JKC

Hi. My wife has never really been sick all her life (except for a bad accident) and doesn't particularly care for hospitals or doctors. She was diagnosed with PCOS last year and started treatment, but we moved and interrupted the process. Now I'm worried that she may not want to start again.

I've read a lot about PCOS here and at other sites, and I know how important it is to get treatment, if only because of all the things untreated PCOS can lead to, let alone the condition itself. But I don't know how to tell my wife all of these things without seeming negative or like I'm trying to scare her into going. The doctors she's seen have told her much of it, but she doesn't seem to have taken it to heart.

I worry about her and about our marriage. The worst problems it seems PCOS causes have so far been mostly emotional. We argue a lot, over seemingly minor things, and she takes a negative outlook on most things in general. And then sometimes everything is back to normal again for a few days.

I'm by no means perfect, and I'm an idiot sometimes. But it's hard for me to know if something's a genuine problem or a mild irritation blown up by mood swings. I don't know how to react to different situations, and feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time.

How severely PCOS effect emotions? I've read about the depression, but does it also cause feelings of paranoia?

I feel like we can't get to the heart of any of our real emotional problems until we can stop being bogged down by this. It feels like an artificial ...how to say...I don't know...like something that just makes things more difficult than they would be under normal circumstances. Like a gremlin, or something.

JKC

Hmm... I guess I should also mention that I'm not the most sterling example of medical self-awareness. I myself have a dislike of going to the doctor for the exact opposite reason of hers. I spent a lot of my youth in and out of the hospital because of asthma, and I really don't like going back now.

She worries about me as well. I guess it's different when it's not you, but the person you love.

libchick

JK

I know when I started reading up on pcos after being diagnosed, I felt completely overwhelmed; as if my life would NEVER be the same and I'd never have kids, I'd look be hairy (and scary) and my hormones would never be back to normal. It's completely normal to feel that way at first. Remember ~ bec pcos is such a holistic problem (weight gain, hormones, IR, infertility etc) you need to see all these different kinds of docs (endo, gyno, GP etc) and that can also be extremely off-putting.

Also a lot of the treatment for pcos is SELFMOTIVATED, SHE has to lose the weight, SHE has to eat better, SHE has to exercise more, SHE has to take all these meds. Believe me it's a LOT of things to take on.

But just be there for her ~ try to make her treatment better by joining her in eating healthier, maybe take nice walks/jogs together, rub her feet once in a while, never stop telling her how sexy and desirable she is.

Your wife needs to understand that pcos is not a death sentence, the better she controls her symptoms, the better she'll feel! She just needs to admit that she does have a problem that will need medical attention on a regular basis and then get on with her life! These days I'm eating better, (trying to) exercise more and I feel great!!! And that reflects in my close relationships as well. If you feel crappy, you'll treat the people in your life crappy as well.

Maybe you should refer her to this site so she can read up on all the wonderful cysters who are coping with pcos. I know that sc has been a life-saver for me.

1 last thing and then my long, confusing answer is over (lol!):

~ could your wife possible have undiagnosed depression? That would def account for the emotional fights and her feeling negative.

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Sophie

Age: 29

Married 2/12/2006
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DX: April 2002
Meds: Metformin 500mg, Androcur (same as Spiro), bc, Iron Supplements, Multi-Vits for diabetics
Related: High cholesterol; high bp and of course weighing too much
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kare2000

JKC,

Mood swings are DEFINITELY a symptom of PCOS. Before I started treatment, I had major mood swings - they were so bad that I could even tell that I was overreacting over little things (but of course, who wants to admit they are wrong at the time?). Since PCOS is a hormonal imbalance, and we women get a lot of our emotional reactions as a product of our hormones, until your wife's PCOS (or hormones) are balanced or regulated, her mood swings could continue to be exaggerated.

Here are a few things I would suggest to encourage your wife (I am a wife myself):
1. If you haven't found a new doctor since you moved, suggest that your wife search for a doctor so that you can BOTH have a physical and get comfortable with a new doc. (I know that may be a big step since you don't like doctors, but this is one way to send the message that you're concerned for her without being pushy. Also, showing concern for her by stepping out of your comfort zone will help her feel more supported - it's like you're going the extra mile.)

2. Nobody is perfect, so do not begin beating yourself up for her mood swings. (You won't be able to be helpful and supportive if you put yourself into a depression.) You are more than capable of analyzing a situation and coming up with a logical conclusion as to whether your wife's words and actions are purely emotional or based on factual events. If, after examining a situation, you (or she) did something wrong, then of course, work out the problem with her. If, however, you can come up with no logical reason she should be angry, upset, etc, then wait for her to calm down. When she is calm, always be sure to ask her whether there is something you can do to prevent having the same fight or disagreement again. This will show her that you care about your relationship, and also will help her to realize when she is overreacting, without you actually saying the words "you are overreacting." (Do not be afraid that this will start her off again; even if it does the first time, your continued concern will not go unnoticed.)

3. Take walks, go swimming, or join some kind of sports league together. Increasing activity levels is one way that every doctor suggests to help treat PCOS symptoms. (In fact, my symptoms are fully controlled by diet & exercise.) You being more conscious of exercising regularly will make HER more conscious of it. And, if you are doing the exercising, too, then there will be no "are you trying to say I'm fat?" thoughts going through her head. (Sorry we are such complicated creatures. )

4. Help her cut out junk food by cutting junk food out of your own diet (at least when she's around). As I mentioned, some control can be gained with diet & exercise alone, so replacing junk food with fruits & veggies can help immensely. (Just don't do this so drastically that you find yourself ripping a candy bar out of her hand and replacing it with a banana - that wouldn't be nice. )

5. If you are worried at all about your marriage, see a marriage counselor, pastor, or someone else qualified to discuss any issues you are having. Even if you think some of your issues could more easily be dealt with if your wife was treating her PCOS properly, talking to a third party could be a step to helping her realize that, too. There is also the possibility that you are wrong about that, and your issues would be just as crummy with her PCOS under control. My genuine advice is don't take a chance. Take care of your marriage.

Sorry my advice is so lengthy, but hopefully it will help!

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Lost 120 lbs....only 50 more to go & I'm going to run them off!!!