go from there...

Take care and heal yourself,
Amy

Black Lilly · 12-14-2007, 09:10 PM

I am wondering if you answered yes and had your doctor's supprt if that would make a difference. It is one thing to seek treatment and be successful and another to seek treatment again and again and again. If you really want another adopted child, it would sem to me that this question would only be a hurdle to overcome, not a barrier. Seeking treatment means that you are a responsible adult, IMO.

Good luck with surgery!

elentari · 12-14-2007, 09:46 PM

Michelle, it takes a lot of courage to seek help and get the problems dealt with. I am not someone who really knows a lot about adoption... I was doing some research on adoption, but then decided it's just not right for us.

However, one thing I do know is that if you're willing to adopt a slightly older child, that can help forgive a lot... also if you do adoption through the child welfare system or fostering. One of our problems is my husband has a serious medical issue that would disqualify us from a lot of international adoptions, and likely many domestic ones. He has multiple sclerosis... and this is part of why we've decided to pursue fertility treatments and hope for the best.

Good luck... I wish you all the best!

~copacabana~ · 12-15-2007, 12:46 AM

I'm sorry that there is difficulties for you in adopting because of your past. I need to applaud you for your honesty though, it takes a lot of courage to seek help, and to let it be known. I would look into adoption from Brazil, I do believe they are more lenient with issues across the board. Good luck to you, and being an only isn't so bad! I am one~

Take care~

Binxsmommy · 12-15-2007, 04:19 AM

I would think seeking help would be a positive thing. Not a punishment but who knows now a days. All you can do is inqure about how the adoption agency sees this?

I mean if everything else is "inline" and you have been sober why would they turn down a perfectly good home w/ already one happy child?!
Good luck addiction to anything stinks and I hope everything works out for you.

With International Adoption is there not a lawyer involved? I would seek his advice if there is I am not educated on International just domestic.

Miss-Meme · 12-15-2007, 08:28 AM

You know what I was just thinking...you say that alcoholism runs in my family big time, this would have been ask on your last homestudy for your last adoption. So it was known that there is that risk. Maybe thats a good sign.

vieenbelle · 12-16-2007, 01:04 AM

Hey!

I just want to wish you luck with your plans to adopt. I know that domestic adoptions seem scary and you hear a lot of stories about people with bad experiences but you might want to try looking into it, my parents adopted me domestically (is that even a word?) in the late 80's and we've had nothing but an amazing experience with it.

Maybe you can try calling or e-mailing an agency to see what they have to say about it, or ask if they can send you their personal guidelines, they might outline whether or not you would have any trouble adopting now.

Congratulations on getting help, it takes so much courage, I hope you get the chance to adopt again, adoption is such an amazing gift!

MicKen · 12-16-2007, 01:04 AM

good to hear from you!!! Please pm me and bring me up to date some time!

I had my surgery today. I am up and typing because, as my previous fertility specialist said, the nurses at this hospital couldn't believe I just sat up post surgery..haha. He said I have a high tolerance for pain. Just about HAVE to when doing fertility treatments!

You guys are not going to believe this.

It is endometriosis in that tube and in other places. He tried to scrape it off but of course now that tube is probably scarred as well as my right tube.

Now, my husband was shocked when the Dr. told him this while I was still under in post-op. DH said, "I thought it was impossible to have both endometriosis AND PCOS! (Apparently he was doing homework I was not aware of). The Dr. said it *is* very rare....and the good thing was it did not appear to be all over the place.

So, they are giving me two weeks to heal and then I will go in to see what our plan is. He DID say the PCOS portion of it looked good...maybe he meant normal? He told all of this to DH while I was still l under.

Who would have ever thought that by going off alcohol completely and going on this HIGH carb diet (basically) scones and protein fortified special K cereal with skim milk and tons of splenda would put me back 25 lbs. Only to find endometriosis.

I found out tonight that it was a punch in the stomach when dh found out we couldn't adopt again.

I am going to continue to pursue both (fertility more rigidly because, ironically, that is my better bet).

And I am thinking I should take a look at domestic adoption, perhaps a woman here in the US would take a look at the larger picture. When I told the nurse today what my alcohol treatment was (non-mandated AA meetings and some librium that my Dr. is now weaning me from), my nurse said that was just taking care of a potential major problem....but ultimitaley it is the international judge that makes that decision at the last inute no matter what) in international adoptions. And they DO sometimes say NO at the very last minute.

Oh you guys, we had my son spend hte night at a friends house so he didn't have to do this today, and when he actually found out later I had had surgery and I showed him my ouchies...he started to cry. I was still coming off the anasthesia and we were trying to explain why I couldn't be his normal personal slave today

I felt so sad for him...bless his heart. I want another one so badly but could I ever be this fortunte again? ;-)

Gonna try and paste and copy this to the fertility board, since I a kinda looking at both. They say not to do that, but at this point how could I not???

Well, I am rambling.