Positive: My liver enzymes are normal for the first time in years!! What a huge relief. I woke up with a really frightening panic attack at 3am this morning, got myself back to sleep for an hour, don't know how - God obviously. Rushed to the doc, did an EKG - normal. And an u/s of my heart - normal. Yay! Thank God for that. sad: most of my problems, my doctor said is from "too much adrenaline coming from your adrenals, you need to slow down w/all the exercise you're doing, and 13 pounds in two weeks is too much" I don't understand.
Saw my therapist and sobbed like I've never sobbed before, at the end of the session and after, I couldn't drive, didn't know what to do with myself. She is touching on some major stuff, and I feel like she is coming down hard on me. I am so very confused cysters, it hurts so bad when I have to face reality, god it hurts. I am in the process of growing away from my family - trying so hard in individualizing myself apart from them and the total dysfunction, and I don't know how. I emailed my therapist, but wonder if I should just shut up. I know I'm hard on myself, just really hurting. My therapist reminded me of self care, "when was the last time you saw a good movie, walked on the beach, set boundaries w/your family"...
I dont know how.
So, now all I have left is the PET scan next week, and an appt with the Endo for an in depth thyroid study and I don't even know what to ask for, since you have to be direct with these doctors. I am so sick of crying and am exhausted, my head is pounding. I really feel alone, even though I have people who care about me, it just seems like my therapist is keeping her distance b/c she is not happy with something I am doing right now, yet I can read between the lines. I understand she has my best interest in mind, it's just that I need to follow direction, and do what someone w/more wisdom is trying to teach me, and I feel uneasy and scared - really scared.
Thanks for reading if you did.
You need to take a vacation. You dont have to go far the nearest motel is just fine. Go and dont tell anyone where to contact you. Take 24 hours to sleep eat crap and watch the tube. Cry if you have to. When you come back you will feel like a different person and will be able to cope with things better. Sounds strange but the only person that can help you is YOU and if you dont put yourself first you will never be happy.
Good luck and big hugs.
You should be at the top of the things to do list.
__________________ Heather
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You need to take a vacation. You dont have to go far the nearest motel is just fine. Go and dont tell anyone where to contact you. Take 24 hours to sleep eat crap and watch the tube. Cry if you have to. When you come back you will feel like a different person and will be able to cope with things better. Sounds strange but the only person that can help you is YOU and if you dont put yourself first you will never be happy.
Good luck and big hugs.
You should be at the top of the things to do list.
Heady!! LOL the much needed vacation sounds dang good! I am going to Arizona in a few weeks, Sedona, Flagstaff, etc. so that will be nice. I'm being told to put me first from my friends, my therapist, so I guess I will start working on that.
Thanks cysters, I just tell myself that we can start our day over anytime we want
congrats on all of the normal "lab" work. Take a calming breath.......let it out. Vacation is a good place to start (are you going to arizona for business or pleasure? sometimes work can cause alot of stress causing adrenaline surges.) But even if it is for work have fun.... do something for you.. Get a facial, get your nails done, get your hair done. Slow down and enjoy life for all of the curves it throws at you. I hope things get better and dont forget WE are here to talk if you need to.
You know you can pm/email me anytime--I'm always ready to listen, hon! Take a few minutes (at least!) for yourself every day--whether that's reading a few pages of a favorite book or enjoying a snack or taking a walk or whatever. Just do it without distraction, without conversation--give yourself a chance to calm down and clear your head. You know I'm praying for you!
{hug} Anna-Jo
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You cysters warm my heart - thank you, I am so grateful for you!
cjboo, I took a breathe as I read that part in your post, I did that all morning when my heart started fluttering. When I was cleaning up my place, I noticed my heart didn't flutter, weird? Going to AZ for pleasure.
I was thinking about getting a massage this week.
I just wish I could stop making lists and do that - clear my head, it seems I'm always on the go go go, maybe I do it, b/c I don't want to just 'be' ya know...
I'm being told to put me first from my friends, my therapist, so I guess I will start working on that.
First of all, I am sorry you are going through so much and feeling this way....Hopefully your vacation will give you a new start
I aslo wasnt to comment on putting yourself first....I have a HUGE problem with this. I put everyone ahead of myself and my needs....it is a hard habit to change, but we both have to do it....i just don't know where to start
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I agree with the other ladies who have been suggesting some time for just you. For the tension in my back, I try to get a massage every 2-3 weeks, because I tend to get tense enough that I pull my spine out of alignment. I am a compulsive list maker too, but I find when I get a massage, it really slows my mind down, to the point where sometimes even when I start making lists while I am laying there, they fall off rather quickly. By the time that hour's done, I am more relaxed and my brain is moving at a slower pace. It's a nice feeling.
An hour isn't a lot of time to take, but it's a start if you can't escape for a few days.
positive yet sad post 
What a huge relief. I woke up with a really frightening panic attack at 3am this morning, got myself back to sleep for an hour, don't know how - God obviously. Rushed to the doc, did an EKG - normal. And an u/s of my heart - normal. Yay! Thank God for that.
