Question - what to do?

Blakesmomma · 09-15-2005, 07:44 PM

Well the pastor we have at our church is something else. She has been married 3 - 4 times. I'm not the kind of person that thinks they need to have one husband forever. In fact I am my DH's second marriage.

This pastor seemed to start out okay - except her sermons are quite lacking. She worked at a Post Office for her main job and wanted to preach and our little church doesn't have the means to get a 'new' pastor. Anyway she worked for awhile at the Post Office and has retired now.

The problems she has said very hurtful things to different people in the church. One older couple have went there for years and did live right close to the church. The lady wanted to join the choir the pastor started up but the pastor told her that she couldn't join because she couldn't read notes. This lady has sang in the church for years. She is an 'ol time Arkansas woman and sings wonderfully. Her husband was a Deacon of the church and his time was up at the end of last year. I guess the pastor told someone that she was glad "we got that old man off the Deacon board." I know they are just human too but I'm sure she said this to several people. I'm thinking if you talk like this it would be best just to your spouse or one main person(s) can trust. This same man has the beginnings of Alzheimer's. The wife told the pastor in confidence and she has told several people! come on.... Another Deacon has a wife that you just have to get use to but she has the heart of gold and would do anything for you. The pastor tells the Deacons when this Deacon is late to the meetings "let's hurry and get the meeting done and (insert name) won't be able to tell (insert wife's name)! Does she talk to God with this mouth???

My Mom has had 'discussions' with the pastor before and now she treats her awful - right in front of everyone at church meetings. My Mom will ask a question that needs to be answered or say something and she just snots right back at her.

The pastor teaches the children's class (small church - all kids) and has asked me to help out because she wants someone to be able to talk to the children if one wants to join the church. I have been helping but have very mixed feelings with the way she treats my own Mom. She also yells at this same lady mentioned above that her husband is the Deacon that shows up late - right in front of the whole church!

I have noticed and heard of different people talking nasty about the one Deacon's wife and I'm thinking it is because of the way the pastor treats her. It is kind of rubbing off on them that she isn't a good woman and this woman is.

I am the kind of person that I have lived there other pastors that I wasn't happy with but where do you draw the line? One other Deacon and his wife have joined another church. I'm sure they have witnessed some of the same things I have mentioned.

Do I talk to someone up higher about her? Do I research other churches? Do I just put up with it? I don't imagine anyone would be able to talk to this pastor. She has a bad temper.

Thanks for listening and prayers for me to decide would be appreciated.

Sorry so long!
Tori

tiggerlily5278 · 09-15-2005, 08:21 PM

I'm sorry there's so much turmoil at your church right now. You can definitely talk to the higher ups. Good luck.

Jashobeam · 09-15-2005, 08:59 PM

You should read about the standards God has set up for church leaders, especially ministers. No one is perfect, and we will never find a "perfect pastor" other than Jesus, but they need to strive for God's standards for them. If your denomination has a system of accountablity you might want to talk to someone higher up if you have already spoken to your minister.

1 Timothy 3
"1Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer,[a] he desires a noble task. 2Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) 6He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap. "

Titus
" 5The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint[a] elders in every town, as I directed you. 6An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7Since an overseer[b] is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. "

Matthew 18 tells of how to treat a fellow Christian who has sinned against you:

"15"If your brother sins against you,[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[c] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. "

ChloeM · 09-15-2005, 09:57 PM

Hello Blakesmomma and all my other cysters,
I agree with Jashobeam, very well put,rock on!!!
One other thing we have to realize is that Our thoughts are not His thoughts(Isaiah 55:8).Everything has it's season,for whatever reason,if God sent her to be the shepard of your house,He has a purpose for her.The problem is alot of Pastors start to let self slip in,and so it's not all God anymore,and where He isn't,neither is the annoiting and His blessings.If I where you,I would keep her lifted in prayer that she gets and stays in the Spirit so that the people can see God and not her.She has to give an account,matter fact an even greater account of her actions,and the sheep that God has given her for this season.Just don't lose focus as to why your there.It's for God not her.Your obedience and faithfullness is to God,not her.If she's no longer able to reach you thru her preaching,I would pray that God will send you to where you need to be.God's never going to ask us to come to the feast(His house)and not feed us...

God Bless

DiamondInTheRough · 09-15-2005, 11:51 PM

Well, I'm not a Christian, but I believe one of the worst things a person can do to another is humiliate them in public. Children and Adults alike, if you 'discipline' them infront of others, they are not going to appreciate it worth a lick. Especially in this case, it seems like the pastor is allowing her personal feelings ahead of serving her community. I wouldn't put up with it. There should be freedom of speech among a brethren, regardless of faith. I would stand up for the elderly couple, and make sure my voice was heard.

HISIRISHGEM · 09-16-2005, 07:10 PM

I am with Jash 100%. Not because they're her words (sorry jash...lol) but because I stand on TRUTH. Those words come from Truth. the word of God. It sounds like the church isn't lined up right now, that someone/s need to be held accountable. I would approach her first as the bible says, then if she starts in on you, I would find someone in the church who's been a median and ask them to go with you as the Bible says.....then I would take it to the committee if you have one...Usually thats what deacons are for...they come around and decided not only where money is spent, but they vote in and out a pastor I believe first before the congregation gets to, then the church votes on it...It think...I'll have to ask more of that on my DH....I'm new to this type of set up...He's gone to a strict baptist church and knows how his worked. Continue to pray. I would get with these others who have been condemned in the church and start to pray together if you can. Start putting on Gods armour.....because you'll need it. Satan is fighting here, but we all know who wins. I won't be adding any scripture because Jash has totally nailed it and by adding to it would be denying it the attention it deserves!!

I pray that God would give you guidance to help you during this rough time. That He will protect you and the others from harm....and that justice will come to the one that judges and condems His children. In Jesus Name I pray...AMEN

Blakesmomma · 09-16-2005, 07:49 PM

I love the addition of scriptures. I've never talked with anyone that would add that except my brother who is pretty well read. I went to church my whole life (44 yrs) and been a Christian since I was 15. I have went to the same church all my life also and feel like "I've lived through other pastors - I guess I have another."

The passage from Matthew is partly listed in our constitution.

I tried to discuss this with my MIL today and she wouldn't except that the pastor had said any of these things and would just critize what I did say. I think though she's afraid we will lose our pastor. We are a little church and can't afford the finances that a seminary pastor would want.

thanks for all the responses, love and concerns,

cyster in Christ,
Tori

HISIRISHGEM · 09-17-2005, 12:04 AM

Oh Tori, I just pray for you! I know that you must feel like your between a rock and a hard place right now. God is there with you!! By any chance did you talk with the deacons family who left. Have you had any communication with them?? Just wondering if they may have felt the same way. DH & I will pray for you. I'm so sorry that you and the others are going through this.