Plus sized Cysters What Do You Say When People Tell You, You Need to Lose Weight?

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 05-27-2005, 12:52 PM

What do you say when people tell you , you need to lose weight?
Has that ever happened to you? People think they're doing you a favor I guess and tell you you should lose weight.
I sometimes want to say, Oh really? I hadn't noticed. Do they really think we don't know this? I had a co-worker mention gastric bypass surgery to me totally out of the blue. I'm a size 22. I guess she was suggesting it for me. I just don't understand why these people can't mind their own business. Do they actually think their comments help us? I was a a car dealership and a salesman struck up a conversation with me. I had on a T-shirt from a fundraiser walk I had recently done. We talked about that. He went on to ask me, how do you gain so much weight, I mean don't you realize you're getting bigger and want to do something about. He was truly curious, he really wanted an answer. I looked at the skinny little man with a seriously receeding hairline, and I told him it was a lot like losing you hair. It's slow and gradual, you notice more hair in the sink but, think it's no big deal. Then, you see pictures of yourself from a few months ago and realize you're losing a little hair, then a year goes by and next thing you know half your head is showing and you hope no one notices, because you're combing it over! It felt so good to say that to him! His face just about turned purple!

Seriously, what do you say to people?

Gina

BeetleGirl · 05-27-2005, 12:56 PM

What I tell people when they say I need to lose weight is censored so I can't really say but I'm sure you get the idea.

Rozlynn · 05-27-2005, 01:00 PM

Well I think you did a fabulous job of putting that little man in his place...Some people are just ignorant - If its a little kid they just don't know better...now if its an adult It is so on and like BeetleGirl mine would be censored

tikvah · 05-27-2005, 01:06 PM

Oh my goodness, that is one of the funniest things EVER. I am AMAZED at your presence of mind. That is totally something I think later, "Oh I should have said that" so that's awesome that you thought of it right then and there. You go, girl.
Oh, here in Taiwan I definitely hear that. One guy, a doctor, told my coworker that he would pray that we could both lose weight. As I posted elsewhere, in the "Do you ever get treated differently because you're fat" thread, this is just a cultural thing here, so I wouldn't say anything mean to them. I don't think anyone in America ever really told me that, other than my doctors, but that doesn't bother me.
Now that I think of it, I can think of more instances where people said nice things to me about it. I mean, like once someone offered me York peppermint patties, and said, "And there's only 4 grams of fat" but then she said, "Not that you need to be worried about that" which I thought was nice. And once in McDonalds, when I was eating a salad without dressing, a lady said, "Honey, don't you worry about the fat in it."

tomsqtee123 · 05-27-2005, 02:45 PM

Well believe it or not I have family members tell me that I am fat and that they can't believe that I had gotten that way since I was thin as a teenager. I always tell them well if you don't like the way I look and it bothers you then don't look a me. They always get surprised by that statement.

emmj · 05-27-2005, 02:52 PM

Way to go Gina....that is great!!!!!! I would have loved to have been there to see that!!!!!

I don't have the anything for the weight issue, thank God I have never been it the situation, but I do have a great come back for a nursing mom. It seems everyone is curious after you have a baby as to whether or not "you are going to breastfeed"--even strangers, well frankly it is nobody's business. So, when someone(a stranger) asked me if I was nursing my baby, my reply to them was "WHY ARE YOU THIRSTY?" That comment I made ended that conversation FAST!

BonnieBee · 05-27-2005, 02:58 PM

I'm small enough that people don't usually tell me that, but I have a close friend who weighs about 280lbs and her grandmother keeps telling her to go on a diet. She was really upset about that one night until I pointed out that if she DOES try to lose weight, it needs to be because she wants to, not because her grandma wants her to.

A lot of people (particularly those who have NEVER had a weight problem) don't realize it's not just a matter of not eating so many twinkies. Some people will stare at an overweight person eating a hamburger and think "how can you eat that?" when the person who is staring is eating a double cheeseburger and large fries with a chocolate shake! As if being larger means you aren't supposed to eat or something!

