"I would be amiss if I didn't mention a very vital part of my success...my husband. While I did this for *me*, there was not one minute in the time I was overweight, where he made me feel anything less than beloved and sexy. He was my number one advocate and truly loved me no matter what my body looked like. That incredible un-conditional love is what I wish every person on earth could have..."
This is from another thread from a very lucky lady.
I have never had a serious boyfriend ( I've been out with two guys for about 6 weeks, each, broke up because they weren't Christian...) and haven't dated all that much. I have, in the last couple of years. thought I might just be ready to get married but have been hung up on the idea that I should have had a string of boyfriends, first, a certain number in my history to make me feel normal, and they have not been forthcoming. (I'm Christian and so it's not about sex, that will wait til I am married). My family wouldn't let me date and I went on my first date age 24 when i left home.
I would love it if you guys prayed that I met someone and got married and that also I get past my terrible fear that there is something very wrong with me and that is why I don't have boyfriends. I have that "fear of rejection" thing that is so common. The last couple of years, my chronic singleness has left me feeling really bad about myself.
The wierd thing is that I am considered very pretty and I'm successful in my job. I used to be unfailingly charming and delightful (but, actually, I've given up pretending I am those things so much and sometimes am not at all tactful, anymore, made worse by the fact that I have been feeling crap about myself around this issue which has made me a bit more defensive and spikey, the last couple of years). So, I have a fear that I am just a "loser" and even being pretty and bright can't save me!
I posted this to you guys because most of you are women and understand thses things. And, lots of you are Christians and sometimes these things get mixed up with that...
Thanks so much for sharing honestly in your post. My heart goes out to you because I understand some of what you are going through.
PLEASE don't feel rejected or repulsive or anything remotely like that because you don't have a string of boyfriends to list! You may feel like you've missed out on something, but the only thing you have missed out on is a string of broken hearts!! You are SO blessed!
If it's God's plan for you to get married, then He has the perfect guy for you in mind, a man who is so perfectly created to wed you (and you to wed him) and God is saving him for you. Start praying that he won't have a string of girlfriends either. How absolutely wonderful to know that, for each of you, you will be the first "steady". You've saved your body for The One; how amazing that you will have saved your heart for him, too. It's not something to be sad about, but to be excited about.
However, I completely understand how you feel. Women were created to be married and raise a family, so at times when we're not doing that, we feel forlorn and alone. Not to mention pressured by family and friends. But do know that, if you are single now, that's right where God wants you to be. He'll bring Mr Right into your life at the right time for you. So enjoy *now* and cherish it, trusting God for His plans for you.
Bless you heaps!
BTW, I am a 23-year-old happily dateless gal, so I do know where you are coming from. I, too, am saving my body and my heart for the one true love that God has prepared for me.
Feel free to email me or PM me. I have some great articles that might really encourage you.
Appollo~
I too am longing for a good CHristian man, a friend of mine, also single, forwarded this great devotional to me (its long but worth the read). I need CONSTANT reminders that it is in GOD's time, not mine! How many times does God need to teach me the same lesson? I'll get it one day I hope!
Many blessings!
A seventy-year-old man walks down the aisle to receive his college degree. A fifty-five-year-old woman marries for the first time. A forty-year-old former housewife settles into a career. Even though it seems as though our lives follow similar patterns, everyone operates on a different schedule.
Have you ever known someone who reached a milestone in life at a non-traditional age? Did you wonder what took so long or assume something must have been wrong with him or her?
Too often, we get caught up in traditions that tell us when certain things should be accomplished. Society says we should graduate, start a career, get married, buy a house, have a child, and retire—in that order, and each at a certain age. In following guidelines that our culture sets before us, we tend to rush into life-changing decisions without considering what God wants for us.
Have you ever wondered why so many people are unhappy with their careers, why divorce is so rampant, or why people are often completely unprepared to raise a family?
When we shortcut God's timing and attempt to accomplish our goals within our own strength and on our own schedule, we will fail every single time. We will not live a life of contentment or experience the peace that comes from a sincere understanding of God's purpose.
To truly be in God's will, we must synchronize our clock with God's clock. We must be willing to do what He asks of us when He asks us to do it.
The life of Moses is an unmistakable example of the consequences of shortcutting God's will. Instead of waiting on God's timing, Moses acted on his own strength: he killed an Egyptian, was forced to flee from Pharaoh, and remained in relative isolation for forty years. (Exodus 2:11-15)
Moses acted on reason rather than revelation. He asked himself, "What can I do?" rather than, "What does God want me to do?" His irrational mind convinced him that he could free two million Hebrews by killing one Egyptian. He failed to see God's big picture.
Later, when he followed God's schedule, he was able to confront Pharaoh's army and liberate an entire nation of people. Through Moses, God performed the supernatural: He parted the Red Sea, defeated an entire army, and freed the Hebrews.
So how can we apply the knowledge of Moses' life to our own modern existence? First, we must realize what causes us to get ahead of God:
Impatience - We aren't willing to wait on God's direction.
Doubt - We question whether we heard God correctly.
Pride - We think we can do it on our own or better than God can.
Selfishness - We expect God to conform to our will.
Rationalization - If our actions fit "what everyone else is doing," we believe they are justified.
Distorted view of God - We fail to realize that He knows all the answers to our questions, even before we ask them.
Next, we must understand the consequences of following our own desires and shortcutting God's will:
Disappointment - Moses experienced the frustration that came from acting on His own strength rather than waiting on God.
