I have a question and would welcome views. not sure if anyone can relate.
I've been with my g/f a year and a half but I don't talk to her about my pcos. or my facial hair. I find it so embarrassing i can't bear to and i still try to kid myself that people can't see it.
a couple of times she commented on my moustache and I clammed up. didn't want to talk about it. and made it unequivocally clear that i felt generally humiliated. (and upset)
anyway, yesterday for no reason whatsoever, we'd left a couple of people we'd met and she started saying that i should be rude about people more - kind of half serious..
and then said 'everyone else is rude about people. they are probably talking about your moustache right now.' I felt so gutted. and stunned. we were in the train station and when she said it, it just hit me in the stomach and made me feel so crap. and deflated.
I didn't respond but she noticed that i withdrew and went stunned and quiet.
and now i feel soooo resentful of her. was this a bloody mean thing to say or am i over reacting ? I feel like i shouldn't bother being with her. really. i just think it was so cruel. but welcome your views please. am I being totally over the top and should i let it go?
Last edited by lighthouse; 11-01-2007 at 08:51 PM.
I would have been pretty hurt too... this is your g/f. I would sit and talk with her to make her understand how hurt she made you feel. I know it's really hard for you to talk about. If you were going to be with her it's something you should share with her. I've had tons of internal issues since being a child and was made fun of for a few of them. Growing up I kept them to myself and tried to hide what I could. My wife is the first person I ever felt comfortable talking about my issues with. By being able to talk to her I've become more able to talk to others about it. Hopefuly things have calmed down and you'll be able to figure out the best thing for you. Good Luck, Nae
I think it sounds pretty inconsiderate of your girlfriend as well. I mean, it's one thing to encourage you to stand up for yourself (if you are being walked over, or taken advantage of) but that's just weird for her to encourage you to be rude!
I think you should sit down with her (or write a letter, if that's easier for you) and explain how you felt about her actions. I would also explain some PCOS basics as well. If you plan on having a future with her, it's important that she's aware of your medical issues - that way she can know how to be supportive. I know it's hard to talk about PCOS, but but giving her the knowledge, you then give her the chance to change her actions.
Good luck with everything!
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Hi i know how you feel. I have alot of excess hair and not just on my face, my wife comments all the time that i am "furry" or sometimes her hairy hobbit. which is not at all flattering for obvious reasons. Some days i just give a tight smile and say nothing but other day i get so mad, it's not like she doesn't know it bothers me!! She just doesn't see why it upsets me so much because she says it doesn't matter to her!! Like at the party we just had her and my sister started on bout my moustache and when i gave them a whithering look and walked off looked at each other in confusion! like whats the big deal?!
Point is that the don't know how it feels, and when you try to explain they just shrug. Really they will never know how self conscious i feel all the time and if i ever manage to get five minutes where i don't think about it, they bring it up.
It is the most inconsiderate thing really, and all you can do is say how much it bothers you.
Your g/f should want you to feel better about yourself right?! So that you can relax and have fun together which is not gonna happen if you are constantly worried about what hurtful comments she is going to make.
Well that is what i told my wife anyway, will have to see if she gets it and lays off....
That was pretty rude of her or anyone to say!! My family did things like that for awhile. So many people dont understand both pcos and Endometriosis and when they make comments like that, they dont understand why it hurts. Even though it is not comfy to talk to her about it... I would sit her down and let her know what it is, and what you are going through. That way she knows comments like that do affect you. I wouldnt resent her for the comment because she may not know what is going on. But I know how you feel.
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i understand you being embarrassed to tell your girlfriend -- the first time my girlfriend touched my neck and asked, do you shave here? i was so embarrassed and horrified that i felt like i was going to throw up. its so sad we carry this amount of shame with us - when it is a medical condition and nothing to be embarrassed about! anyway.. my girlfriend is so understanding. we've been together almost 6 yrs. she is the one who wanted me to get checked for PCOS after reading a college newspaper article about it. she came to me and said, 'i think you have this! i love you and i want to make sure you are healthy'. i was really embarrassed, but i was finally able to talk to her about it. so im finally getting treatment for it - after years of shame about not getting my period, rapid weight loss/gain, hair issues, etc. it is a huge relief to tell your partner -- i know you would feel better talking to her about it. however, that was very insensitive of her to say that to you!! why does she want you to be rude to people, anyway? is she comfortable treating people badly? i take rudeness to be a character flaw.. not something i would look for in a partner.... =) she may not be sensitive to your health issues if she is self-proclaimed 'rude' and is quick to hurt feelings. i am confident you will find a woman who loves you for all that you are, including superficial flaws. best wishes.
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