Question for those who have had three or more losses...

lots_of_dots · 10-29-2003, 03:25 AM

I was wondering, for those who have had three or more losses, how did you deal with the third? I m/c'd for the third time last Thursday. I have read so many places that my risk for future m/c's is now very high since I've had three. Is there hope for me to ever carry my own child? I feel so lost because the dr's keep treating every m/c like it's no big deal and this stuff happens. They are taking this one a little more seriously and they are doing chromosomal tests but I still don't feel like they aren't doing everything they could.

I'm sorry to sound like I'm having a panic attack but I guess I am having a little one over this. I just don't know where to go from here. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you!!

AmyKathleen · 10-29-2003, 10:21 AM

Steph
Just wanted to tell you that I responded to this on the ttc board. PM me if you ever need to.

jbds · 11-11-2003, 08:26 PM

Gosh, I don't really know how I deal with it. Sometimes I just don't want to get out of bed and other days I just feel like my old self. I did take the third one the hardest because it had been my most promising one and we had gone through a really hard time with the IVF because I overstimulated AFTER I got pregnant. I just try to focus on doing FET and not reading into too much about what the risks are after 3 mc. I'm sure that there are women who have carried to term despite 3 mc. I let myself be sad, angry or happy. I don't like to keep my emotions bottled up because then I tend to get depressed and I'd rather be happy. I put faith in what is meant to be and that I have to travel this path for a reason.

JBDS

Sarah in Louisiana · 12-04-2003, 04:54 AM

I'm on my 4th pregnancy in 2 years. Every loss seems to get harder to deal with. Especially when doctors can't come up with any conclusive reason for WHY.

Even though I'm pregnant right now, I still cry for the baby girl I lost, and the others that I never knew the sex of. I live in constant fear with this pregnancy. I don't know if there's any simple answer on how to cope with it, or how to deal. It definitely is a day-to-day process.

My husband and I are neck & neck on which one of us is the most nervous about pregnancy, and I'm sure my doctors think we are both a bunch of nutcases.

Louie · 12-18-2003, 10:59 AM

Stephanie, I just wanted you send a ((hug)) and let you know I am also in the midst of loss #3 and feeling similar. Like you, I also had twins this time and neither one made it. The RE said that when one twin dies it can effect the other and cause it to pass away too. Twins are very high risk all around, unfortunately. Though it may also have been something else, like chromosomes.

Anyhow, the odds are scary but we can do it. Even after three losses, I think you still have a 60% chance of carrying to term and probably more than that for those of us who are being treated and watched so closely. I am a big fan of baby asprin cause I took it during my 2nd pr, which was the only one that looked really healthy and hopeful most of the time. I'm not IR, but took met anyhow this time... but it didn't prevent this m/c for me. It is terribly frustrating when they cannot find any answers, I know. It's important to look at the details of each loss and try to piece together what happened.

For me, I think each loss happened for different reasons and perhaps it's all just "bad luck". I pray that the next one will be the one that makes it for both of us though obviously, it's hard to keep going for it and risking the pain. Which is why DH and I are going for adoption even as we still hope to conceive another biologically. Hopefully another loss will not hit as hard with an adopted baby at home. And we can at last get on with the joy of parenthood. Best of luck. You are in my prayers.

lots_of_dots · 12-18-2003, 08:07 PM

((((hugs Louie))))

I knew long before I passed the second twin that it was gone but it took a while to pass it. We didn't even know it was twins until I passed the first sac, my beta went down, then it started rapidly going up again but then dropped a few days later. My dr wanted to do a d&c the day after my beta dropped as he thought it might be in my tubes but I refused until he did an u/s (up until that point he had refused to do one - needless to say, I don't see that dr anymore). It was then that we found the other sac in my uterus but it was only measuring 4w6d and I was almost four weeks further along than that. The poor thing tried to hold on but didn't make it.

I am doing better than I was when I started this thread but it's still hard. I have no Christmas spirit this year at all. I put up my tree because I didn't want to remember this year as the year I didn't put it up but my heart wasn't into it. I am usually very fussy about how the tree looks. I make sure that all the ornaments are evenly spaced, etc. but this year I just put them wherever. It doesn't look bad but it's not as polished as it usually is. Oh well, it's the least of my worries this year. It's taking everything I have to keep from going to the store and buy a pack of cigarettes (I quit 6 years ago).

I went to a Christmas party over the weekend at the home of someone that used to work for my dh. I was fine in the beginning because the people with kids hadn't arrived yet but as soon as the little ones showed up, I started crying and couldn't stop. I was able to get into the bathroom before anyone (except for my dh) noticed and calmed down long enough to say good-bye but then I cried all the way home and I've cried myself to sleep almost every night since.

We are starting to think about adoption and how we can afford it. I know it will be expensive because, call me selfish, but I want a newborn. I want to be the one to take the baby home from the hospital and be able to experience everything. After that, I would consider adopting older children but I really want the first one to be a newborn.

I hope 2004 will be our year to become mommies. I will keep you in my prayers as well.