Q for those who have gone on to have successful pregnancies

GabrielsMom · 03-03-2005, 08:35 PM

Right now I am on a plan where I will take 3 cycles of Yasmin before trying again. I had a D&C yesterday, and ever since then I've actually been looking forward to three whole glorious months without being poked and prodded!! Three months of loving making for FUN. Three months of exercise and getting healthy. I used to dread having to wait so long to TTC, but strangely, I feel this weird sense of freedom. I actually started contemplating waiting until the fall to TTC again.

BUT I have to wonder if that would just be making things worse. It seems that having a successful subsequent pregnancy is really healing. I know that it will never completely take away the pain, but lately I've been seeing so many stories of women who have really been able to live again when they finally have a living child to love and raise.

Thanks for any experiences and thoughts you are willing to share. Also, anyone else struggle with this decision? What are your thoughts?

kwannabee · 03-03-2005, 08:57 PM

Adrianne...this is just my experience...but i think the best thing you can do is to take that three months and take care of you...absoultely!!! I know its hard to wait...i had to...when i got home from the hospital after losing my girls to find my twin association membership waiting for me in the mailbox...i just shut down...it took me 6wks just to be able to get off the couch and get dressed...5mo at home before i could go back to work...but one day...i just did it...and then it got easier...my biggest hurdle was putting an excercise tape in and doing a workout to get my body ready for 'if and when' i would try again...and convincing my dh to even consider the idea. and during that time i researched...started taking my vitimins...asked the questions i needed to ask, and came up with a plan. And every single day...even still...i talked to my babies and asked them to help and watch over me. I think i was physically ready to try again alot longer then i was emotionally...and now i'm glad i took that time...it was frustrating and scary...i had no idea if i was cheating myself out of valueable time...its a decision you have to make for yourself.

I guess i can say i have a successful pregnancy...the outcome is unknown...but i'm thinking positive. Trying to anyway...it does get hard at times.

Good luck to you...wishing you the best...

ReneeBeth · 03-03-2005, 10:38 PM

Yes, take time for YOU! After losing my son, I went on a healing spree. Well, I should have lost weight, but I seemed to gain after being pg. But I took care of things I kept on putting off, that I felt should be done before being a mommy again. Got my gallbladder out, got my wisdom teeth yanked, had a cyst removed. Got better understanding of my other health problems, too.
I think it's best to be in better health, and spirits, before TTC again. This little guy in me now was a shock, wasn't TTC yet, but I feel at least I made SOME improvements. I wish I would have lost weight instead of gaining it, but oh well. I say that I'll lose it when I have this baby, and am busy running around with it.

Yeah, this pregnancy is not successful, yet, but all we can do is hope for the best. This pregnancy is so different than the last one. So, I'm hoping!

I'd take the next few months to heal, and grow, and learn more about what you want, and what you can do to improve your life as much as you can.
Also make sure to talk to your little angel. I did that, a LOT...talked to him and cried to him a lot. I asked him often to just help me get through things, and take care of any future brother or sister he might have. I still think my son gave me this little one. He timed it so...well. Found out I was pg before his due date, so when his due date came I'd have something to be happy about. I'm due just after his birth day, so I'm thinking I might actually have this guy on his birthday...so I can handle the day better.

You will have another little miracle. Just try and make the next miracle's home as hospitable as you can

GabrielsMom · 03-04-2005, 07:10 PM

Thanks Kim. I appreciate hearing about your experience. I am trying to do the same thing, too. Thanks to a little pep talk from Sheri, I joined Curves. It has been GREAT for me. It's so nice to go work off the anxiety and let's just say - endorphins rock!

I'm taking my vitamins, though I think it might be a while before I can change my eating habits. That's the hardest for me.

Renee, you sound really positive about this pregnancy and that is great

Are you going to have a cerclage this time? I know it is easy for me to say, but try not to worry too much. Take all the joy you can from having this little one. I try to think about all the joy that I had when I was pregnant with Gabriel. I'm so glad I have a lot of happy memories.

ReneeBeth · 03-04-2005, 07:40 PM

Just a quickie reply...not feeling too hot.
Everyone is asking me if I'm having a cerclage. The answer: Only if my cervix shows signs of trouble. I'll be going to ob once a month, then starting at about 18 weeks once a week or every other week. I guess she says she doesn't want me to get one unless I HAVE to. Why? Because I'm SO prone to infections, getting a cerclage could cause one and cause me to lose the baby. I guess she said she'd rather see me in the hospital on meds and upside down, than having a cerclage. Hrm. I guess whatever works, I'll go with it.
I'm hoping to have a good cervix, and no problems. Well, yeah...I'm hoping for no problems with anything. People keep telling me "just hold it in until at least 28 weeks"..well...I'd rather hold it in until the due date! Ugh. Tomorrow I'll be 8 weeks. *watches snails pass the time going by*

All I can do is sit back and hope and wish. And don't have sex and keep privates clean

*Clarissa* · 03-04-2005, 11:14 PM

Well I was told after my first loss to wait for 3 months. That was not an options for me. I had to have something to occupy me. For me to move on, I had to be pregnant. I went back to my RE, who agreed that I could go ahead and try again. I lost Alex in April, in June I was pregnant again. I lost Sydney one week after finding out that I was pregnant.

