Nakira

I have been on the TTC in the 30's thread for some time. My husband and I will "celebrate" one year of TTC in September. I am tired and worn out and I am ready to start looking at adoption. He wants to wait until May 2009, but I think that this is crazy. Anywho, I have some questions in preparing for this journey.

1. How does the process start?
2. Do I just contact and agency and tell them that I am interested in domestic adoption?
3. What is the cost?
4. Are there any REAL guarantees that the birth mother will not want her child back?
5. How much will my husband need to be involved up front? I ask becasue I am still praying that he comes around sooner.
6. How long will it take for an adoption?
7. Are black babies easier to get than white?
8. What kind of things can I expect? I heard home visits, financial info, family history, criminal reports.
9. How soon after all clear does it take to get a baby?

Sorry for the dumb questions, but searching the web was overwhelming.

Nakira

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calches

Nakira,

Wow! 2009..that seems like a long ways off....i can't imagine trying for that long with no results...although you never know...we have been "unoffically" trying for over a year...if it happens it happens...anyhow...we have gone to an orientation meeting for adopting...my dh is not sure about adoption...but I have always thought that that was what I was going to do...well...to start...you need to look into MANY agencies...do your homework....there are many different types...you can find a TON of info on the net...the cost can vary....from where we are looking at for a domestic infant adoption-$13000 to $35000...the one that we are looking at is a Christian agency here is TX that is on a sliding scale....anyhow...there are no real gaurantees that the birth mother will not back out...the agency that we are going to be using does a ton of counseling with the birth mother...so the likelihood that she will take the mother is greatly reduced....but you never know...it is her baby and she has no legal right to give up her baby...on the whole dh issue...that is what I am waiting on to...ya'll both have to be on the same wave length...sometimes...on my part atleast there is some shoving on for my dh....I need this...it feels as though I am just waiting for life to begin....he needs to want to it...you can not want it for him...I will be praying for you and your dh that you God directs you in what He wants to have you do...on the length...even though I have not gone through this...it can take a 6-18 months...average....though...the agency that we are looking at is an open adoption agency....and the bm picks the adoptive parents...there is one couple that waiting 3+ years...there criteria for a baby is just too slim...the more open you are about a baby...ie. color...race...disabilities...will open you to being matched quite sooner....

these are not dumb issues...but you need to do the education on which ever agency that you do...also as stated your dh needs to be in the same boat as you...GL! Callie

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babygirl18905

Nakira,

I have a few friends who have adopted and they say the cost of adopption varies, If you go through the county alot of times there may be no costs or very minimal costs. Also your husband does have to be on the same page as you they want to be sure both parties are satisfied with the process. Black children I have been told are a lot easier to get then are white babies and yes they do home studies to make sure you have room for a baby, and that you have enough money to support yourself as well as a child, however you do not have to be rich. Also my friends tell me they have to do a background check on anyone who will have contact with the baby. Hope this helps.

spookycyster

Hello,

None of your questions are dumb, so don't think that. Adoption can be confusing and it helps to ask every question you have.

We ttc for 4 years before we moved on to adoption. I just couldn't take anymore fertility treatments (we'd even had two failed IVF cycles) and just wanted to be someone's mama. Dh got on board with that idea and we moved forward with an adoption plan. Our agency was wonderful--the birthmothers they deal with chose the family they want their baby to go to. We did meet with our bm when our son came home. I still send updates thru the agency for her. Our adoption is a closed domestic infant adoption---she does not have our last name or address and we don't have that of her. All contact is thru the agency only. Our adoption was final when ds was 6 months old.


1. How does the process start? You contact the agency you are interested in working with.

2. Do I just contact and agency and tell them that I am interested in domestic adoption? Yes, you can contact the agency directly. If you are interested in domestic adoption, you will need to go with an agency that handles domestic adoptions.

3. What is the cost? Our domestic infant adoption was around $15k. Our agency did not require us to pay everything at once--it was broken down into different payments based on where you were in the process. We did, however, have to pay most of it in one lump sum because our adoption went very quickly, which is not typical.

4. Are there any REAL guarantees that the birth mother will not want her child back? In the state of Florida, where we are from, it is my understanding that once the parents sign their parental rights over, they can not change their mind about the placement. You would need to check on the laws in your state.

5. How much will my husband need to be involved up front? I ask becasue I am still praying that he comes around sooner. Your dh will need to be involved from the get go.

