Please help me sort out my feelings...........

AndreaC · 05-10-2004, 11:37 AM

.............I had an early miscarriage 12 days ago and although I have jumped straight back on the ttc train I am still devastated by it. The only way I can ease the pain is to think of the prospect of another pregnancy and try to achieve that.

Anyway, there is a possibilty that my sister is pregnant. Of course, this was going to hurt me full stop because it is so close to the baby i have lost and I feel her pregnancy would be picking up where mine left off. But it is the way I have been informed of the situation that has really hurt me.

I'll be as bried as possible but on Thursday night my sister told me that she and her fiance had decided to try for a baby. I told her I was pleased because I didn't want her to leave it much longer because of all the problems I have had ttc and she is nearly 30 and I didn't want her to go through what I have been through.

Anyway, as the conversation progressed it transpired that she was thinking that she may have actually conceived and she told me that she had signs of ovulation a few weeks before and now she had a metallic taste in her mouth and has been feeling sick.

I was fine to her face, asking her whne she was going to test etc. and to let me know asap but when I got home I broke my heart.

It would be fine for her to be pregnant but I feel that the way I have been told at this point of a difficult time for me, before she knows anything for definite is insensitive to my feelings.

I spoke to my mum and she said they had discussed it and were worried it would hurt me and thought it best to prepare me but the way my sister actually told me was not like this. She didn't seem uncomfortable about discussing it at all and it was like my m/c never existed.

If it were me I would have hung on until there was something definite. If they knew it would hurt me then they would put it off as long as possible until I really needed to know surely?

So, my sister left it that she would test on saturday. However, I called her saturday a.m. and she informed me that she'd tested on thursday night and it was negative. Did she not think I may want to know that? She said it may be too early so she would test monday a.m. (today). I called her this morning and she informed me that she had tested yesterday and got a very faint line which disappeared after half an hour. I can't believe she didn't tell me. I actually spect yesterday afternoon with her.

If she took the decision to inform me of all this knowing it would hurt me then I think she could have the decency to keep me informed there's no good backing off about it now as the damage is done.

So she's still not sure and is going to wait a few days incase they imagined the line. I told her this happened to me last time and I did turn out to be pg but obviously it was a negative story and she just said that it was good that I could advise her as it had happened to me. That was me trying to tell her I was finding it difficult.

Anyway, I wanted to know what you guys thought. I'm not stupid, this pregnancy so close to mine was always gonna hurt but if I thought that she was handling me with a bit of care too I could be happier for her. I just feel like crap and want to avoid the whole situation.

Please help!

carmella · 05-10-2004, 01:24 PM

Oh sweetie, I feel for you so much. My sister in law's due date is 10 days before mine was. Fortunately she lives in TX, but they are here this weekend for my little brothers graduation. About a month ago they called asking if my mother & I would throw her a shower as it's the last time they're coming to visit and her mother was too stressed to give one. I thought #1 How tacky to ask for a shower & #2 How dare they ask me. I guess they did not think about how extremely hard it would be for me thinking " I should be showing too, I should be in maternity clothes, That should be me." I was able to get through the shower, but I cried before, after and a little during it. I know people get wrapped up in themselves during pregnancy, heck I was probably that way when I was preg w/ my son. So I don't blame them, but it doesn't help my pain.

Anyways I'm rambling. If you need anyone to talk to (or even have a little bitter & vent chat) Please feel free to pm me!

Lots of HUGS
Carmen

PS TTC right away gave me a feeling of controll in an out of controll situation, so I know how you feel.

kwannabee · 05-10-2004, 05:57 PM

I just wanted to tell you that you;re not alone. Two days ago i should have been 8 months pregnant, with twins......and a week ago my sil had HER twins..early like i probably would have. I spent mothers day on the couch with a cold and thinking how i should be packing my hospital bag...anyway we were due around the same time...i think about her all the time and cant bring myself to call her...isnt that sad??!

She'll have her babies at the dinner table at christmas and whatever...and i wont have mine...luckilly for me we live far apart and dont socialize even though she's been very sympathetic...

so my family has moved forward too and left me in the dust...(they havent really i just cant be happy about anything yet) how do you sort out your feelings? You cant...you just gotta let them out and deal with them and move forward...dont feel guilty for feeling what you do...its part of your healing process...and you're entitled to do it your way. If your ttc after such a recent loss come join us over at the ttc after a loss thread...we're all dealing with the very same thing...and somehow sil's get bashed alot...not intentionally i dont think!

hang in there with your sister...it doesnt sound like she;'s being intentionally unsympathetic...but she might not realize how hard it really is for you...you might just have to say so.