My DH and I try to lead by example for my DSD's. we take them to church, read the bible at home, and talk about God in our every day conversations. They know what is right and wrong, and what it means to sin against God.
Yesterday as we were cleaning up in the living room my oldest DSD, Faith, said she'd found a bracelet of mine and asked if she could go and put it up in my jewelry box. I said sure, without thinking twice. Next week, Faith is supposed to go to church camp for a week. She knows that going to camp is a privelege, and she's been doing extra chores around the house to earn spending money for camp. That's why I don't fully understand what happened next... I decided to go ahead and start putting the money Faith has been earning into a small zipper purse and put it in a secure place in her backpack she's taking to camp. When I was doing that, I reached into the inner pocket of her backpack and found one of my necklaces that had been in my jewelry box. When I continued to look through her backpack I found a total of 5 things that had been taken from the box, including my grandmother's platinum wedding band. (That was the only valuable thing, the rest of it was mostly silver or costume jewelry - probably things I would have given her or let her borrow if she'd asked.)
Her dad was there when I found the jewelry, and his immediate reaction was to send Faith to her room to do verses (we sometimes have them copy verses from the Bible related to what their wrongdoing was) and after thinking about it he told her she couldn't go to camp. He is still insisting that she shouldn't go to camp, but IMO taking something like church camp away from her won't help... I told him I thought she should be on restriction (essentially grounded) this week but should still be able to go to camp. I remember church camp being such a positive experience and I want Faith to go. He's their father, but then again I've always shared in disciplining the girls and the crime was committed against me, so IMO I should choose the punishment...
Also, for the first time I'm having to deal with an extreme disappointment in my DSD. I know that she's truly sorry (when she came out of her room she hugged me very tight, for very long, and cried and told me she'd never take anything from me again) and I don't want to deny her the experience of going to church camp. (plus, it's already paid for - and wasn't cheap!!)
I really need some advice here! I know if I put my foot down and tell DH that I want her to go to camp that he'll give. But is that what I should do?
Well from one Stepmom to another I must say that even though he is their dad, you are also a very big part of their life. If they are under you and your husband's roof then I think you both should decide the punishment. My Dh and I share the punishment process with the kids. Sometimes we don't agree so we go in another room and discuss it until we compromise.
I would definately talk to your Dh about it. I think the worse thing he could do is take church camp away from her. If anything, she needs it even more. Take away other priviledges like buying something special, or watching tv or something like that. I really hope you talk to him and that he sees your side too. Just don't discuss it in front of the kids.
Once again I hope he sees your side. Keep us posted!! Also, it sounds like you are doing a great job with your step daughters. We miss you over on the Stepmommie thread!
If it is the 7 year old I would side with you. I think it was a childish thing and she would gain a lot from church camp.
If it is the 9 year old I can see your DH's position in this. She has looked forward to something and now she is feeling the punishment in a very real way.
Our pastor said that the parents should always show a united front, so we try to discuss punishment not in the presence of DD when we can. We also have a rule that if one parent chooses a punishment, the other follows thru even if they dissagree. I hope you two come to a mutual descion. This punishment stuff can be hard to figure out!
It's my 9 yr old. We decided our 7 y/o was too young for a sleep-away camp and enrolled her in a kid's Bible day-camp for the same week that big sis will be gone.
I talked to DH about it last night and he told me that he thinks that she won't see her punishment as anything to be taken seriously if we don't send her to camp. But I really hate to take it away from her... this summer she has really been serious about reading the Bible, and making lots of friends at church, and I don't want to discourage her from that path. We had a long talk last night about why I was disappointed at not mad at her. I also had a long talk with DH - most of that stemmed from my insecurities of being a stepmom and gaining the kids' acceptance... DH thinks that my tendancy to be more lenient with them is because of that. That may have some truth to it. For right now, (since the camp is already paid for and registration is complete) Faith is NOT going to camp but she has the possibility of earning it back. She only has a week, but DH just called and said that Faith cleaned her entire room today, brought down her and her sister's laundry, did most of Kayla's (little sis) chores for her, and helped him fix lunch. He said she has been all "yes sir"s and "no sir"s and is overall being the model daughter/big sister. We'll see how long it lasts... I'm rooting for her! It sounds like DH might cave if she keeps up the good work.....
Personally I don't think church - or church camp in this case - should be taken away as a punishment. It sounds like she's trying to redeem herself - which is awesome, and perfectly acceptable.
