So I just found out a friend is pregnant and is due the same week I was. I"m happy for her- its been a long difficult road for her. But at the same time, when I found out (my husband was scared to tell me) the feelings of anger and bitterness came back. This is the second friend due the same time I was (I found out about the first friend the same day I found out I was m/c.)
Its been two months since the m/c and I thought I'd be okay with it by now. We've started the adoption process and I"m very happy about that. When will I be able to hear about friends being pg and having babies and not get upset?
It's been a couple months since I miscarried and I still get pangs of jealousy. I have been told that it's completely normal but sometimes I feel really bad when I am not quite as happy as I should be for my friends. Honestly I don't know if that feeling will ever go away. You had something taken away from you that you worked hard for so I think it's totally understandable if you feel that way for a very long time. I do have days that I cope better than others but there are days that I really don't know how I will make it through the day.
Hopefully with time you will find it easier to cope until then vent away.
It's still so fresh, you should still be feeling the most acute sensations of grief and disappointment. Don't feel guilty about this. By the time your friends deliver, you will probably be well into the adoption process and ready to experience the joy of mothering a child. I'll bet that the closer you get to having your little one, the easier it will be to tolerate other people's pregnancies and babies. My own friend had trouble with my pregnancy last year, and when she finally got pg, I lost mine. It was at that point that she was able to be around me because she had her own baby on the way. Each story is different, but I think you can see my point.
Sorry about this bad timing. I hope time flies for you! ((Hugs))
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I am new here, miscarried on 3 September at 10 weeks after my 1st IVF. My firend who has had 2 miscarriages is exactly where I would hvve been. I want to support het but I cannot I feel horrible. I want to punch all pg women, I keep thinking I am loosing it. And I think another friend is pg and she is keeping it from me.
I hope this will get better soon otherwise I might not have friends
Oops in my enthusiasm I clicked submit before I finished.
SheriKCMO - I just wanted to say congrats on your pg please take care of yourself and your angel but also my heart goes out to you for your previous loss.
Sweetpea76 & Beetlegirl - I am so sorry to hear of your losses it is so hard to deal with is it not. We were so happy to hear that we were finally pg and then have it all taken away from us. I am trying to be postive. Will try naturally for the next few months and then do another IVF cycle in Jan 2005
Thanks for your replies. I am usually fine around pg women, but it just is hard when the due dates are so close to mine. I sit there and think- that's when my angel should have been born. For the one friend who was trying for so long, I am happy for her cause she knows the pain of infertility. But it still stings. The other woman got pg without really trying. That's the hardest part. Having tried so hard only to have it taken away from me, while others don't have to try at all.
I keep telling myself that God did this for a reason. He chose me to suffer through this because I am strong enough to withstand it, and because I am caring enough to love a child from another womb as if he/she came from my own.
I lost my son on July 3rd and am constantly confronted with reminders. Two girls at work are due within 3 weeks of myself, my best friend is due 2 weeks before our due date, a girl at church is due a week before me, another friend is also due in November when we were expecting. Just found out that another co-worker is expecting in March and there is a co-baby shower for the 2 girls at work who were due around the same time as me. I am not coming to work that day. I do not think that I can stand to see a single package or ribbon because I should be having a baby shower too. While I am happy for them all, it is so painful to be surrounded by so many people expecting. I have a feeling that if I get pg it will soften the blow, but that the pain is going to be around for a very very long time.
I know how you feel.
All my close friends and everyone I seem to come into contact with either have babies for are PG and seem to fall very easily.
This makes me very jealous and envious.
I few months ago I stopped going into the playground early to pick up my son (I would only go in when I know they were being let out of the classroom).
I always distance myself from a friend when she tells me she is PG. (I have one friend who constantly says things like she's being feeling sick, and then says but you must remember how that feels. My son is 6.5 years old and it seems so long ago since I was carrying him that I don't remember how it feels.
I had an MC 2 months ago but was 6 weeks, didn't really have any symptons at that stage.
I am trying to concur my envy and jealousy, someone told me to told as many babies as I could get my hands on as it was a good omen (in the past 4 years I've been avoiding doing just that)
Have you noticed how everyone around you seems to conceive really easily, and the next person to tell me that they are PG and it wasn't planned (well - I won't say what it makes me feel like doing).
We all live in hope, but when the hope begins to fail what do we have then.
Babydust to all.
Pippi x
Honestly, I'm not even sure being pregnant again helps these feelings. While I've gotten past the need to avoid other pregnant women, I still feel pangs of jealousy when I find out that someone I know is pregnant. I can't help but think that they don't have to worry about whether their baby will come home with them or not and I do.
My good friend got pregnant only a month after me the first time I was pregnant, and had a healthy son after we lost Isaac. This time a friend and two cousins are pregnant and I have to work hard at not thinking about how they will all bring home babies while we still don't know if we will.
I think its a normal feeling, but its still one I wish I could not feel.
Hugs to all of you.
Aviva
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Dx PCOS/IR since I was 18, on 2000mg metformin XR.
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I'm having a similar experience... my best friend from from college got pregnant the same time I did and our due dates were within 2 days of one another. Three weeks ago we were in a flurry of being pregnant together... talking about baby names, m/s, maternity bras, everything. Since then I've m/c and had a d&c. It's hard not to think how unfair it is, that first I couldn't ovulate, then I couldn't get pg, and now I have been unable to maintain a pregnancy... how much I am supposed to bear? I desperately want for DH and I to be parents. I just don't understand why it has to be so difficult for us. I have to say, she has been a very good friend to me during this time... very supportive and very respectful of my feelings. She hasn't brought up her pregnancy once since this has happened. I want to be open and share her joy... I really do. I just don't know if I can do it right now, at this moment.
__________________ me(39) dh(35)
- two beautiful children after IVf and every method possible before that
- Still nursing DS at 11 months
- Not sure what happens to my life with PCOS after babies... watch this space
Pg friends? 
It is so hard 