Disharmony - Conflict and discord will inevitably come from acting on our strength. For true peace, we must be in communication with Him.
Denial of God's best - Was God's will accomplished through Moses? Yes. Did Moses experience God's best? No. Moses spent forty years as a fugitive because of his actions. Yet God used Moses regardless, and, ultimately, molded the situation in accordance to His will.
Spiritual defeat - When we live outside of God's will, we will constantly experience defeat. Without God, we are relying on our own flesh; and, as Christ says, "the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). We cannot win without the Lord.
Finally, we must realize that God will always fulfill His promise to "cause all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28, emphasis added). When God gives us a promise, we must have:
Faith - Faith believes the promise. We sincerely believe God will do what He says.
Hope - Hope anticipates the promise. We anticipate and look forward to God acting on His vow.
Patience - Patience quietly waits on the promise. Even as time passes—in Moses' case, it was forty years—we must patiently wait on God and realize He never forgets a promise. He will not overlook you, and He has an appointed time to act on your needs.
You may think God has passed you by, or that your life is a waste. But, if you are a believer and are open to God's call, that could not be further from the truth.
Moses was 80-years-old when God called him into service. Even though he lived for 120 years, he did not experience the true power of living in God's will until the final one-third of his life.
Think about that. One of the most recognizable figures in the Bible—an average man whom God utilized in a manner never seen before or since—did not discover God's will until two-thirds of his life had passed! And look at what God was able to accomplish in that final period of Moses' life!
Does this mean that we should remain idle and apathetic to God until the twilight of our lives? Of course not. But Moses' life is a clear example of how God can use us anytime and anywhere, despite what we may have done in the past and regardless of our circumstances. God can take the most difficult, painful, or sinful situation and mold it, prune it, and completely reverse it for His ultimate purpose.
Perhaps you're mired in an adverse situation or struggling with conforming to society's standardized, inflexible timeline. If so, the only way you will ever experience true peace is through surrendering your will to God's timing.
When we're on God's clock, we'll never be late.
__________________ Lori (36) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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* * * * * * * * * * Meds: Metformin 1000mg and Celexa 20mg
* * * * * * * * * * "My grace is sufficient for you." 2 Corinthians 12:9a
Appollonia - I know we have talked in the past before, in other posts. In other words, you will know that I am not being mean to you or anything. But let me say this! You need to know your worth! There is a Nicole C. Mullen song about this called "Baby Girl." You are truly priceless. And first you have to focus on your relationship with Jesus. Right now He IS YOUR "HUSBAND." And He will always be there for you. He wants you to be positive and happy and faithful to Him. So, first you have to focus on Him. You are the only one who can make you happy. Unless you accept yourself as the wonderful person that you are and that I know you to be - until you learn this lesson - you will have to wait for that special man. A wise woman builds her house but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Be that wise woman and build your house of love to God and know your worth!
I am sorry that you have felt down about being single, trust me, I have been there before. I did not get married until I was 30.
So I will tell you what my Mama told me, "God has somebody very special picked out for you, you just have to wait." And that waiting is the hardest part. But trust me, it truly is worth the wait when it happens.
My husband and I were not Christians when we met or when me married, but because of a stupid life altering decision that I made (suicide attempt), my husband made the decision that from that day forward we would serve the Lord. And that has been three years ago now.
I don't know why I am telling you all this. I will tell you that I am praying for you and ButterflyGal that God will send you a special man into your life. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Thanks, guys. I am so encouraged by your support!
Thanks, LAural for your positive affirmation. BTW I'm over thirty with no man in sight...! But, thanks, so much for your warmth and positivity.
Thanks so much oohmercyme for the reminder to keep trusting God. You know, it's interesting because I also think that we are far too formulaic in our approach to life...
My main issue isn't why am I not married but what is so wrong with me that I don't meet men that I am attracted to? Why when I do are they always engaged or married? Like, is there something about me I am just not seeing that makes me undesirable... or, hey, I know I have undesirable qualitites but is that all people see, what about my good qualities... it's that pschological tormant of trying to figure out what you are doing wrong and worrying that you're a loser. I think Butterflygirl hit the nail on the head of the psychology of chronic singleness and she reminded me it may be a blessing in disguise.. But, I wish I knew whether it was actually me or not and if it is, why hasn't God helped me....
I wouldn't mind too much if I didn't get married but I hate it that I may be repulsive to men or objectionable or undesirable... or something is so terribly wrog with me that my good qualities can't make up for it...
And it's silly because thre are people starving in the world and dying and I'm worried about whether boys like me.... but, that's human nature...!
Hi there,
I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse....but I have no man in sight either, and I will be 42 this year....I'm sorry but I am definately at the end of my patience with God's timing, or my own writing of my life before I came down here, however you want to look at it. I love myself, but after all this time, I feel that I deserve someone to love, and love me back....As you said earlier, why can other people have so many relationships...and others just sit on the sidelines watching life pass them by. Sorry, but this has been a low day for me, I really want this year to be different, but so far, no ones around....HOpe you have better luck than I.
Jenny
__________________ Jenny
currently on 1500 mg MET
Camila Mini Pill
Lost 25 pounds since 8-02
diagnosed 7-02
Mom to 2 furry kitties.
Jenny, i feel so much for you, anger at God, sympathy for you, confusion, that feeling that God is so far away....
I will pray for you.
It's all very well for married people to tell us that some of us were meant to be single....
I'll pray that we see and feel and know God is there in our lives.
pray for a man for me! 