But I still did not give up. I just could not move on. I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted my baby. So my re switched me from Clomid to Letrazole, and I got pregnant again in October. And now here I am. I have been pregnant with Emma over both due dates. If it wasn't for that, I don't know how I would have made it though them. I will, God willing, be pregnant thorough the anniversarys of my D&C and my m/c. I think it will make them easier too.

Basically this is a decision that you need to make for yourself. What was right for me, Renee, and Kim, may not be right for you. What was right for Renee and Kim was not right for me, and what was right for me, wasn't right for them. Follow your heart. you are the only person that knows what you need.

lovie_m · 03-05-2005, 12:28 AM

I would have to suggest that you definitely need to take those 3 months and pamper yourself.....in any way possible. I do understand how you feel though, cause I've been through it myself. When I lost Patrick at 22w, all I cared about was getting pg again, and was given the ok to TTC again at my 6w follow up, which we did start TTC. I switched docs and did 3 rounds of clomid.....nothing. THEN I realized that I needed time to heal......time to heal myself, my emotions, everything. I was a wreck. So I went back on bcp's for a while and just started trying to take things day by day, focusing on healing/getting healthy/losing weight. When we decided to TTC again we agreed to take things one day at a time then too.....not dive right in and me become obsessive over it like I was. So, I went off bcp's and 5 months later I was pg again, and gave birth to Robby. He's truely my miracle baby.

It's true that another baby will never take the place of the baby you lost, in which your case would be Gabriel......gosh I LOVE that name!!! I wanted to name Robby that. I still think about Patrick all the time. There's times when it's ok and I can be at peace, and then there's time when it's not ok and I see Robby doing something cute and I realize that I missed seeing that with Patrick.

I talked to him alot while I was healing and while I was pg with Robby.....still do. I believe he had alot to do with his little brother coming into this world. I had a rough pregnancy with Robby......spotting, cerclage, then pre-eclampsia, ect.

One thing that's kinda spooky though.......I had the EXACT SAME due date with both Patrick and Robby. That was a bit rough for me in the beginning through my 22nd week because it was like I was reliving everything from when I was pg with Patrick.

So I say just take things one day at a time. Work on taking care of YOU so you can focus on taking care of the both of you when you've got another little babe in your belly

And if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me

Take Care!

(siggy hidden out of respect to others)

SheriKCMO · 03-05-2005, 10:51 AM

If it feels right to take time off, you're doing the right thing. I would highly recommend waiting a year if it is possible at all, though it wasn't for me. I needed to be pregnant as soon as possible or I would have lost my mind completely. But the grief and pregnancy hormones were a terrible combination... I look forward to another pregnancy that isn't within that horrible first year. My aunt who lost two babies way back when her six-monthers couldn't be saved told me to wait at least six months, but I just couldn't. Everyone just has to follow their heart, like Clarissa said. Take your time, because you'll be healthier for the next time, emotionally and physically.

AvivaElona · 03-06-2005, 12:05 AM

Quote:

It seems that having a successful subsequent pregnancy is really healing. I know that it will never completely take away the pain, but lately I've been seeing so many stories of women who have really been able to live again when they finally have a living child to love and raise.

I think if that will be healing for you it will be healing whenevery you are ready for it. I know that for me it seemed really important that I be pregnant again right away. I can't take it back and do it another way to find out what would have been easier, but in some ways being pregnant again on my due date, and having Japhet be due right near Isaac's date of birth was very very hard. It also may have helped in some ways. Its really hard to know which way would have been better. In the end, I did what I did and I'm overjoyed to have a healthy son whenever he came but the experience made me think that there are probably also benefits to waiting..in the end, the best decision is to do what feels right for YOU and not worry about what you are supposed to feel.

Aviva

CelticSpirit · 03-09-2005, 09:59 PM

Let me just say this...

While having a healthy pregnancy after a loss may in some ways seem healing, it can actually be very nerve wracking.

Take the time to heal emotionally and to work on yourself. You won't regret it.

I think in some ways I jumped into my subsequent pregnancy a little too quickly. Especially when my due date was exactly a year after losing my baby.

My pregnancy turned out to be high risk. There were many scares and it was looking like I was going to be dealing with a preemie for a while. Thankfully, my pregnancy went to term and I had a healthy baby, but the stress of that pregnancy was TERRIBLE!

Just be prepared for the emtional stuff that will come up. Innocence is lost and THAT can be the hardest part of pregnancy.

I hope that I made sense...

Anyways...I'm here for anyone if you need to chat.

Big hugs!