I've known her since senior year in high school and we got to be very close friends in college. We roomed together for two years. When I first met her she kept in pretty good shape and she was a happy-go-lucky person. Then our senior year in college, she transferred colleges to be near her fiance and things went downhill for her from there. She got lonely for her friends and family to the point of postponing her wedding and moving back in with her parents for a while. That was when she started putting on weight. Either her fiance or her parents eventually convinced her to try another school, go back to live with her fiance and get married. She got married and things got even worse. She bounced around from school to school, never sticking to any career goal or program and she put on a lot of weight. Her DH eventually graduated and he moved them to yet another state. She became very obsessive compulsive about things, did not bother trying to keep up her physical appearance or actively try to meet new people. Recently, she moved back in with her parents and her divorce will be final in the spring. She is doing a little better now that she is near her old friends and family but there are still issues that she needs to deal with. She says she does not want to get married again, yet she is not doing anything to come up with a career ambition where she can support herself and be self-sufficient. She starts weight loss plans and doesn't follow through. The weight loss, I know can be hard, especially because I suspect she has PCOS. Her sister has PCOS and I know it runs in families. I've tried to make her feel useful in many ways since she's been back. I've made a point of inviting her out if DH and I are going to dinner or a movie. When I was in my 3rd month of my pregnancy, I was on restricted activity I asked her to go food shopping with me and help me lift my groceries to give her something to make her feel needed (and I really did need her). I also told her that our baby is going to regard her as an honorary aunt.
I want to know if there is anything else I can do or if there are things I should talk to her parents about. She probably needs to be on some sort of anti-depressant, get some sort of treatment for her PCOS, and eventually get into some sort of job vocational program. I suggested the latter two things to her in a roundabout way but she has just kind of brushed it off. Should I try to intervene more or should I let her be to grieve her failed marriage? Should I leave things up to her and/or her parents to find her help? I really care about her a lot and I hate seeing her this way.
.... mabey sit down with her, just the two of you, and let her know that you care for her and that you are there for her for whatever she needs, sometimes it may seem obvious that you have been doing this but sometimes when someone is depressed they need to hear the actual words, let her know that if she needs or wants to talk or grieve about her marriage that you are there to listen and not judge her, be aware though that if she does come and talk to you about this she may repeat herself many times and tell stories that you have already heard, she just needs to get these things out...
....tell her you are concerned about her and want her to be happy...
...tell her straight out that you will help her come up with some goals and/or plans and thta you are willing to go over ideas and suggestions with her...
If you have already done these things then I am sorry to reiderate them and I hope that this has helped some....
....remember no matter what happens that sometimes there is just nothing you can do, a person has to want something for themselves before change is possible and you are a good friend.
Sincerely,
Misty
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What a wonderful friend and ali she has in you! But, before you can help her, she has to want help. You can only give her suggestions and support her, which you are already doing a great job of. You might leave some literature on PCOS around where she could see it, mention this site to her. Do you have PCOS, if you do you can talk about the symptoms you have, discuss the symptoms you have heard others have that she might have. Just make the info very available to her and be there for her. Encourage her to seek medical help, possibly grief therapy. Sometimes therapists can be a great motivator, too. If she decides she wants to join the world again, she'll be more motivated to take care of her health. Depression tends to make you want to hide. Wishing your friend good health, Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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Please tell me how to help my best friend 
