Pushing partner away, so scared!

shellys2006 · 01-22-2009, 06:02 PM

Hello

I was diagnosed a few months ago. I only found out because I came off the pill to have a break from it and then didnt have a period for 6 months. I have my follow up appointment at the hospital in a week and its all I can think about.

I am starting to push my partner away now coz I dont feel like he understands. I have always wanted a child since I was 16, I must just have that instinct in me, I am 25 this year and settled and feel the time is right.

Even more so now as I have seen so many people from heres long painful journeys to have their baby, thats even if they get pregnant. My partner is quite happy to wait. I know everyone is different and it might not take long but I feel I have to prepare myself for the worst case. Especially as I didnt have a period for 6 months till I went back on the pill.

I know I'm waffling but I feel so sad and dont have anyone to talk to as no one understands how I feel, my friends are just like it'll all be fine - how do they know?! Although I know there will be many people on here who feel the same.

I just dont know what to do. I cant help but push my partner away because I want a baby so desperately. I know I'm being selfish but I am just so scared!! xxx

PryncessBecky · 01-23-2009, 09:32 AM

So sorry you're going through this. I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately, I have this self-destructive way of thinking that someone else is thinking something. Even if they aren't.
I was VERY upset (both with my hubby and myself) recently. I felt like he just didn't understand and obviously wasn't as interested in the whole baby thing as I was and it was just horrible.
I finally just asked him about it. I was like...Do you not want a baby? Are you not ready?
He almost cried. Apparently, it was all in my head. lol. He said that while he definitely did want a baby and was very ready for it, he just kinda kept thinking it'll all happen when it's supposed to. He didn't understand anything about the PCOS and how it works and stuff and so he didn't understand that in order for it to even be possible, there were some extra steps we may have to take.
We had a long talk and in the end it came down to the fact that he just didn't really understand and that I was paranoid! lol.
Most likely if you were just recently diagnosed, he's probably going through that too. Where he doesn't really understand what's going on or what it means. He may be just like my hubby where, he DOES want a child, he just thinks it'll happen when it's supposed to.
I would definitely suggest having a long, serious talk. If nothing else, just sit him down and explain that you know you're probably being irrational, but you still just have to get this out. (That way it doesn't sound like it's his fault and he'll be more willing to just "help" you by listening. Lots of times, that can open the door to a better conversation where nobody feels like they have to get defensive.)

Good luck.

shellys2006 · 01-23-2009, 10:51 AM

I really appreciate your reply. That is exactly the same as I feel.

Have spoken to him various times and I know that he is not ready just yet. I guess I am sort of pushing him into it a bit. Which I hate to admit. I just cant help it as I know it might be such a long process.

I have tried explaining to him what is involved but I dont think he really appreciates just how long it could take.

I guess I am just going to have to try not to mention babys to him and get used to it for now.

Is so nice knowing that I am not the only one that feels this way. So pleased that you have got it all sorted with your partner and you know where you both stand. xxx

dollface1982 · 01-23-2009, 02:44 PM

I was recently diagnosed as well and I felt like I would push my partner away if I continued to be angry with him all the time. My hormones have me raging at him and I don't mean it. I want a baby but I can't have one by myself. If you push him away then how will you become pregnant. If he's a good man and willing to stick by your side, don't shove him off. I found myself heading down that road until I started feeling myself becoming lonely with the thought of not having him. We all go through this sometimes and it will get better. I know its hard for me but I must stand strong. You will do the same.

michellezearing · 01-25-2009, 12:45 AM

It's really hard to have this illness and be positive I know. But the last thing you want to do is push away someone that is trying to support you. It's hard to find supportive men/women.

nicolita3 · 01-31-2009, 04:48 PM

I know what you are going through your post looks like something I could write about my life right now. I went to the doctor two weeks ago and she gave me a choice she pretty much said that she would give me either BCP or something to help me get pregnant, I had a follow up appt. in two weeks and that i should think about it. I instanly wanted the one to help me get pregnant. My husband was completely against it, he said he still wanted to wait another year or so. I was heart broken I still am. I cried for days. It just about killed me when I had to tell the Dr. that I chose BCP. I feel that no one understands me either. The one bit of comfort I have been getting is from this website. Just know there are other people going through what you have been going through and you are not alone.

shellys2006 · 02-01-2009, 10:05 AM

Hi Nicolita3

Lots of hugs to you xxx

I know exactly how you feel, as you say, this website is such a support being able to chat about things that any 'normal' person would not understand. All my friends are just like I'm sure you'll be fine and have no problems. They just used to make me so angry so I dont even talk about it with them anymore.

Have you tried chatting with your hubby to see why he wants to wait. Me and my partner chatted/argued about it so much to the point where he has since told me that he was so close to leaving me but couldnt because he didnt want to lose me. No matter how much I tried to stop myself going on about it I just couldnt.

We have since chatted seriously about it and dont want to end up waiting for years, as potentially as you know that is what could happen. We decided that we would not actively TTC but to see what happens naturally.

Hope you are ok and if you want to chat then feel free xxx

Slow-Motion · 02-01-2009, 10:44 AM

You could started trying in get your body to work with you while you wait on him. Try a few herbal remedies and start charting. But just know that you're still not really on the TTC train. By the time he is ready , your body will be to, you will know your body and cycle quite well, and/or you two will get a little suprise along the way.

jill7755 · 02-01-2009, 11:32 AM

I was in the same boat for a while. I highly recommend to find some kind of exercise, like running or cycling that you enjoy. Being in shape and eating well can only help you in TTC. Plus running sooo helped me to get the obsessive baby thoughts out of my mind and bring me out the depression of knowing I couldnt get pregnant just yet. Another thing I would recommend is getting on Metformin. It could help regulate your periods and it can take 6 months to a year for your body to really be adjusted to the met. Also, this site helps so much, bc we all know what its like! I love that I can rant and the girls here dont just write me off and say it will be ok!