Postpartum Depression

Pippa62 · 07-13-2005, 09:45 PM

Hey there everyone. I was diagnosed with PCOS as a teenager, so I would say I've known I've had it for about 15 years. I've never been on anti-depressants before but I was just diagnosed today with postpartum depression. I always thought that depression first and foremost meant you were sad all the time, or down. After speaking with my Dr. today I've come to realize that with postpartum depression you don't have to feel down in order to be depressed. Mine is manifesting itself as incredible irriation for no reason, and on a bad day, bordering on anger. Unfortunately its also mostly being directed at my 3 yr. old. I didn't think it was anything except the normal stresses of a new baby, a 3 yr. old who was practically glued to my hip and the adjustments involved for everyone with those things until I got mad at my daughter for something she did and I heard her say "my mommy doesn't love me anymore"...it made me realize that I had been getting mad at her for every little thing and it was completely uncontrollable. Everything she did was getting on my nerves and I even felt completely disconnected from her. It scared me, and so I went and saw my Dr. I have a prescription for an anti-depressant but I won't know the full effects of it for a few days. I just wanted to write this post to let people know that you don't always have to feel sad in order to be depressed. If you think there is something wrong, follow your instincts and see your Dr. I was afraid to go because I thought my Dr. would think I was a bad mother and I felt ashamed and guilty. As soon as I started describing the way I was feeling, she said I had postpartum depression and wrote me the prescription. There is help out there, you just have to reach out and ask.

KlassicalKat · 07-13-2005, 09:52 PM

I am so very, very glad that you overcame your feelings of guilt and sought help! As one who suffered from PPD, I know that the feelings can range anywhere from being slightly overwhelmed to sad, or as in my case, to suicidal. It can affect women in many different ways. The key is to be aware when something seems a little more than "off kilter", as in the case of what your daughter said. I know that must have been heartbreaking to hear, but it was a catalyst for you to seek help and I am so proud that you did.

Please keep us updated. I wish I had had a doctor who could have recognized this and helped with meds, but 20 years ago many of us just suffered in silence and shame.

I am proud of you for being brave and seeking help! I just know you can overcome this.

Wishing you much better days!

Kathryn

JeannieNB · 07-13-2005, 10:02 PM

I'm glad you talked to your doctor! Be proud of yourself, that takes a lot of guts. I was diagnosed when my son was around 2 months old. I suffered for 2 months for no reason other than I didn't want to admit that this supposedly happiest time in my life wasn't exactly that, and that I needed help. I would cry at night when he would wake up. During the day, I was anxious and nervous and every little thing overwhelmed me. I didn't want to leave the house. I didn't have suicidal thoughts. I'm sure if I hadn't seeked help it would have led to that though. Ask for help if you have family available until the meds kick in. I felt sooooooo much better within 2 weeks.

heather090702 · 07-13-2005, 11:43 PM

Gret advice and great job in seeking help. PPD is a big issue and I commend you for speaking out about it.

Good luck with the anti-depressants, and we are here whenever you need to vent or need some support! Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Heather

Pippa62 · 07-14-2005, 12:21 AM

Thanks everyone.

I felt it was important to post about it because there are so many other people who think, like I did, that you needed to feel SAD. I don't feel sad at all, however I have been weepy for no reason. Its such a strange combination of feelings and so complex and you don't know how to feel. Unfortunately I have no family where I live to help me, but I have only had one pill and I already don't feel as hostile. However, I do feel 'fogged in' in the head and lightheaded. I don't know if these things will go away, but I hope so. Right now I'm taking Effexor XR and I go back to the Dr. in two weeks. The person I'm proudest of is my husband. He is so supportive and didn't make me feel less than what I am because of the way I felt. He encouraged me to go to the Dr. and I'm glad he did. He recognized that I wasn't myself. Normally I have more patience than anybody and since my baby's birth I've been, well lets be honest here, a royal pain in the butt (and I'm being kind, thats not the word I was thinking of). I'm really really lucky to have him in my life and I hope everyone has someone in their lives as wonderful as him.

Shellody310 · 07-15-2005, 03:35 AM

I'm glad I found this thread. My daughter was born in December 2002, and I have struggled with depression since. She was premature, so I kind of went into panic mode for the first 6 months of her life, but it was like when everything finally slowed down that I got completely overwhelmed. I went to counseling, and did fine for a while. Then, when I watched that Oprah the other day, it was like all of those wounds were re-opened. I can identify with those women too much....

I don't want to talk to my husband, although I am sure he would be supportive....frustrated, but supportive. Last time, I felt better by about the 2nd counseling session, and I don't want to waste anyone's time. I am really beginning to think I need meds though. I feel so ashamed and embarassed; I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway.

