Poems, Songs, Quotes, and Special Thoughts to Share

SheriKCMO · 02-09-2007, 04:26 PM

Cysters, if you get a chance to share something here that was meaningful to you or that you wrote, please do. There are times we really like to hear someone else's heart open and saying beautiful things. Many times we will identify with a poem or song and feel some healing and comfort. Links are okay, but if you don't mind cutting and pasting here, that would be easiest for the reader. I will try to look through the archives for some that have been shared before.
Thank you so much!

I am going to add one here, one that was posted long after I started this thread but addresses almost everyone here. Unknown author.

Oh Mother, my mother

Oh Mother, my mother

I touch your tears
invisible fingers
soothing your skin.
I know you think of me so often
in the day, in the night,
in your dreams
going into an empty nursery
knowing I'll never be there
but I am... in your heart
in your soul, I shall always be
for you gave so unselfishly of yourself.
Inside of you , you created
such a world for me
a world of laughter, of love
of sadness, of sorrow
every emotion people come to know
you shared with me.
And even though I may never
feel your arms around me
I felt your heart beating,
like a lullaby, singing me to sleep
and your spirit giving me a safe haven
already protecting me
nurturing me
preparing me of things to come.
But sometimes the journey
of life pulls souls apart
and yes, I had to go on
to another place.
I wish I could stay
I wish this was a decision I could make
and I know you do too.
Know this wherever you are:
I will always remember
that yours was the first love
the first joy, the first soul
I will ever know
you gave me the courage to
go on in my journey
I hope I can do the same
for you
Your heart beat will always
call me to you.

Love, Your Child

HannahE · 02-12-2007, 03:38 PM

This was a post when I had my m/c and it helped me a lot (and still does)

The Truth Is...

1. The truth ISN'T that you will feel "all better" in a couple of days, or weeks, or even months.

The truth IS that the days will be filled with an unending ache and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while. Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression through the stages of grief and mourning.

2. The truth isn't that a new pregnancy will help you forget.

The truth is that, while thoughts of a new pregnancy soon may provide hope, a lost infant deserves to be mourned just as you would have with anyone you loved. Grieving takes a lot of energy and can be both emotionally and physically draining. This could have an impact upon your health during another pregnancy. While the decision to try again is a very individualized one, being pregnant while still actively grieving is very difficult.

3. The truth isn't that pills or alcohol will dull the pain.

The truth is that they will merely postpone the reality you must eventually face in order to begin healing. However, if your doctor feels that medication is necessary to help maintain your health, use it intelligently and according to his/her instructions.

4. The truth isn't that once this is over your life will be the same.

The truth is that your upside-down world will slowly settle down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate person, better prepared to handle the hard times that everyone must deal with sooner or later. When you consider that you have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a family, as you heal you will become aware of how strong you are.

5. The truth isn't that grieving is morbid, or a sign of weakness or mental instability.

The truth is that grieving is work that must be done. Now is the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, flow with it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier if you expect that it is variable, that some days are better than others. Be patient with yourself. There are no short cuts to healing. The active grieving will be over when all the work is done.

6. The truth isn't that grief is all-consuming.

The truth is that in the midst of the most agonizing time of your life, there will be laughter. Don't feel guilty. Laugh if you want to. Just as you must allow yourself the time to grieve, you must also allow yourself the time to laugh. Viewing laughter as part of the healing process, just as overwhelming sadness is now, will make the pain more bearable.

7. The truth isn't that one person can bear this alone.

The truth is that while only you can make the choices necessary to return to the mainstream of life a healed person, others in your life are also grieving and are feeling very helpless. As unfair as it may seem, the burden of remaining in contact with family and friends often falls on you. They are afraid to "butt in," or they may be fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. This makes them feel even more helpless. They need to be told honestly what they can do to help. They don't need to be told, "I'm doing fine" when you're really NOT doing fine. By allowing others to share in your pain and assist you with your needs, you will be comforted and they will feel less helpless.

