We have already met our future children. They are coming for a weekend visit tomorrow. I have three older step children (13, 16 and 17) and the two youngest are girls. They are so excited about our pending adoption it is not even funny. Last night the youngest said she has been counting down until tomorrow. Tomorrow is our regularly scheduled visit with them as well.
Here is my question...
Our caseworker is dead set AGAINST my step children meeting the new children this weekend. The ages of our soon to be adopted kids are 1, 2 and 5. She thinks this should be a time to focus souly on the "new" kids and not have the older three competing for attention. First of all I would agree if they were the type that competed for attention. We had a placement before and let me tell you those kids were awesome with that little girl and she loved them. My other thing is how do we tell them they can't come over because the "new" kids are coming. I just think that is bad and my dh is really against it. I cannot say enough good things about my step kids plus they are an enormous help.
So today the kids caseworker calls me to iron some things out about tomorrow and she brings up the fact she thinks my step children should be there for the entire visit. She talked about how positive it could be for the new kids and it may help the oldest feel alittle more at ease. Plus it is not like they would not be giving her and her siblings tons of attention. THey are also good at redirecting little ones when they get into mischief. So I told my caseworker what teh kids caseworker said and she is still against it.
If my step children lived with us all the time would she expect us to haul them off for the weekend???
I would listen to the kids' caseworker. She knows the kids and she is paid to advocate for them. If she thought it wasn't a good idea for your stepchildren to meet them, she would've told you so. I think it is so wonderful that your stepchildren are so loving and attentive!
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I would also listen to the kid's caseworker and have your step children there for the visit.
From our experience with foster placements, I found that our son can get the kids to laugh and smile first (make him very proud to do so). I think having your step children involved (since they sound like great kids) is a wonderful idea and will help transition/entertain the new kids. This will actually give the new kids MORE love and attention, not only from you but also their new siblings.
Also, it wouldn't be fair to cut your step children out, since they sound like they are really looking forward to the visit and they are a part of your family too.
Can the two caseworkers get together and share their pros/cons and come to an agreement?
Susan- Thanks!! I am glad to know that my dh and I are not alone in our feelings about this. The kids caseworker said exactly what you did!
Our caseworker is actually off today. It is not a matter of them not letting us have the older kids there...they just strongly suggest that they aren't. I also agree with you that having the three older kids there would just give the younger kids more attention and help break the ice.
I think your step children should be there. They're part of your family too. I would listen the the childrens SW rather than your SW b/c she knows these children, sounds like your SW doesn't so she really doesn't know how they would react.
Have a wonderful weekend w/ your new children!
Traci
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The visit was hectic etc, etc. To make a very long story short when we dropped them off we looked at each other and confessed we did not feel a real connection to the kids.
What do we do? Does this sometimes happen in pre placement visits??? I feel absolutely horrible. The oldest girl kept wanting to call us mommy and daddy and even that felt so unnatural. Our caseworkers want us to meet with them one afternoon this week to discuss it all. I wonder if they think we are idiots???
Pre Placement visit-? About Step Children 
I vote to include. 
