question for you gentlemen from a cyster... - Page 2

Kriket · 04-19-2008, 08:49 PM

woah! he sounds like a keeper! even my DH doesn't know that much! Good luck!

sallyn · 04-19-2008, 11:13 PM

maybe he did freak out...he hasn't called since, lol. i'll keep you posted, though!

even if it doesn't work out, just having had a positive experience talking about it, it will make it easier in the future to do that. but i'll keep you posted, kriket!

sallyn · 04-22-2008, 10:22 PM

okay, so that was just me freaking out (j/k, lol) but we have another date lined up for this weekend.

i really want to thank you mysters and cysters for helping me through this. i feel silly having been so anxious, but i'm really grateful and touched by everyone's willingness to support and give feedback. i think it's helped me get some real perspective back! which is awesome!

Sweetface · 05-24-2008, 11:37 PM

I had this issue too telling a man about PCOS and even though a man can casually give you advice to not care too much about it, it's not a reality. Women do care much more than men realise. It's probably not best to ask a man is what I am finding.

When I have told men of higher than normal testosterone they wink or smile like they are going to come and get me. I had one assume I wanted him because I said that and that was 2 months ago. Good Lord! I had to beat him off with a stick and I was shocked, absolutely shocked this jock was coming onto me. Really, I am chunky so it was a surprise.

I think you should discuss your symptoms because what you feel will get in the middle of something WILL get in the middle of a relationship so it's best to just address it. But be forewarned, I have learned that even if they pretend to know it all, they still don't.

sallyn · 05-27-2008, 03:26 AM

sweetface, thanks for your thoughts. i'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with this too...it's really kind of an pleasant one to struggle with. this guy i referred to ran off after that last date that i referred to in the previous post. guess he really wasn't a keeper after all or just wasn't that into me. oh well, lol. glad more time wasn't didn't go into that.

i've just started seeing another guy and i think i'm leaving it at what i've already shared with him, which is that i have an endocrine disorder and just explain in a sentence or two what the endocrine system does in general and mention a couple of other endocrine disorders just to give sort of an idea that it's a long term thing. in a context of joking i mentioned that what i have is the leading cause of infertility among women. then when he asked more follow up to that i explained that it could go either way and there isn't a way to tell if i can have kids until the time comes for that, lol. as far as talking about it more specifically so that my symptoms don't interfere, i think i'm just going to say things like i'm symptomatic today or that my condition is bothering me today or something vague to allude to pcos without talking about the wonderful goatee and backhair that i'm sporting. so much for sharing info with others to help increase awareness and educate other people about the disorder. i don't know, it really adds to the run of the mill insecurities when dating. while i'm theoretically a thin cyster, i carry my weight in my midsection, so i am uncomfortable about getting physically closer to someone because of that. so i also just mentioned that my condition caused me to put on some weight. he seems to be into my body for the most so i'm more comfortable with him about that one. i worry that i will instinctively flinch or get tense or something and the guy will take that the wrong way, but being a little bit more comfortable about it might hopefully make that less of a possibility.

i am starting to think it's one of those things where there isn't a good answer...or maybe it's one of those where the answer is the wonderful "it depends." depends on us cysters comfort level, the guy, the context of how you feel about each other, trust level, communication...i don't know, lol. i just didn't want to be judged for things i can't control because someone doesn't know and understand the nature of this condition. it's not a good feeling. and it sounds like you were/are struggling with the same sort of thing about this issue. *sigh*

PuppyLove · 05-27-2008, 12:42 PM

Hey Sall

I can truly understand your dilemma here, but I'm also overweight which adds to my insecurities grrr!!

Anyway, my experience so far is to just be honest if you can see yourself getting serious with a guy. I don't think it's necessary to share too much information too soon, know what I mean??

I'm actually meeting a man for our first date on Saturday and we've been chatting for a few months. He knows all about my PCOS and has been unbelievably supportive about it. I mentioned that I'd been a bit sick as I started a new medication for a "condition" I have (Metformin), he asked what it was and I said PCOS, he then went online a looked it up and came back with the information he'd learnt. I was very impressed by that.

I think if a guy is genuinely interested in you he won't let this put him off. Like for example, if he had diabetes, would you run a mile? No!! So have faith sweetie, and let us know how u go with this new guy

sallyn · 05-27-2008, 08:51 PM

aw, puppy love, thank you! i will keep you posted for sure. and i love your puppies! they are adorable!

PuppyLove · 05-27-2008, 11:04 PM

Hey Sall

Thank you, of course I think my babies are adorable hehe.

We have a single cysters thread if you're interested in joining us?

http://www.soulcysters.net/single-cy...rt-2-a-246653/

Take care
Lou

sexyswamprat · 05-28-2008, 01:34 AM

This is for sallyn, I felt the same way you do. When me and my husband first got together he knew something wasn't right with me. And I had no idea what actually WAS wrong with me. When I finally got up the never to tell him that something is very wrong with me he was so understanding about it. He actually looked online with me to help find out what the problem might be. We happened to stumble on a article a women wrote about unexplained symptoms she was having and was rx with pcos. My husband and I both looked at each other and with tears in my eyes we both knew that we finally had the answer we had been looking for for so long. My male hormone level is very high also, hence the facial hair and body hair. My feeling is that my husbands opinion about me is the only one that really matters. But when people make comments about me I always think about how ignorant they are. And feel sorry for them because they are simply judging me for what they see on the outside and not the inside. Pcos is a very unfemine thing to have, but you would be truley amazed how many guys are very understanding and will love you anyways. One last thing, we do live in a society that is based primarily on looks and for those people who choose not to get to know us because of the way we look they are the ones that are truely missing out and I feel very sorry for them. So hang in there girl. I believe there is a reason for eveything. But have yet to figure out the reason for pcos.

Lovin'Life · 05-28-2008, 04:23 PM

Hi! Again, i'm not a guy...but I was worried about this too before I told my now fiancee. we had been dating for a few months, and it was bothering me, so I just HAD to tell him. I had no idea what I was going to say...so I said, "I have something important to tell you." and he said, 'ok', I said, "It's really embarassing for me and I've very sensitive about it" and he said, 'ok'. of course by this time, I have tears in my eyes, and then finally said, "I grow hair on my chin", and he said, "guess what? I do too!" and we both laughed. I was so relieved. The mature, good, decent men won't think anything of it, and won't look at you or treat you any different. Even now, there are times that I know my hair on my chin is noticeable and maybe that day I just don't care who sees it, my fiancee doesn't say anything. As someone said before..just be yourself, and do it when YOU feel the time is right.

RReyes69 · 05-29-2008, 01:40 AM

Dear Sallyn,

I didn't know what PCOS was until my girlfriend explained it to me. When she listed many of her symptoms, I couldn't connect them to her. Admittedly, she does keep herself well, but without really trying, I doubt I, as a man (a somewhat ignorant one), could ever have perceived any of the problems she has. If she had never told me, I would've never known. With this said, I don't believe either of us knew until later in our relationship. Naturally, it was easy for me as someone who had been with her for several years to accept it and do my best to help her when I can. I think if you enter a relationship with a man who really cares for you, then you will know when a good time to tell them is. I would definitely not recommend informing him as an ice breaker on the first date, but once you've gotten to know each other, your boyfriend's comfort level will become fairly obvious. You'll know when the time is right.