Please Help!!! Need Opinion

Mya · 10-04-2005, 08:19 PM

OK,, i am not usually your "weido super jealous" person... BUT....
we have 2 computers,, i tend to use one and DH the other... well i was downstairs and wanted to quickly check my email... and i just thought.. hummmm wonder what DH did all day? well i was kinda pissed about all the porn sites that he had visited in just 1 day!!! but something i could not say anything about and it would pass...... but he left his MSN messager open,, i checked the history and seen that he had been talking to a girl from work... only today (or at least that all the history was for)... they were talking about her puppy and work.. and they are even on different shifts? ...he said "chicken wings wednesday"... (the guys (so i thought guys) go for wings wed night when on afternoon shift).... then she said "we should go out friday.. and he said "where" .. she said "i don't know, but i'll take to you at work anyway"..... that's kinda it
WHAT DO I DO??? I WANT TO CALL HIM AND YELL... BUT I AM THINKING OF DOING THIS...
waiting unitl tomorrow, check and see if they have talked again.... then he will (as per usual) call me from work to see if it's ok he goes for wings... then tell him "no i'll like him home" ... then keep an eye on the history unitl Friday... and see what happens or if he asks if he can go out friday?
WHAT DO YOU THINK? ...... it is going to take eveyhting i have not to blow up... I trust him,, but he has lied to me in the past,, many years ago,, (not cheated as far as i know).. but every time i find something i always think back and remember that he is capable of it........ as for the porn, we had a talk about 6months ago,, and i told him that i don't like it, especailly when we don't have sex all that often,, makes me feel like he has time to look at "those girls" but not time to have sex with me... i told him that i didn't mind in moderation.... he told me "that's fine i just won't look at it anymore, you won't ever have to feel that way again"... RIGHT THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG!!!!

chikana · 10-04-2005, 08:31 PM

Mya,
I wouldn't say anything yet. I know it is hard but just wait and see. The PM that you saw is innocent, even though I know I would be upset as well. If he knows that you have been looking at his history and all that he will be upset. I would wait until if and when you really have something to confront him about. Just be a little spy until then. Hopefully, he has nothing to hide. About the porn, hmmmmmmmmm I think a man is going to do what he wants if you tell him not to. Just my thought. Good luck and I hope you feel better.

curlytop · 10-04-2005, 09:11 PM

Is it possible for you to go out for wings with him? If so I would just to see what is going on and who is there with him. Or surprise him at the wing place and just tell him you missed him and wanted to see him. I would do as chikana said and just be a spy - give him a few days of pm time and check them everyday if you can- but keep in mind if this is all innocent then he will feel that you don't trust him if he finds out you have been checking up on him.

*Shellie_Star* · 10-04-2005, 09:18 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this

It must be on your mind constantly. I would probably wait and see where he says he is going Friday to see if he lies or check his messenger again before confronting him.

It's not particularly unusual to have colleagues on MSN. I have a few on mine and I know most people I knew also do too, I talk to the guys from work quite often about going out & stuff but there's nothing in it. It's nice to catch up out of work as often it's so busy/different shifts that I don't get to see people for very long to chat to. I do tell my partner who I talk to/go out with etc., so he always knows so I suppose it maybe a little different but it's easy to jump to conclusions when it could be innocent like that. I hope it is. x

DrewM · 10-04-2005, 09:24 PM

Do you know this girl he works with? If you don't and he doesn't want to introduce you then you may have problems....

But, if he really was doing something naughty, don't you think he would have closed it? People who are doing something wrong don't tend to leave evidence where it can be easily found.

Based on what you've said, and the fact that he does not have a history of cheating, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Like the previous posters said, it sounds innocent enough.

Good luck!

SC Natalie · 10-04-2005, 09:34 PM

Hi Mya,

DO NOT say anything yet...Let him go out for wings tomorrow...check his MSN tomorrow night. Then Again on Thurs...
On Thursday night, tell him you want to go out with him somewhere on Friday??? Where, I don't know, just tell him you would like to spend some time with him out of the house, and get his reaction....

If he tells you he wants to do something else, ask him what...If he says with other people or whatever, then ask him who, and just say OK...If you don't trust him then follow him, if you can, or If you know where is going then just show up there.
If something is not right in ur relationship, and something is meant to happen, you should not stop it...I believe it will happen for a reason...and you will find that out only in the future.
Once you loose trust, it takes years to get it back, then if you loose it again, your probably never going to be happy with that person...so you must keep your head up, and take care of yourself.

Does he talk to you about this co-worker/girl at work?

If you want, we can go into a live chat tonight, I will help you out!!!
Lemme know, either way - G/L!!!

One more thing....Does he know you to go through his computer?
What I mean is, if he knows you go through his computer then maybe it is all innocent? If not then I don't know...

Natalie!

