Profile Letter

Erin H · 01-03-2009, 02:05 AM

DH and I are working on all of our paperwork for our adoption. We are doing domestic adoption of an infant. The most difficult part of the whole process is writing our parent profile letter (birthmother letter) It is making me crazy. It just feels like I am trying to sell myself. Has anyone else gone through the same thing?

Tristasmother · 01-03-2009, 05:32 PM

Erin, have you been to some of the web sites for different adoption agencies and read some of their birth mother letters? I haven't done that in a while, but last summer when we were ready to start on the adoption route, I started reading some of them to see what was said. Good luck! Miss you!

Amberlyn · 01-04-2009, 08:49 AM

Yes!! We had to write ours in October. I procrastinated on the letter until the last possible time because it was so tough to write! Generally speaking I'm a very good writer, but this was so hard!! I had no idea who my audience would be and I felt like I was walking through a minefield. Finally I just started typing and before I knew it I had two pages. I had to whittle it down to a page, but when I was done, we were both thrilled with it.

I guess my only advice would be to just be yourself and approach it as if you were in a job interview. Be honest and don't be ashamed to sell yourself, just do it humbly. After all, you're the ultimate expert on you, and if you were the birth mother, you'd want to know all the things each couple could offer your baby!

I wish you luck!

calches · 01-04-2009, 04:18 PM

Well, we looked at other sites as well at what other AP's had written for the dbl and got good ideas of what needed to be said for ours, I broke it down into a basic letter. The 1st paragraph told the bm who we were and how we came to adoption. 2nd was about our life and how we met. 3rd/4th were view points on each other from the our perspective (I wrote about dh he wrote about me). Last paragraph was basically thanking her for reading it, and trying to be personable.

I wrote ours over a weekend and had it revised a number of times.

I know that you feel as though you have to sell yourselves. I felt that way too...but you have to be yourselves...the right bm will choose you. I promise.

If you need any help you can pm me.

Erin H · 01-05-2009, 04:40 PM

Thanks so much for your input. I just never in my dreams thought it would be so hard to write a letter! I have gone and checked out some other couple's letters and that has helped.

Can you ladies tell me a little about your adoptions? I would love to know some things that might help me along.

jeminijad · 01-05-2009, 08:33 PM

I'm a birth mother. I placed the son I had when I was barely 20 for adoption after his father announced that the Lord told him I wasn't the right woman for him. If anyone does not want to read a very candid description of why I picked who I picked, click off of my post. There are healthy, bright young women out there that make the decision that I made. I am thankful that some adoptive parents will take special needs children, but I am also cognizant of the fact that the boy I made has no strikes against him and wanted to preserve that by placing him with the right people.

I am intruding on your thread because I picked the family profile with the letter that:

A) had no typographical errors/poor usage (no bigger turnoff. They were going to be raising my child and carelessness during such an important step was unacceptable.)

B) Did not condescend to me; I'm an intelligent, articulate young woman who simply made a decision to put the boy I carried into a better environment than I could give him. I was probably overly touchy about this point, and others may be.

C) Was clearly indicative of a family that had their act together, fiscally. Whether they were actually financially well off was of course something I could not determine, but the entire reason I was placing the baby was that I couldn't pay for him to be decently dressed and schooled.

There may be birth mothers with very different priorities, but I did want to give someone a little insight into at least one woman's thought process. Best of luck to all of you seeking to adopt.

Erin H · 01-06-2009, 11:48 AM

Jessica-Thank you for your insight on the other end of things. One on the thing I am having the most trouble with is not making it sound like I am talking down in any way to the birth mother.

calches · 01-06-2009, 05:35 PM

Well, with our bm she told us that reason she picked us was b/c my dh played the guitar and she loved the fact that ds would learn how to play it as well. Also she loved the fact that we weren't showey. That we were down to earth ppl and that our house wasn't huge and that we were normal. Apparently that is how our profile read. I am glad of it. It was all true..but I couldn't get past other profiles that I had read and we weren't like any of them. They all went on vacations, were in their 30-40's and had huge homes and talked about what they did as a profession.

Each bm is different as is each adoption. That is what makes it work in my opinion. The bm has all of the choices...but if it were up to the adoption agencies there would be a pick a number and you have no idea on how long that it is oging to take it.

Amberlyn · 01-07-2009, 02:24 AM

Jessica - I know this isn't my thread, but I sure don't feel like you intruded! I know that I, for one, would LOVE the chance to just sit and talk to some birth mothers for some insights. Since I'm unable to have biological children, I could never claim to understand how they feel or where they're coming from. I appreciate reading your thoughts!

As for our adoption, not much I can say yet. We started the process in April of 2008 through a private agency (we're not open to fostering or a state adoption for the first one) and our home study and profile were finished in October. We are just waiting for a placement. We anticipate that our wait will be two to three years.

Jewels · 01-09-2009, 07:30 PM

One of the reasons our daughter's birthparents picked us were because they thought our dogs looked cute. LOL I highly recommend just describing the things that are important to you and that you enjoy doing. We also put together a website and because they were really web savvy they liked that. Hope this is helpful.

Julia