Post Traumatic Stress

HOLLAND · 05-29-2008, 01:03 PM

I think I've been suffering from this for years now but have just recently started to think that I'm really dealing with this.

As a child I had Leukemia (ALL). Even though I was very young I still remember everything about it. It was a very difficult time for me and my family. I still have to go for yearly blood test which ends up bring back bad memories. Also if the tests come back abnormal then I'm really a nutcase for a while. Could it be possible that I might be suffering from this? I've been very depressed the past few years and have had some major anxiety issues. I feel like if I mention this to my family that they will just think I'm crazy for thinking this up. I'm going to be 30 soon and this happened when I was a very young child.....4/5 years old but was not considered cured till 11 years. As long as I can remember I've been having problems with anxiety and depression. I'm already on something for anxiety (can't remember the generic name right now) but I don't feel that it's really helping me as much as it could.

I also witnessed a very bad accident last week that's really been bothering me. That's probably what's gotten me to think that this could be my problem.

Any advice would be great!

Bethann · 05-29-2008, 02:48 PM

I don't know what your diagnosis might be, but at this point it doesn't really matter--the anxiety and depression are interfering in your life and you deserve better than that.

Do you see a psychiatrist? If not, you probably should. There are dozens of options for anxiety, there's no reason why you should stay on a medication that's not helping you, and they would also be a good person to help you figure out how to best treat your other issues--therapy, medication, or both.

Sweetface · 05-29-2008, 05:03 PM

I think certain people have a predisposition to PTSD and having cancer is not making it any easier to cope. Or having had cancer.

I have severe things happen to me and I have PTSD too. It only flares when the same trauma happens and it just makes PCOS worse and the anxiety that comes with it. No one cares about PTSD I have found. If I tell someone about it I hear, "We're all traumatized!, get over it." They don't understand how debilitating it can feel until we are over the hump.

2-3 years of depression - thats a long time. I'd see abetter psychiatrist. I have never seen a psychiatrist because I also think having hormonal disorders contribute to our vulnerability to not handle certain stressors so I tackle it all thru hormones if I can.

liberty1234 · 05-29-2008, 05:06 PM

I have severe depression, and just recently I decided to see a psychiatrist. It has helped me so much, and I would certainly recommend it to you. Just make sure that you find a person that you are comfortable with and who meets your needs.

PBLayzod · 05-29-2008, 05:14 PM

PTSD sounds like a perfectly reasonable reaction for a cancer survivor. A combo of meds and therapy would probably help. If you aren't already seeing someone, ask your doctor for a referral. If you still have contact with the oncologist, they could probably give you some great referrals.

sallyn · 06-01-2008, 12:42 AM

hi,

i'm sorry to hear about your experience and that you're having a hard time. PTSD does not have as much of the awareness as i think it should...i am a clinician in metal health and i have some special training and experience in trauma. i was also born into a war and a "survivor" of ongoing childhood sexual abuse (sorry to disclose that to everyone!), so i know how trauma related issues can impact your life and how isolating they can be.

i second other people's comments about talking to someone you are comfortable with. but, sometimes, in the aftermath of a trauma, it's hard to feel safe or comfortable with other people, even if it is just sharing a little bit about yourself. at the same time, it may sometimes feel like you aren't even sure where to start talking about it or what to even say...it can be hard to share what you're feeling or thinking with someone else when you're not even sure how to put it into words clearly. i'll share what some of my thoughts are on what may be helpful, some of which was crucial in helping me.

i strongly recommend a book by Judith Herman called "Trauma and Recovery." when i was younger and dealing with ptsd (but had no idea what was going on for me...at the time, i didn't even remember the abuse), i had to read this book for one of my classes. this book honestly changed my life and helped me start to really heal. it helped me understand the nature of a person's response to trauma and see the ways that it was doing that to me. i saw so many ways that it had encroached into my view of the world, view of myself, and how i responded to things. it felt so weird because i started to understand and process everything differently. that in and of itself made it a little bit easier for me. this book explained so many different aspects of trauma and how it affects us. it helped me to become aware of these things in myself. learning these things helped me to start to understand that i was safe and no longer going through the trauma, even though the trauma reactions still hadn't left me. that made them lessen over time and helped me start to heal.

one of the things i learned in my trauma certifications that i also did with my clients was also in the book. it was about getting the trauma experience out. it doesn't have to be broadcast to the world or anything, but you need to do some sort of narrative of the whole experience...whether you write a story, poem, blog, do a painting, something musical...whatever way of expression you feel connected to so that you can get the story out. the trauma stays in our head and continues to be re-experienced and it gets processed very differently when it's brought out. it can help us to begin healing by seeing that we are not actually re-experiencing that trauma. i know you intellectually know that you are not going through that same experience, but our bodies and our minds continue to respond as though we are in the trauma scenario because it's adaptive for us to stay prepared for dealing with that trauma experience (the book says it a lot better than i am right now). so, we have to work to re-learn no longer being in a trauma and re-learn what life without responding to a trauma stimulus is like.

have you looked into a support group for survivors of cancer?? maybe (in)formally getting involved with something like that or finding a supportive site similar to this one where you can share your experiences with others and hear about theirs would help you out a little bit too. it could help to normalize how you've been feeling, which would again take it out of your head and help you to start re-processing your current life devoid of the trauma.

what was the accident that you recently saw?? i am wondering if being a witness to that, which can leave us feeling kind of helpless, triggered some feelings of helplessness that you may have had when you were a child dealing with cancer. the situations may not be anything alike but the feelings you may have had could be similar enough to bring back the trauma state for you. if you want, you can PM me with any questions or if you just want to get some things out.

it's hard to feel safe and okay after we've faced something traumatic. but if you can use any supports that you have, even if you're creating them yourself, it can be an easier process. and you learn about yourself and grow afterwards. i'm happy to help you in any way that i can. i'm sure your local library has the book but amazon also sells it if they don't. another good resource i want to mention is any work by Bezel Van der Kolk, he's another leading trauma theorist. you may not like his works because they are generalized to trauma not necessarily medical traumas and because there may be too much mental health jargon but i thought it was helpful (but being in mental health, the clinical stuff made it even better for me) and i would, again, be happy to help you with it if you want me to.

take care.