Mya · 10-04-2005, 09:48 PM

thanks girls,,, helps just to talk about it!!
i will keep my lips zipped for now...
NATA - thanks.... it's not really "his computer" but i tend to stay upstairs, so he knows i could go on it anytime.... he had NEVER mentioned this girl... from a few other things they said she was talking about studying so i am assuming she is a university studnt!! great!! just what i want him doing hanging out with a bunch of pary girls!! he is working afternoons... so i won't be able to go for wings as i have to work early and he get's off at midnight... i have never been but he always says "me and the guys" ... so i assumed it was all guys.... friday night i have the same problem.. i am usually in bed.. and what could i say i wanted to do at midnight?.... but we are low on money so i could tell him i'd rather him not go out for chicken wings on wednesday and same with friday. although if i know anything more by friday iwill tell him to get his ass home i need to talk to him!!!

SC Natalie · 10-04-2005, 10:18 PM

Mya,

Why don't you ask him how work is? if he's getting along with everyone etc...

I would love to know his reaction.

What time can you go into the chat room?
That way we can talk direct...
I hate **** like this, so I want to help you!!!

Natalie!

Mya · 10-05-2005, 10:27 PM

hi.... well i managed not to say anything last night... and i checked the MSN today and they did not talk... although a couple porn sites.... he called from work (as usual) to ask about going for chicken wings.. i told him that i would rather him not go, as we don't really have the money... and since he just send a few hundred dollars on himself last week, he agreed and is coming home after work!!!!,,, sooooo now to monitor and see what this going out on friday brings...

chattabox_87 · 10-05-2005, 10:39 PM

good luck with monitoring him - it will all turn out the right way in the end

luv christa xoxox

Monikuddle · 10-06-2005, 01:15 PM

Like DrewM said, if it were something guilty, chances are he would've gone out of his way to hide his tracks. The fact that he didn't says that he's probably not trying to hide anything. It could be that they are just pals. It could also be that she's got a thing for him, but by the sounds of it he is probably staying totally faithful, since he had no qualms about coming home Wednesday night. Men have reputations for being easily...'distracted'. But I think we'd all be a little surprised if we knew how often they stayed faithful to us. keep your head up and keep us posted on what happens.

Babydust4me · 10-06-2005, 01:46 PM

I agree. I think this is all just two friends conversing over MSN and going out off and on. I would just let it be. If you feel the need to continue to check his IM's with this girl, go for it. However, maybe make more of an effort to use the computer downstairs from time to time so he knows you are using that one also. Then if something does come up that your are uncomfortable with you wont look like you were snooping, as you already use the computer downstairs at your leisure. The fact that the computer is blantently out in the open for anyone to use makes me think he isnt doing anything wrong. He isnt erasing the history chats from this girl or hiding the fact that he still looks at porn etc. So again, it makes me think he isnt doing anything "bad" or "shady". Had all the history of the IM's and porn sites been gone then I would wonder.

Nata- I think it wonderful you have Mya's best interest at heart, but I am wondering if you are adding fuel to the fire by making this situation seem bigger than it may really be?

SC Natalie · 10-06-2005, 03:42 PM

Babydust4me - The reason it may seem bigger to you, is because I believe there may be something there. I have a very strong intuition & he has never mentioned this girl to Mya. Why wouldn't he mention her? I tell DH about all the people at work etc...especially if speaking with them after hours...but either way, it doesn't matter - We all here to support each other.

Jenika21 · 10-07-2005, 04:58 PM

Mya- I just wanted to chime in here..I know its a little late but, is there any way the next time he mentions going out for wings that you can casually ask who all will be there? That is the first thing that I would do. If he leaves her name out then, I would think that he is hiding something. If it is just casual co worker friendship and he is doing nothing wrong then he would mention her. JMO

Mya · 10-08-2005, 09:56 PM

Update... No Chicken Wings Friday... Thursday They Talked, And She Aked "how Was Hurricains (place They Go For Wings).. And He Said "i Didn't Go" .... So She Didn't Even End Up Going!! Through The Conversation, I Found Out She Is A Student And Only Works Monday And Fridays.... She Is Only 21yrs Old!!!! The Conversation Was Ok, Pretty Casual.... She Mentioned Going Out On Friday After Work,, And He Said "who, Knows, Maybe" ... But He Never Asked Me About It And Came Home After Work....
Last Thing.... He Had A Stiff Neck And In The Mns Conversation He Asked Her What To Put On It Hot Or Cold,, And He Told Him Cold Since It Just Happened..... Well Later That Night He Told Me That He Put A Cold Pack On His Neck And It Helped It Feel Better, I Asked Him "how Did You Know How To Do That" And He Said "i Asked A Student From Work, She Is Taking Nursing At University" ... I Left It At That, I Did Want To Start Questioning Him About Her, Then He Would Never Mention Her Again.....
So For Now I Feel Better,, I Will Continue To Monitor Him A Little, Especially Since He Does Not Know I Suspect Anything.
Thanks Everyone For Your Help!