If only more people were educated about things like storage hormones, cell expansion, and other things that contribute to make it SO hard to lose weight. Once the body has decided to store fat, it doesn't want to let go. The more you weigh the harder it is to lose. People who ARE trying to lose weight should get encouragement, not just a "well, it's about time".

astrophe · 05-27-2005, 03:01 PM

Used all of these and others depending on my mood, the circumstances, and who it is and how it is meant:

Thanks. (Then silence.)
Thanks. You need to learn some manners.
Thank you, but in this case you need not worry about it for my sake.
Thanks. I'm working on it.
Thanks. I know. It simply takes a while to do it with PCOS/IR.
Thank you, but that's between me and my doctor.
Thank you. I'm not unaware that I am obese.
Thank you. But it's not your business.
Thank you. But it's not up for discussion, and if you keep bugging me about it I'm just not going to hang with you any more.
Thanks you for your concern, but just because my health problems are visible doesn't mean it is good manners to put me on the spot about it.
Thanks for putting me on the spot. You have great manners. (sarcastic)
Thanks. I know I'm fat. Do you know you are rude?
Thanks. I'm dying. (Anyone who is alive is in the process of dying, so I'm not exactly lying. But it brings them up short real fast, and makes them think twice about doing it to me again or to some other poor person!)

Thankfully, I don't get it too often. Probably because now that I'm a size 18, I'm still fat, but I blend into the crowd better than I used to 50 lbs ago.

But it still hurts when some stanger who knows NOTHING about me, my efforts, how I live, casually yells out something mean for no apparant reason.

I actually had someone say to me very shortly after birthing my daughter ( I was coming from a 262 lb high) that my baby was real cute but I was a fat freak who should lay off the cake. What the hell?!

I had all this trouble conceiveing her, a high risk pregnancy, a threatened miscarriage, an emergency c-sect, I was a new mother, worried about my PCOS and weight problems and nursing and I don't know what all... and you tell me THAT?

Some people don't have any manners or sense at ALL. They SHOULD be more considerate, but I'm not holding my breath for that to happen. It's more effective for me to learn to let it go, and dismiss them as casually as they seem to dismiss me.

So of all the responses... my fav is probably

"Thanks. I know I'm fat. Do you know you are rude?"
A.

Laina's Mom · 05-27-2005, 03:05 PM

I can't believe that guy said that to you! People are so rude. I have never had that happen, but will be ready if it ever does. Something along the lines of "Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to hurt my feelings and remind me again of the medical condition that I have that there is no cure for. Would you like to sit down with me and talk about it, or are you too embarrassed now?"

girlywhirly · 05-27-2005, 03:18 PM

My sister, whenever she comes over to visit from another country, tells me that I need to lose weight. She asks me to tell her my current weight. Whattt? I'd never tell a soul. Then, when I don't tell her, she tries to guess it. In front of my whole family.

And my mother, each and every single day, reminds me that I need to lose weight.

My one and only (ex)boyfriend, in bed, told me that I needed to lose weight and even gave me some tips. He told me to eat more fruits and vegetables and less fatty food. My boyfriend! In bed! I was devestated. I mean, like, doesn't he think I know that?? If it were that simple!!

strangers- not so much.

Oh - and I don't do anything. I nod. I never say anything about pcos. I'm too embarrassed to let them know about pcos because they'd know about the symptoms and I"m just too embarrassed so I keep it a secret.

astrophe · 05-27-2005, 03:19 PM

16 mos later and I still can't believe that guy said that to me either! Jeez!

But I like your response too.:

Quote:

"Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to hurt my feelings and remind me again of the medical condition that I have that there is no cure for. Would you like to sit down with me and talk about it, or are you too embarrassed now?"

And there ARE people who are lovely, lovely people.