8. The truth isn't that God must be punishing you for something.

The truth is that sometimes these things just happen. They have happened to many people before you, and they will happen to many people after you. This was not an act of any God; it was an act of Nature. It isn't fair to blame God, or yourself, or anyone else. Try to understand that it is human nature to look for a place to put the blame, especially when there are so few answers to the question, "Why?" Sometimes there are answers. Most times there are not. Believing that you are being punished will only get in the way of your healing.

9. The truth isn't that you will be unable to make any choices or decisions during this time.

The truth is that while major decisions, such as moving or changing jobs, are better off being postponed for now, life goes on. It will be difficult, but decisions dealing with the death of your baby (seeing and naming the baby, arranging and/or attending a religious ritual, taking care of the nursery items you have acquired) are all choices you can make for yourself. Well-meaning people will try to shelter you from the pain of this. However, many of us who have suffered similar losses agree that these first decisions are very important. They help to make the loss real. Our brains filter out much of the pain early on as a way to protect us. Very soon after that, we find ourselves reliving the events over and over, trying to remember everything. This is another way that we acknowledge the loss. Until the loss is real, grieving cannot begin. Being involved at this early time will be a painful experience, but it will help you deal with your grief better as you progress by providing comforting memories of having performed loving, caring acts for your baby.

10. The truth isn't that you will be delighted to hear that a friend or other loved one has just given birth to a healthy baby.

The truth is that you may find it very difficult to be around mothers with young babies. You may be hurt, or angry, or jealous. You may wonder why you couldn't have had that joy. You may be resentful, or refuse to see friends with new babies. You may even secretly wish that the same thing would happen to someone else. You want someone to understand how it feels. You may also feel very ashamed that you could wish such things on people you love or care about, or think that you must be a dreadful person. You aren't. You're human, and even the most loving people can react this way when they are actively grieving. If the situations were reversed, your friends would be feeling and thinking the same things you are. Forgive yourself. It's OK. These feelings will eventually go away.

11. The truth isn't that all marriages survive this difficult time.

The truth is that sometimes you might blame one another, resent one another, or dislike being with one another. If you find this happening, get help. There are self-help groups available or grief counselors who can help. Don't ignore it or tuck it away assuming it will get better. It won't. Actively grieving people cannot help one another. It is unrealistic, like having two people who were blinded at the same time teach each other Braille. Talking it out with others may help. It might even save your marriage.

12. The truth isn't that eventually you will accept the loss of your baby and forget all about this awful time.

The truth is that acceptance is a word reserved for the understanding you come to when you've successfully grieved the loss of a parent, or a grandparent, or a beloved older relative. When you lose a child, your whole future has been affected, not your past. No one can really accept that. But there is resolution in the form of healing and learning how to cope. You will survive. Many of us who have gone through this type of grief are afraid we might forget about our babies once we begin to heal. This won't happen. You will always remember your precious baby because successful grieving carves a place in your heart where he or she will live forever.

NicMarc1213 · 02-17-2007, 10:26 PM

Thank you for posting that Hannah.

PJC · 02-22-2007, 11:48 PM

There are a million poems out there that have touched my heart...but this one really hit home for me...I just came across it the other day...

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.
Author Unknown

SomedayMom · 03-23-2007, 01:34 PM

Dixie Chicks - 2 of the msifferend from infertility - this is the song they wrote about it. There's a ling to the article at the end.

Lyrics for Song: So Hard
Lyrics for Album: Taking The Long Way

Back when we started
We didn't know how hard it was
Living on nothing
But what the wind would bring to us
Now we've got something
I can imagine fighting for
So why is fighting all that we're good at anymore

And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard

It felt like a given
Something a woman's born to do
A natural ambition
To see a reflection of me and you

And I'd feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn't give
And could you be happy
If life wasn't how we pictured it

And sometimes I just want to wait it out
To prove everybody wrong
And I need your help to move on
Cause you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
So hard

I can live for the moment
When all these clouds open up for me to see
And show me a vision
Of you and me swimming peacefully