What exactly does she need $$ for at camp - maybe taking away some or all of the $$ could be part of her punishment. (Our churches camp encourages kids NOT to bring money - there's nothing to spend it on, so they're afraid of theft).
Well I hope she keeps it up and can earn her camp trip back. Maybe this will really open her eyes to the fact that what she did is really wrong and disappointed you and your dh. I am sure this will be a BIG learning experience for her. After reading what your Dh said and what Jashobeam said, I do see why that needs to be taken away since she is looking forward to it so much(even though in the end I hope she gets to go because it will be good for her).
Sun - I know when my step kids go to camp they have to take money and I always did when I went to church camp. They have snacks they can buy (even though we always send them with plenty) and they can buy shirts etc. Sometimes they stop and eat on the way home. I wish they didn't have to take money. I don't understand why they need to sell stuff since they already get a camp shirt and we send them a ton of snacks.
Yes, they are stopping at McDonald's on the way there and back (It's nearly a 4 hour trip) and they can buy snacks/souvenirs at the camp shop. We are planning on sending her without about $25, and also packing snacks for her to take along.
ETA: We were going to send her with $25 just for snacks/McDonald's, and the rest of the money she was earning for souvenirs. I really hope she earns her trip back too... I think it will be awesome for her. The camp advisor called me today to fax me over a sheet with info on the camp, (I called her yesterday morning to ask for it, before all of this happened) and I didn't mention anything about Faith not going.
I'm with you on this one (although I'm a teacher and not a parent), and that the punishment should be something else. Sounds like she needs camp. Although your dh's position makes sense, too, because the punishment fits the sin.
Hope you work it out.
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This is funny, because I'm not a parent but I do remember taking jewelry from my mom's box without asking. I was a good kid and would never steal. I just remember somehow it made me feel closer to my mom... I guess jewelry is a very personal thing if you think about it. My point is that if she is a good kid otherwise, maybe the jewelry just makes her feel closer to you especially if the step-parent issue is involved.
Obviously she needs to know it is wrong, but talking to her about why she did it might shed some light on her unexpected behavior. Maybe when things blow over you could even find a piece of jewelry you could part with and give it to her as a special heirloom of sorts. She may just be looking for more things that connect the two of you.
God Bless & Good Luck!
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Well, Faith DID get to go to camp, in fact she gets back tomorrow... so she straightened up pretty well. Her sister has been in daycamp this week and we've been having completely different issues with her that are WAY strange for her...
On Tuesday she got in trouble at camp for telling another little girl that she couldn't be in her "club" because she wasn't as cute as her, her clothes weren't pretty, she had too many freckles, and she wasn't popular enough. (!!!!!!!) That's not my little girl! Kayla has always been the one who is friends with everybody and nice to everyone... we don't know what has gotten into her. I think it might have something to do with the fact that at school @ her mom's, she is usually in mismatched clothes, hair not brushed, old ratty shoes, etc... (even though we send new stuff home w/them!) and when she's with us she's always dressed up, hair neatly done, brand new things, etc. Maybe she isn't used to being the center of attention and doesn't know how to act... I dunno. Sigh.
Then yesterday we went to a restaraunt for her friend's b-day party and she got some gum that was stuck underneath the table, chewed it, then stuck it on my seat to get rid of it... it ended up all over my skirt and then she denied it until she was blue in the face! I could smell the gum on her breath... finally she admitted it, but only after she had looked me straight in the eye and lied. Ugh. What's worse is AFTER she chewed the gum (before I realized it) I let her share my drink while the waiter was bringing her a refill... so we both got those yucky table-gum germs
As "punishment" (and also to kill the germs in her mouth) we made her rinse her mouth out with regular flavored listerine... needless to say she hated it, lol!!
I'm glad she straightened up and got to go Sorry you are going thru tween issues already with your other girl. They sure do change quickly don't they? DD has started backtalking some and she is TWO.
Question for Christian parents... advice needed! 
then stuck it on my seat to get rid of it... it ended up all over my skirt and then she denied it until she was blue in the face! I could smell the gum on her breath... finally she admitted it, but only after she had looked me straight in the eye and lied. Ugh. What's worse is AFTER she chewed the gum (before I realized it) I let her share my drink while the waiter was bringing her a refill... so we both got those yucky table-gum germs 
