Police Record :( Stupid thing I did.....

CherryPopTart · 05-16-2003, 08:37 PM

I haven't been able to get pregnant and my husband and I are hoping to build our family via Russian adoption. We have done plenty of research to find an agency and will begin the adoption process in July.

However, I am worried about an incident that occured 2 years ago. In a moment of pure stupidity, I did something that's actually out of character for me. I put a small dent in someone's car by kicking it. As I said, this was and is, out of character for me.... It was an extremely tense and traumatic time in my life. I regained my composure and "did the right thing." I was not arrested, but I was charged with a misdemeanor (destruction of private property) and had to pay a $25 fine. I also paid for the damages....on my own, without a court order.

I did a search on the forums for "criminal history" and I've noticed quite a few comments with things like "....as long as the incident didn't involve children." Here is a run down of the situation.....I'm wondering if anybody can shed a little light on what a social worker or an agency might think of it.

My "dumbest thing I ever did" moment didn't harm any children or cause any harm to them....but it was related to children.

I had helped to raise 2 children that belonged to my best friend. I was the unofficial nanny. I lived in the home with the kids, my friend and her husband. She worked nights....and I took care of the children. My friend was a very irresponsible parent.....and usually thought of herself before she thought of her kids. Anyway, I was there when they were born......I taught them to read, I got up with them at night when they were babies.....I loved them as though they were my own and for many years I was their primary caretaker. In June of 2001 my friend went completely off the deep-end. She took the kids, ages 8 and 3, and left her husband for a woman. Not just a woman....but an abusive woman.

The car-kicking occured when she was leaving with the kids. I just felt so helpless......helpless to protect them or give them a better life. Not to mention the fact that I wouldn't see them again and my heart was breaking. The car that I kicked was my "friend's" girlfriend's. I'm lucky she didn't knock me out! To add to the hurt, it turns out that my friend had lied about the paternity of the children as well. They were not her husband's. So....even though I remained friends with her husband, he too was cut off from two children that he loved as his own.

Anyway, she called the police and there was a big scene. I was mortified beyond belief. I pay my taxes, drive the speed limit, and I work at a church for crying out loud! I'm a really quiet, shy, law-abiding citizen.

So -- that's that.

Everything I've read says you can't adopt if you have a FELONY on your record. This is just a misdemeanor....but I am still horribly worried and nervous about it.

*head hanging*
Therese

Lisa67 · 05-16-2003, 08:52 PM

I wish I could help you out, but I'm afraid I don't have a clue. My best advice would be that when it comes to your homestudy time, that you are honest with your social worker. I have a feeling it won't be held against you.

Good luck & take care,
Lisa

websissy · 05-16-2003, 09:11 PM

Ditto on Lisa's advice.

After you explained the situation in your post, I can't blame you for getting angry in this emotional situation. Heck, you kicked a car, not a person - that's not criminal.

I know my social worker said past discreations are looked at sometimes as that - in that as long as it not something that you make a habit of - that it shouldn't be a big deal.

Good luck!

One tattered Angel · 05-17-2003, 05:05 AM

By chance do you know someone that may know the person who would be doing your home study? I had a friend who recently married a guy whose ex wife was in a serious car wreck. SHe survived but had major head injuries that cased her to have major brain damage. This in turn made her do things without knowing what was really happeneing. For instance If someone went to give her a hug she would freak out saying the person was trying to kill her and would call the police. After a while he ended up with a long rap sheet. His wife later died and that is when he met my friend. They married and decided because they were older they would do fostercare. Whenever they pulled up their criminal backgrounds for the check he had all this on him. They had some friends that were very well known in the community write letters and eventually called the agency to tell them what happened. It cleared him and they have since been grated a wonderful homestudy. I know this is long but I just wanted you to know there is some hope out there. ( By the way I think they had their 31st fosterkid come thru their home this past year

) It could be something worth looking into.

JenJen78 · 05-19-2003, 12:43 AM

Therese,
I would suggest that you just call the place you want to do your homestudy and tell them what happened and ask them if this would be a problem. I would imagine that it won't be, but if they tell you it is, I would try calling a few more places. All agencies look at things differently.

Just for instance, my DH had a DUI about 7 or 8 years ago. Of course that is longer than your issues, but I would think a DUI would be worse. I told the homestudy agency upfront, and she just made sure that in the homestudy, she had Greg say that it was a bad mistake and that he would never do it again.

Hope this helps,

CherryPopTart · 05-19-2003, 01:31 PM

Thanks for the replies.

I feel a little better about it now. My plan is to just go to the agency and let them know what happened. We have so many people that will vouch for us, so I hope it will be a non-issue.

And even if it keeps us from adopting....I still have faith. I just have to leave it in God's hand and believe that He will give us a child somehow. I believe in miracles!!

Thanks again!
Therese

cbeldner · 05-19-2003, 03:34 PM

My husband had something questionable in his past that we also thought might be an issue.

The important thing is to be honest. During our homestudy we had several seperated interviews. They asked him about this incident in private and never asked me anything about it.

During this process you are going to be paranoid about everything. And some things to us seemed unfair because any person can just walk into a hospital and no one cares on what kind of parent they will be. But for those of us that are called to the adoption journey, our lives are exposed and it's a very uncomfortable feeling.

There is nothing about you or your husband that isn't perfect. God has chosen you to be on this journey and he will see you thru!!!

Good luck.

adopt a child · 06-02-2003, 04:11 PM

basically all the agencies are looking for are felonys, if you are honest with your worker to begin with, there wont be any issues!