Last night you told me
That you can't remember
How to feel free

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy, easy

It's so hard
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/SummerConc...1998321&page=1

stacey7444 · 04-16-2007, 01:48 PM

FOR THOSE FEW WEEKS
For those few weeks -
I had you to myself
And that seems too short a time
To be changed so profoundly
In those few weeks -
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks -
When I lost you I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks -
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how important and special you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no-one is mourning the passing.
Just a few more weeks -
And no 'normal' person would cry all night
over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No-one would, so why am I?
You were just those first few weeks my little one
you darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer.
~~ By Susan Erling

stacey7444 · 04-16-2007, 02:01 PM

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade
At least that's what they say
But doesn't anyone understand?
We lost our child today

We'll never get to hold her
or tuck her in at night
We never got to say goodbye
or sing to her a lullaby

She'll never laugh or play or swing
She'll never to get to do anything
Not with us, anyway.

We're supposed to take comfort
In knowing she's with God
But really, right this moment
It just feels so odd.

To never touch that tiny hand
To never kiss her face
To know that she's forever more
In the final resting place.

But there will dawn tomorrow
A brand new day you see
And then it won't hurt as bad
that she's not here with me.

We never will forget her
the hopes and dreams we had
But the memory will someday become
A smile that's not so sad.

For we'll know that she's in heaven
Watching from above
Waiting for the day we'll meet
And knowing that she's loved.
Author unknown

aroth8704 · 04-18-2007, 03:36 PM

I just want to say thank you SO much for all of the above posts. We lost our baby on January 10th when we were just 9 weeks pregnant and just lately I have been having a really hard time with it. Reading thru these posts has really made me remember that I am not the only one that feels this way and that I won't always feel this bad. Someday I will be able to remember that I will get to see my baby, but until then they are having a wonderful time up in heaven with God and they are preparing a place for me to come and join them. Thanks again.

stacey7444 · 04-19-2007, 03:48 AM

So sorry for your loss it alway takes awhile for it to hit me to and always with a suprise the littlest thing can set it off my last m/c a few weeks after i saw a pregnancy test commercial and cryed my eyes out the rest of the day you will feel better and i will pray for you and your baby maybe your baby is up in heaven playing with mine and the rest of ours maybe they have a group like ours and they talk about us ha ha just like we talk about them

snoozer · 05-21-2007, 12:24 AM

Thank you all for the lovely poems and songs. They are very comforting.

aroth8704 · 08-12-2007, 03:14 PM

I just watched this video on you tube by Kellie Coffey and it is an amazing song. Here is the link for it.

You Tube

Shell Bell · 08-12-2007, 05:51 PM

All,
My thoughts are prayers are with you always, as loss of our little angels make no sense. I am very thankful for this pcos website and my family and friends that have helped me get through this hard time.

cheereeo · 08-28-2007, 12:00 AM

Just noticed this sticky, so I'm posting this one here too.

I found this on a website and just had to share this here. We all know how hard loss is for our DH's too and so often they don't/can't show it and can feel ignored in the process. So sad but so true.

A Father's Grief
Author Unknown

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief,

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field calls and visitors
So she can get some rest,

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through,
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave--
He lost his baby too.

Melissa0909 · 10-02-2007, 02:12 PM

I thought of you, closed my eyes, and prayed to God today I asked, "What makes a mother" and I know I heard him say. "A mother has a baby this we know is true." But God can you be a mother if your baby's not with you?" "Yes you can," he replied with confidence in his voice. "I give many women babies, but when they leave is not their choice. Som I send for a lifetime, and others for a day. Some I send to feel your womb, but there is no need to stay." " I just dont understand God, I want my baby to be here." He took a deep breath, cleared his throat, then I saw the tear. "I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child's smile with all the other children and hear him say..."We go to earth to learn our lessons of love, life, and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom wha has so much love for me, I learned my lessons quickly and my mommy set me free. I miss my mommy oh so much, but I visit her everyday. When she goes to sleep her pillow is where I lay. I stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear. Mommy don't be sad today I'm your baby and I'm here." So you see my dear sweetones, your children are okay. Your babies are born here in my home and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me until your lessons through and on the day you come home, they'll be at the gate for you. So now you see what makes a mother, it's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize, you are a mother until their time is done, they'll be up here with me one day and know you are the best one!"

hela · 10-02-2007, 02:56 PM

thank you melissa, that is beautiful