6. How long will it take for an adoption? There's no set time line for that. Sometimes, it's quick. Our wait was around 3 months for a domestic infant. That is very unusual, but it was meant to be. Sometimes you have to be prepared to wait though.

7. Are black babies easier to get than white? Our agency always had black infants available for placement.

8. What kind of things can I expect? I heard home visits, financial info, family history, criminal reports. Home visits, yes. Financial info, yes. You will need to create a life book/scrapbook for prospective birth mothers to look at--it will have your information in it, with pics and such. They will run a background check on you and your spouse.

9. How soon after all clear does it take to get a baby? Our paperwork was completed by the first of October and we started the process in August. We got the call about ds on Thanksgiving day. But each placement is unique and it just all depends. Like I said, your wait could be short like ours was or it could be long. It's hard to say. Your agency might be able to give you a better idea.

Good luck. Adoption is a wonderful, wonderful thing. The wait might be long, but sooooo worth every moment.

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ttc since 1999
^i^ 6/00, 8/00, 8/03, 1/05
multiple failed clomid & inj cycles
2 failed IVF/ICSI/AH cycles

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a mommy thru the miracle of adoption and biology
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DS 11/03
DD 3/06
Surprise baby #3 due 12/07

Jewels

Hi Nakira! I'll answer as many of your questions as I can. We recently adopted a baby girl in May and I am so glad that we quit all the ttc stuff! She is the love of my life and her not having our genetic make up means nothing to either of us.

1. How does the process start?
I think it really begins with you and your husband coming to the decision that you want to be parents and grieving the infertility. Then you need to think about whether you want to adopt via and agency, DSS, or through an attorney.

2. Do I just contact and agency and tell them that I am interested in domestic adoption?
I would recommend you contact a couple of agencies and attornies and see if they have orientations or will meet with you to explain the laws in your state and what they have to offer.

3. What is the cost?
This really depends on several things. How much birthmother living expenses you can pay, the agency or attorney fees you go with, is it an out of state adoption, you'd have to do ICPC paperwork etc. I would say the average right now is $10,000 to $25,000 but there are situations that are far less and far greater.

4. Are there any REAL guarantees that the birth mother will not want her child back?
In most states there is a grace period after the birthmom leaves the hospital before she signs the relinquishment papers. Each state is different. We're in CA and a birthmom can sign as soon as she leaves the hospital. We had an out of state adoption (Nevada) and they required 72 hours after birth. After signing the relinquishment we were told that she was ours! But... because we did an agency adoption legally the agency has legal custody until we finalize which should be December or 6 months from birth. There are no guarantees she will not change her mind and if she does all living expenses for her are just gone. It's crazy but that's the law. Living expenses are considered a gift.

5. How much will my husband need to be involved up front? I ask becasue I am still praying that he comes around sooner.
He needs to be involved from the beginning in my opinion. You can do some research about various agencies etc. but once you start meeting with them you'll want him to be a part of the process. Actually my husband became more interested when I started doing the research and then he attended a orientation with me and it really helped him to understand the process.

6. How long will it take for an adoption?
The average time our agency says their folks are waiting is a year. We went to our orientation in May 2005, did the homestudy July/August it was completed in October, we were matched with a birthparents in December and our baby was born May 31st. So... that was a year.

7. Are black babies easier to get than white?
I've "heard" people say this is the case but... if you're going to do an open adoption you still will have to be chosen by a birthmother. Although there are a few closed adoptions. We really didn't have a racial preferance so that kind of opens the possibilities up.

8. What kind of things can I expect? I heard home visits, financial info, family history, criminal reports.
Medical reports from your doctor, we had to have a TB test, we had to also write a biography, oh and submit fingerprints.

9. How soon after all clear does it take to get a baby?
Really depends to what kinds of situations your open to and fate I think.

Sorry for the dumb questions, but searching the web was overwhelming.
You didn't ask anything dumb! Good luck on your search to become a mother. The one thing our agency said that changed my life was..."There's a baby out there somewhere for everybody." I can't stress enough though how important it is to get your husband on board or to atleast find out what his concerns or thoughts are surrounding adoption. Just like it's takes both of you to ttc it will take two of you to adopt.

Blessings to you as you start this wonderful process. Let me just say also that it wasn't an easy road either but it was SO worth it!

Julia
http://www.adoptionboard.org

Nakira[/quote]

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"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children...to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...THIS IS TO HAVE SUCCEEDED" Ralph Waldo Emerson


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