I had one older gentlemen tell me I "simply looked exquisite with child" when I was at my pregnancy high and he opend a door for me. I looked like hell -- huge, hot, uncomfortable, acne, leaking boobs, etc. But he still told me I looked absolutely exquisite with child. That was a welcome boost!

I had/have a problem with my relatives too -- esp. parents. I know it's some kind of misguided "we care about you" thing but it certainly isn't helpful nor constructive.

A.

AlyBlu · 05-27-2005, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickiandJamiesMom

What do you say when people tell you , you need to lose weight?
Has that ever happened to you? People think they're doing you a favor I guess and tell you you should lose weight.
I sometimes want to say, Oh really? I hadn't noticed. Do they really think we don't know this? I had a co-worker mention gastric bypass surgery to me totally out of the blue. I'm a size 22. I guess she was suggesting it for me. I just don't understand why these people can't mind their own business. Do they actually think their comments help us? I was a a car dealership and a salesman struck up a conversation with me. I had on a T-shirt from a fundraiser walk I had recently done. We talked about that. He went on to ask me, how do you gain so much weight, I mean don't you realize you're getting bigger and want to do something about. He was truly curious, he really wanted an answer. I looked at the skinny little man with a seriously receeding hairline, and I told him it was a lot like losing you hair. It's slow and gradual, you notice more hair in the sink but, think it's no big deal. Then, you see pictures of yourself from a few months ago and realize you're losing a little hair, then a year goes by and next thing you know half your head is showing and you hope no one notices, because you're combing it over! It felt so good to say that to him! His face just about turned purple!

Seriously, what do you say to people?

Gina

NICE, Gina! I think you did well. I have to go, but I will read this all later and post.

Swingin' Cyster · 05-27-2005, 04:10 PM

PCOS hit me right at puberty. Didn't know what it was until 10 years later. I did (do) have a fondness for starchy foods. My parents each mentioned in very loving tones that I needed to lose weight (all while whisking me from specialist to specialist to find out why I was hemoraghing every month) It was very difficult b/c my whole family is very skinny (except dad and that's just normal middle age weight gain) and eat terribly. I slimmed down during my senior year of hs and everyone complimented me. But then the my body grew immune to the vitex and I now weigh more than ever. No one has mentioned it to my face but it's hard not to notice when I'm out with the family. I detest having my picture taken and also feel that if only I were skinny, that some guy would be attracted to me and I wouldn't be alone...

sigh....
I like all of your responses!
Kara

notcrazy · 05-27-2005, 04:22 PM

I just got back from vacation and I was dreading going since I hadn't lost enough weight for a week in a bikini. Everywhere we went local men would do a double take, smile, and say something like "very nice" or "exquisite". At first I thought it was just because they're not use to blonde hair. When I was a kid and first started traveling and we went to Spain and Mexico, the locals were just mesmerized by blonde hair. So I marked it up to that though I figured they would have been use to it since they're a British colony. We were partying at a bar and I got to talking to a local there and he finally told me what all the hub-bub was about...he said, "There isn't anything better than a white woman with a black woman's body." I almost fell off my bench laughing...might have been the rum. Anyway it was funny, one skinny girl on our boat was always referred to by the locals as "beautiful, very beautiful" and I was always referred to as "exquisite". It was as if they could appreciate a skinny woman as magazine beautiful but could also appreciate a plump woman as real life beautiful. Anyway, I had a hoot. I don't think I ever caused such a stir even when I was bone skinny...even bone skinny I still had a big butt. Anyway, if you need a pickmeup, vacation in the BVI's, they like their women meaty and aren't afraid to let you know they like what they see.

Anyway my mom is the worse. What did she say this weekend...oh, "How much weight have you lost? You look like you again." Who the hell did I look like before?

hormonalwv · 05-27-2005, 05:53 PM

My sister's doctor one told her she needed to lose weight and her reply was, "Tell me something I DON'T know."

Of course, this was a few years ago and I an now convinced she has PCOS as well. Try telling her this..geeze she's stubborn!