Pregnant but DH leaving!

kw0602 · 04-03-2005, 07:58 AM

My DH and I have been married for 5 years. During that time I have never seen him drink alcohol, actually he enjoyed talking abut the Lord, listening to gospel music, and going to church. DH has 2 children form a previous marriage and I have told him that our lives together would be easier if his kids did not exist since they are the 95% of the issues that we argue about. He told me that I treat our baby better than I treat his kids. So he began to drink and stay out all night long. When this behavior started I told him that he could drink or come home and not drink. He chose to leave.
He has been gone for 5 weeks and insists that he does not want to divorce me, but refuses to even talk to me about important issues, like our daughter and his plans for us. He refuses to continue with couseling (we had been to two sessions). I want to ask you to pray for our situation. I need my husband at home as I am 33 weeks pregnant now.

Stacie M · 04-03-2005, 01:12 PM

I am sorry you are going thru such a rough time. I think maybe you should ask him if he would be willing to seek counseling, as it sounds as if you both need it. He is probably very hurt about the comments you made about his children from the previous marriage, and you are obviously very hurt by his recent drinking. Maybe there is a church counseling type thing in your area or at your church that you could start attending?

Good luck!
Stacie

HISIRISHGEM · 04-03-2005, 05:44 PM

KW.

Ok, so theres obviousely some REAL communication barriers which you need to give to the Lord. If you want your husband back and you want him to discuss important issues with him. You must be open to HIS feelings as well. I understand that you are both married and have a baby...family of your own. But as a man who loves God, he's lost and is obviousely in pain. And rightfully so. Those comments you made about his exhisting children are hurtful. Maybe not intentionally so, but as men who love the Lord. Their duty is to take care of their family. Which also mean their children. By lashing out in anger, your stealing away his responsibility as a man. Now, on your behalf....you both need to know something. YOU BOTH are loved by JESUS! Thats number one. And before you get the feelings of guilt or feel that i am bashing you without knowing your full circumstances. You need to know that as a sister of christ. I love you and want to see your marriage work! Especially since you have a baby on the way, and I'm sure under all these circumstances are under total stress right now. While his children are important...and that means ALL of his children. You marriage between each other come before the children, God comes ultimately first. So lets start from there...you want reconciliation, communication, and strength in your marriage. By doing so you'll need prayer....definately the Christian counseling by someone who understands your faith as well as can mediate between you both. If he feels he can't communicate his needs with you, he'll feel hopeless, which is probably why he's going to alcohol. I'm sure you have some deep unresolved issues too. So lets do this. Lets pray for your own heart concerning why your angry with HIS children from a previous marriage. Ask God to help you, tell him whats so frustrating, and why your mad. Ask him to help you reconcile your marriage. Ask for EVERYTHING. Then, as a wife, we need to listen to our husbands. No, they many not always be right.....but if your anything like me, I can be aggressive and take over the conversation...and Doug (my husband) will be passive...meaning holding everything in, and thus causing him to be afraid to approach me with certain things, for fear of walking on eggshells.

I hope that helps a little bit. I'm not bashing you at all, I don't think your a bad person or wife nor does God! I think we all have communication barriers that are present in the differences between how men think and how women think. You are so loved by God, and I know he seems far away...but he's there.....you have a covenant with each other through Him and He will see you both through. He loves your DH just as much as He loves you.

Heavenly Father, I pray today for this couple. FAther, we all go through rough times with our DH's sometimes just because of the unique differences between men and women. Father, you know their pains, their weaknesses, their love for one another, their financial struggles, their Hopes in you, and their hopelessness in their situation. Father, I pray for them both. I lift them up in prayer and pray that you would bind this couples hands together. That they would remember that You hand-picked them perfectly for each other. Father I come against satan trying to ruin what they have!! I pray that Your almighty power would proctect them against His ugly presence. I ask that you would protect them daily with your armour. That you would trade her DH's hopelessness and sorrow to Hope in Jesus Christ. Guide them both Lord. Give them what they need to push through this testing time. I pray that they would seek you daily Lord for You alone can help them more than I or anyone else. You will not leave them nor forsake them. Father protect their hearts. Let them not lead by emotions, but through prayer, let them set their cares upon your thrown and allow you to heal their wounds. Bless them Lord! Bless their home, their children, and their loved ones...in Jesus Mighty name I pray...AMEN.

I just wanted to add a scripture here which I hope will help you during this time.....

Philippians2:1-4
Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fullfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowlieness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Psalm 16:7:11
I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; my heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will rest in hope. For you will not leave my soul in Sheol, nor will you allow your Holy One to seek corruption. You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Sunshine&JoJoWannababy · 04-03-2005, 06:32 PM

Honestly I think what you said about his children from the previous relationship was pretty harsh. You should accept them as being a part of him and love them just the same. People fight over stupid things. Understandable. People also say things they don't mean. Which can also push away the people they love the most. I'm not saying I am perfect, but I don't think I would ever say something as harsh and "rude" as that if my DH has children from a previous relationship. I'd talk to him and see if you guys could work something out. Maybe a night out for just the two of you would help. You shouldn't blame your relationship problems on his other children. It's childish, rude, and just not right.

*pEaNuT* · 04-03-2005, 06:40 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this!! ((((HUGS)))) I am gonna keep you and your family in my prayers!! You lil girl is so cute!! You are very lucky!!!

HISIRISHGEM · 04-03-2005, 11:15 PM

Lets try and say things in love here. NOBODY is perfect!! We all make mistakes, and unless you hear and have been in her shoes, you don't really know what you would have said! It wasn't right, but we have no idea what he has said, nor what is going on fully. As Sisters in Christ we must be there for our sister, pray for her, guide her in love. Not wrip her to shreds! Jesus wouldn't knock her down like that because she said something out of context. How many of us can say we haven't said something stupid. Lets try to hold her up in prayer here please!

Heres something
Galatians 6:1-2
Brothers if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each others burdens, and in this way, you will fullfill the law of Christ.

sasha299 · 04-03-2005, 11:48 PM

Hi, I am sorry for your pain but I feel you should consider continuing counseling on your own. You do sound like you have your own issues to work out and need the guidance. I would say let him work through his issues. It maybe more beneficial for you both to go to counseling seperate from each other. Remember marriage is forever.

PS. I know we all say things we do not mean but if you had children prior to him and he said that about your children would you like it and be accepting? I do understand your pain but you also have to understand his. Your feelings are not more important than his. Review and accept your part in this situation. I have found that through all my DH's and I relationship the only thing that has saved us is for me to be as accepting of him and I want him to be of me.