Questions for the guys...

Youkai · 01-07-2003, 05:54 AM

Hey guys, I'm new here, and I have a few questions for the males running around.

Basically, I was just diagnosed with PCOS even though I've been complaining about symptoms almost since puberty. I won't go into my doctor rant here, but needless to say, they brushed me off for years. In fact, they even told my parents I must be sneaking food, etc etc.
So for years, despite eating VERY well, and working out a LOT, I was always told this was my fault, and made to feel very bad about it by my own family. (Including being told the extra hair would go away if I'd just lose some weight) As a result I'm probably more sensitive to some of the physical problems then I should be. I'm sure I've got a slightly skewed view of things.

Anyway, my real question.

I've got an incredibly supportive and loving boyfriend. We've been together for 3 years at least. He's a very patient male...lol.
Anyway, despite anything he says, I'm terrified of my appearance, and scared of him seeing what I look like with this extra hair/weight.
He's even said he'd take extra hair of over stubble from shaving any day! And still I can't get over my own shyness.

I guess, what I want is a guy's perspective on this. I know this problem is 'mine' and I have to get over it. Even though my BF is quite understanding, and tells me not to worry about it, what can I expect that he's feeling? Am I 'making a mountain out of a molehill'?

Thanks in advance....

DH2rosenleaf · 01-07-2003, 06:23 AM

Hi Youkai,

First of all, welcome to SoulCysters and good luck to you as you come to terms with your diagnosis.

Dealing with body image is a long hard road. My DW and I have been married for 4 years, but have known each other for just about 10 and it's still an issue. As your weight might fluctuate so do your feelings of self-esteem. At some point you will have to come to trust that your BF really means what he says and make a leap of faith, take a chance. It is really the only way you are going to make progress.

This does not mean that you should wait for your boyfriend at home and greet him wearing only plastic wrap or something.

Take it slow. Do what's comfortable. Talk with him about your feelings as you're taking the step whatever small step that might be. Ask for his continued support if you decide to stop shaving the extra hair or pursue other hair removal techniques.

The worst thing you can do is not talk about it. To continue to repress your feelings will only make you feel worse and you've already said you ready to get over that. Good luck.

Torie · 01-08-2003, 01:55 AM

Youkai... May I ask what nationality you are??

The only reason I am asking is because your username means you s*** in another language and I didn't know if you did it on purpose or if you even knew?!?

I got a chuckle when I read it for the first time!

Youkai · 01-08-2003, 03:49 AM

Thank you for the reply DH2rosenleaf, I'm sure you're right. Just have to talk about it, work through it.

As for the name, it means magical monster/demon in Japanese. (though I'm not...)

What language does it mean...other things in?

Torie · 01-08-2003, 02:42 PM

OK....! My sister was going to name my nephew Kai and I begged her not too!!!!

It means s**t in Samoan!

etuc · 01-08-2003, 05:53 PM

Youkai, I think your name is lovely!

Welcome to the board!

I called a Samoan friend of mine and they said that Torie is wrong. They said "Alu aikae" means "go eat sh!*" Although after the conversation I wasn't clear exactly what part was the eat part and what part was nasty. However I am confident that your name is not a samoan nasty word.

Hopefully you will be able to find the info you asked for and the support you seek

Torie · 01-08-2003, 06:28 PM

etuc for you information, I wasn't being rude to her, she knew that.

One of my really good friends is Samoan and yes it does mean s**t....LOL It can mean other things also, but this is the one I always remember because it's so popular!

What is your real name btw??

Youkai · 01-09-2003, 04:43 PM

Heh...I don't really mind what it means in Samoan, I know what it means in Japanese!

Thanks for the warm welcomes. My real name is Jen. Not the most interesting, I tend to have fun with screen names.

Torie · 01-09-2003, 05:08 PM

Atleast Jen is a name people can't make fun of or mispell and call you other names!!

Wanna trade?? LOL

SoulHubby · 01-09-2003, 07:02 PM

Nah Tory - Gen is a great name, easy to spell & all

-e

Torie · 01-09-2003, 07:04 PM

Your so funny..... But be careful in 26 days I'll be there to whoop your....

**stomps off** spells my name like a boy...sheesh

tpall · 01-14-2003, 08:26 PM

Hello Youkai, just my perspective, I think that you may be more worried about it than him. Of course, you also have the most to risk. I can tell you this...PCOS or not, my wife to me is more beautiful now to me than the day we met. It doesnt matter that she has a few more pounds on her. To be honest, i cant see it. She is just so beautiful sexy and desireable. She is a joy to speak with and to just hang out with. I think from my personal experience that the women tend to have so much anxiety over how they look when the men (at least in my case) dont really care or see it. Believe it or not, there are men out there who see more than just the outer shell of a person. men are not that complicated. If we are that shallow, it shows real fast. If this guy is trying to put you at ease,, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt. he may be a wonderful guy. If not..I am so sorry.