 Prayer request for ttc cyster
It is around 5am in the morning, I cant sleep because AF just arrived after being about 3 days late. I was so sure I was finally pg. This was our 2nd clomid round and my periods have been pretty regular. But low and behold she showed up. I am devestated. Normally it does not bother me. I am a very stong person. All though I do think about not being able to get pg practically 24/7, I do not get emotional about it. But this time is different. Laying in bed tonight in excrutiating pain from af, I cant help but wonder why God puts me through this pain every single month for nothing. And in the back of my mind, I cant help but wonder if I will go through this every month for the rest of my life for nothing. Now dont get me wrong, I am a christian, and I am not blaming God for our inability to concieve. I am sure that he has a perfect plan for us. I try to stay positive and upbeat and determined to beat this, but there are some days that I am weak and I let the devil get the best of my thoughts. Yes I realize that the devil puts these thoughts here. It is just that sometimes I cant find the energy to fight him. Am I alone in these feelings? Please dont scold me for being so weak and wollowing in my self pitty this month. I am just so worn out from so many ttc dissapointments. You know other than not being able to concieve, I could not ask for a better life. I mean we have problems like everyone else and we certainly are not rich money wise. But I am happier in our life and the direction it is on, than I have been in years. Maybe thats it, maybe we cant have our cake and eat it too. And I have to tell you. I have been through so many deaths in my family. All of my grandparents are gone on, I lost my sister at 28 years old to domestic violence, just one morning she was gone, then my father to lung cancer, I watched him slowly die for 18 months because he worked his life in a cola mines to provide for his family, on top of all that my husband went to work one night to find the plant he works in had an explosion that had killed 3 people, 1 man that had trained my husband, it put over 500 workers off for over a year including dh. We went from $1000 a week to $200 a month in unemployment, there were days we actually wondered where we would get money for food because we could never qualify for govermental help becuase dh had made too much money that year, so he became a truck driver and when he first started he had to be gone for 6 weeks, home 1 week and out 6 more for training. We bounced back from all of it, and dh is back to his same ol job at that plant. None if it compares to the pain of ttc. It is truely the hardest thing I have ever been through. My grandparents deaths were not that hard because through most of them I was too young to really understand, except my paternal gramps, he died in march, but he was 96 years old and had a wonderful life. My sisters death was the hardest becuase it was so brutal and unexpected. My fathers was hard, he was our family rock and my hero, but we had time to deal, we knew it was coming and after he suffered at the end it was a sort of relief to know he was out of pain. I dont know why I went into all that, I just had to get this all off my chest. Please tell me I am not a coward for feeling so week and hurt right now. But most of all please pray for God to send some strenght, understanding and peace. Thanks for listening and I am sorry for going into so much family history. God Bless everyone!
Melissa
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Melissa & Josh 8/16/1997
2 fur babies Sami (12) German Sheppard, & Hanna (5) St. Bernard.
5 Rounds of Clomid in 2003 O'd but no PG
Vitex 800 MG 1 X Daily
Baby Aspirin 1 x Daily
MultiVitamin 1 x Daily
Weightloss: 25 lbs and counting
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[CENTER]"The reason why many fail in battle is because they wait until the hour of battle. The reason why others succeed is because they have gained their victory on their knees long before the battle came."[/center] | 
