loofah

for the longest time, many years,
I suffered alone, in silence,crying my tears
alone in the dark,shame and fear covering me in blankets of despair...
as a child, my soul grew old, I grew up alone,afraid of my own shadow, afraid of Daddy's step on the stair, afraid that this was my world,mine alone to endure and bare...
never felt like I fit in,even in my teens, when I ran away from my home, where I hadn't fit in since I left Mom's womb..
I grew up hard, I grew up fast,I grew up alone...and just when I thought things couldn't get worse, my own body changed,became a stranger to me, became my jailer, my enemy...I felt like I was being punished for my sins, being poisoned from within...
I began to lie as an recluse, never going out, always coming up with an excuse.
Stress created from this abyss of pain and frustration, created a demon of self-loathe and self destruction.
My poetry gave birth to a new depth,I couldn't let my friends read it;they'd think I'd taken that final step,
Over the edge,they'd think I'd finally gone, if they only knew the storm of fury brewing within my soul's song.
I looked into the mirror,reciting the diagnosis in my head..pcos, is the reason I've been wishing I was dead.I felt hopeless,but relieved...it was from a disease, I'd been on the verge of losing my sanity.
For a year, I wondered how to live, alone with this thing making my life harder that it already is.An unwelcome prescence living rent free in my body, that even the experts with their fancy degrees,cannot exorcist for me.
Never so alienated so at the end, did I feel, and than I came across you cysters,who made me feel more welcome than my own blood could make me feel.
I look in the mirror, and I no longer see a stranger looking back at me...I see all you girls in the reflection,praying for me.I hear your words of love and understanding, and I know I have security now..in knowing I am no longer alone.
I still struggle, thru every day, but now I am not trying to run away.
You ladies have literally saved my life,you have made my count my blessings,including my son..as I hear of pleas and prayers from those of u who are ttc,I realize, what a gift from god, my child has turned out to be.
You ladies have given me a place to belong, to talk about anything , from pcos, to past hurts from men.You've taught me how to pray, gave me faith, from which I know I will never stray.
The world doesn't know about us, or this site, but just to let you all know, you've given this once lost, lonely,frightened soul, a place to go.
Lots of love and prayers of gratitude, to you all, tracylyn
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tracylyn 32,mom of 1
underactive thyroid, 175mgs of levothroxine
15mgs temazapan(sleep disorder)
Effexor,given only bcp for pcos
need a REAL doc help!