Please help me, I'm afraid I'm going to lose everything...

Toin · 03-09-2006, 10:33 PM

Ok, so a bit about me. First off, I'm in tears right now. Secondly, I've never been dx'd with depression...only PTSD and ADHD. I started Effexor last fall for the ADD and anxiety and, if anything, I've gotten worse emotionally. Finally, I feel like a total nutcase right now and I'm afraid I'm going to screw up my life to a point where it can't be fixed.

I'm in grad school for mental health. So, it's not like they are super encouraging of unstable students continuing in their program. I'm afraid to let anyone know what's going on. I've already had so many problems that I don't want them to kick me out. I'm afraid that's coming next week b/c of a conflict with a professor that I have refused to see again. I pretty much said it's her or me and I meant it.

The psychiatrist says this is hormones. I don't know. The doctors say hormones. I don't know. All I know is that it's ruining my life. I can't crying now even though I have 100 things to do. I know, or hope, I'll be fine tomorrow or in a few days, but right now, I'm not fine. I'm frightened that I'm going to lose everything.

I just feel odd. It's almost overwhelming out of body odd. My head doesn't feel right. I was all dizzy this morning and off balance. It's just so odd. I don't know where to go for help because anywhere I go, I risk losing my place in the program because of what I'm trying to study.

I work in a psychiatric unit for goodness sake.

I just don't know what to do. I really don't want to be crazy but I think I might be and I don't know what to do. I don't have time to lie down and cry. My schedule is too packed. I don't know what to do.

Ok, I just needed to vent. I still feel all on edge. I wasn't going to take an ativan but I think I need to if I'm going to calm down enough to get my shopping completed.

Any advice appreciated. I'm starting a supplement regimine today and am going to try to implement the PCOS diet by this weekend. I can't handle this anymore

Thanks

omcv · 03-09-2006, 10:42 PM

I have been always told the the insane ones think that they are sane. So I think that you are just overwhelmed and depressed. I am a survior or rape (twice) and verbal abuse. Until the last two months I lived in constant state of fear for over 10 years. Sometimes it is just about finding the right meds for you. Other times you need to add a bit of talk theraphy. Do you have any one close to you that will not judge you? Just let you talk until you feel you can't talk anymore. I mean we all have things we think are important but others say, 'get a life'. It does not matter what ever people think, you have to take time for youself!! The first I learned how to do (and I still have a hard time with) is learning how to breath. Second thing is I do not spend extend periods of time with those that have my same problems. I am naturally 'do things for others' individual. I had to learn how to say 'no'. I know easier said then done.

sleepydumpling · 03-10-2006, 12:12 AM

You're not crazy - you are just suffering from depression and other mental health issues.

I just feel that if you're not happy with your health care (both physical and mental) then if you can, find another doctor/psychiatrist/counsellor. They're being paid because of us, so if they're not helping us, we need to find a new one.

Hugs!

Heidi50089 · 03-10-2006, 03:05 AM

(((Deep breath))) I was always overwhelmed before I started to take Glucophage. I always felt like everything was way too much and sometimes I couldn't handle it. I got panic attacks, to the point I would pass out. I had bad swings of depression. I really feel for you. Are you taking an insulin sensitizing drug like glucophage? If not, I would recommend if you have pcos to find a doc to put you on it. Your hormones will normalize and your mood will be sooooo much better. There was some days I felt like a monster and I couldn't control it. Some depression meds will make you worse, and you are not getting to the root of the problem. (((Hugs)))

jlucy · 03-11-2006, 09:29 AM

I feel for you. I'm having my own issues of depression and anxiety right now and I can't afford therapy or treatment. I am wondering if maybe your meds aren't right for you? How long have you been taking them? It's hard to find the right mix of antidepressant meds. I know someone who had terrible manic behavior problems and depression and went through all kinds of meds trying to find the right ones. in fact at one point she was diagnosed schizoprhenic. She now takes lithium I believe and is doing fine. She graduated from law school a couple of years ago. I hope you can get to the bottom of things. I know how hard it is feeling like you are just going to lose it.

guineapig · 03-14-2006, 02:07 AM

Be careful about the gluc--it's not for everyone, and if you think you are worse on it, you might be. I went nuts on it--screaming all the time (when I was awake, which wasn't much) and acting crazy. Gluc made my DHEA go through the roof--waaay too much estrogen for me, kind of like when I was on the pill. I'm on DCI instead now and have my days, but still.

On spiro, I didn't have the rages/fits/lability but I didn't feel much joy either. Kind of numbing. And when I take Prometrium to balance estrogen, I just feel loopy...like the benzos. But more "chill" with everything.

Point: maybe you are too high in estrogen (or unopposed estrogen) due to not ovulating or wrong bcp? Seriously, when I have it too high, I act crazy and feel suicidal...then when bcp is discontinued or I start Prometrium, I just go back to normal.

ABumpyGal · 03-14-2006, 04:40 AM

I'm so sorry all of this is happening and especially that you are between a rock and a hard place considering your place in the mental health field. Just the stress of all of that on your shoulders sure couldn't help things

I have both PTSD and Bipolar Disorder, Type II. The "feeling odd. almost out of body odd. and dizziness" happen to me with dissociative symptoms due to the PTSD. It's not as dramatic an experience as one would think, after reading about it in a textbook; I can tell you that. Or, just to confuse us, I can feel that way when I'm hypoglycemic. Mornings and afternoons were my own times that hypoglycemia was likely to hit, but we all vary. Have you been tested for Insulin Resistance as part of your PCOS workup by any chance?

Hormones and Insulin Resistance, if that is part of your symptom profile, can play absolute havoc with your moods, anxiety, and even outright panic-attacks. I'm controlling my own PCOS the best I can until I can get in to see a good Reproductive Endocrinologist and it's going far better than I would have thought. My Bipolar is now nearly perfectly stable, even though I recently went through a med change (which used to throw me off for months). My anxiety is way down and I feel more in control and able to use cognitive based coping methods easier. Best of all, for me, is no more terrible hypoglycemia and all of its attending symptoms. All of this stuff can really mess a person up if it is not attended to!

Do you see an Endocrinologist of any sort now? If not, I would do my best to see one ASAP. They can fully test you, sort out all of the results to pinpoint the problem areas, and treat it effectively. Until then, you could try to pay extra close attention to your diet and work in a healthy, high protein snack whenever your schedule allows. I personally use nutritional bars for this need, such as Zone or Balance brand bars. While they do have sugar, the high protein content seems to keep your blood glucose from crashing (like a candy bar would) and the healthy fats satiate your hunger.

I wish you luck! And please vent as much as you'd find helpful. That's what we're all here for, after all. We don't mind!

Dana