I don't feel sad as much as I feel scared...I am so scared of everything, and so tired of feeling scared. I also feel completely inadequate. The weird thing is that I do pretty well throughout the day, but at night my anxiety levels just go crazy. I make myself feel sick.....I'm lucky to have the best best friend in the world. I am going to talk to her this weekend, but until then I guess I will just keep on keeping on.

heather090702 · 07-15-2005, 12:52 PM

((((Hugs))))) to you Shellody. I'm glad you found this thread too. It really is a problem that needs to be discussed and more information needs to be readily available. We're here whenever you need anything!

Heather

Pippa62 · 07-15-2005, 01:51 PM

*hugs* Shellody, I know how you feel. Both my daughters have milk allergy and I struggled with my first so much. Looking back on it, I probably had postpartum depression with her too, but I was just too busy dealing with her daily to realize it. For awhile all I could do was sleep. I just thought I was tired, but I think it was more than that. What you're describing is one of the many ways that postpartum depression manifests itself. I've since come to learn that everyone reacts differently to it. I don't feel sad or overwhelmed, but I have been practically zapping people with irritability just by looking at them and I had no idea I was even doing it. You need to talk to your Dr. if you feel this is out of control and BE HONEST with your doctor about everything you've been feeling. They can't give you the best help possible if they really don't know whats going on. I've only been on meds for three days and I am beginning to feel like myself again, which is a total relief. Meds I'm sure aren't for everyone, but since this has been going on so long for you, I suspect they may very well help you. Even if its not the option that you and your Dr. choose, making that call to the Dr. is the first stepto sorting this out and making yourself feel better. Hope you feel better soon and don't forget, everyone on this board is here to help each other.

MommyOAnna · 07-15-2005, 09:27 PM

{{{Hugs}}} Just remember it isn't you, it is the hormones......thank goodness people know about PPD now.....next step is PCOS awareness!!

Zebra · 07-15-2005, 10:07 PM

Pippa, I am so glad you posted this. The same day I posted a similar thread on teh mommies board. It takes so much to fight your way through enough haze to get far enough to admit to this and to tell others about it.
I am proud of ou for being able ot make that step. I am hoping you are finding all the help you need!

One big (((HUG))) from the same boat.

Zebra

Pippa62 · 07-16-2005, 01:07 AM

Aww, thanks Zebra.

I really didn't think there was anything wrong with me, and it took a lot to seperate the confusion from what was reality. The confused part was that I was afraid someone (i.e. my Dr.) would think I was a bad mother and that I would be judged. In reality, she was more than happy to help me, even calling the public health nurse to check up on me and make sure I was ok because she knew my husband was out of town until next week. I have to admit, I would have been worried too if I was her because I practically had a meltdown of tears in her office for no reason. Luckily for me, the Effexor XR is working and I don't feel nearly as irritated or hostile, although my 3 yr. old just keeps on trying. LOL What is it about that age anyway? LOL I am just so lucky that all of you have been so receptive to my post. I felt it was important to bring awareness about not being sad and still being depressed in case someone else felt the same way. If it wasn't for chatting with a friend of mine who went through the same thing last year and who told me she knew exactly how I felt, that I had no reason to feel ashamed and guilty, and that I really needed to see my Dr. about it, I never would have gone to the Dr. at all. Both myself and my 3 yr. old would have suffered. As it is, it was take a little while to repair our relationship since I spent the last three months being mad and irritated all the time. I just hope other people reading this thread feel like they are not alone and are inspired to seek treatment for the chemical imbalances in your body caused by pregnancy. If you feel out of control at all, in any way, go see your Dr.

KlassicalKat · 07-16-2005, 08:02 PM

Wow, Pippa! You sound like you are doing so much better already, although calling the nurse, etc. can't hurt. You sound like a very sweet and concerned mother. I am sure that you will smooth things over with your daughter. Kids are so forgiving and bounce back quicker than we think. I am sure that your daughter loves you and knows that you love her. Plus, you are right in that 3 yr. olds can be a challenge, anyway. I always stand in awe at women who have more than one child, as I don't know what that's like. After my PPD and lack of support, I was afraid to have another. It sounds to me like you truly care and you are doing a fine job!

Kathryn

shellsalynne · 07-22-2005, 04:46 PM

hi pippa, I was so much like you. incredible patient, then finding myself incredibly snappy. not so much sad, but anxious. I felt likeI wanted to jump out of my body and run away. It was more of an anxiety than what I thought of as depression. I am so very glad that you are getting on meds. I felt better the day after starting them, and just kept feeling better and better every day! You will get through this OK *big hugs*