haven't said much lately, so thought I'd say something.
I woke up this morning feeling like crap. General "omg I got hit by a truck" kind of thing; headache from hell, sore throat, drippy sinuses, aching all over and such. Funny thing is, after napping on and off all day, my dad called me in the evening and said he and my oldest brother also woke up with the same feelings and also napped on and off all day. They both caught this bug from my SIL and niece, so they expected this all. But they live in Florida, I live in PA...so where did I catch it? I still say my immune system, is so crappy, I catch things over the phone
So I didn't do much aside from nap and feel like poop all day.
This weekend was good. Friday afternoon, on a last-minute whim, I decided to snag my mom's car and drive to NJ to be with Nick. My mom went to florida on thursday, so I was all alone here and bored. So while talking to my neighbor on Friday, she convinced me to just go to NJ and she'll watch the kitties for me while I was gone. So..I did! I'm so glad I went. He was shocked when I arrived there, since I had not called him to tell him I was coming (5 hour drive, too...had to hold my mouth shut for that long!). But when I called when I got there, and told his dad to simply tell Nick to go to the front door, he figured it out...came running out of the front door, down the (steep) driveway, and came to greet me with a big 'ole smile and hugs and kisses. Damn, he was a happy boy!
So I was there until Monday. So sad to leave. While there, he served me breakfast in bed...set up a nice candle-lit bath...went on a walk around the woods with me. We went out to eat dinner, went to some stores, just hung out and watched movies and such. It was just...great. Also, I slept so well when there. I always seem to sleep better with him.
So yeah, had a good time there. Came home, and felt like crap.
I also have to start thinking about putting one of my kitties to sleep Missy is 20 years old, I've had her since she was 2 months old. she's lived a long live, and has always been grumpy, mean and rude. But she was always my cat. Well, what do you do with a 20 year old cat that pukes all over, and has a nice new habit of pooping infront of the front door, or in BED? I could make it so she's only allowed in part of the house, but I'm sure she'd find somewhere else to poop, she'll still puke all over, blah blah. Not to mention, I find it depressing and sad to restrict where a cat goes, esp. an indoor one. My dad keeps telling me to let her go. He let his first cat die on her own, and she suffered horribly, and died alone in the basement where she wasn't found for a week. I don't want Missy to suffer, but I also don't want to put her to sleep if she isn't ready. But, grrr...she's really making things hard. Not only for me, but she's being mean to the other cats! And I heard animals know when another is sick/dying, and they often "get rid of" the sickly animal. Well, lately Oreo (one of my other kitties) has been randomly walking up and beating the crap out of Missy, for no real reason. I think he knows she's getting there and such. Blah. I don't know. I already told my mom, so that if i ever decide it's time, she can take Missy to the vet for me, because I could never do it.
Less than a month until the 1 year point from when Daniel was born. I'm not sure how it will go. On one hand, I did find...closure, I suppose, when I found out Daniel had a defect in which he never would have made it even if he was full-term. But Daniel was my first-born, my first son...my dream come true. Losing him was just...so hard. His loss also brings to mind how close I was to losing my dad, and how it's often thought i lost Daniel so he could watch over my dad. My dad is still alive, and doing well today. I still believe that Daniel is the only reason my dad is alive and well. Daniel takes care of my dad, and in turn my dad is here to take care of me.
Also, his headstone should be ready and placed next month. I already asked Nick to go to the cemetery with me for that. He said no problem, he will be sure to be there with me. At least I won't have to go alone. But then thinking about all this, about Daniel and Ari, just reminds me of my soon-to-be-legally-x husband and how much of an ass he is.
So much crap going on in my head lately. But yes, there are at least some good things now, thanks to Nick. Next step to making my life better: figuring out how to live somewhere with Nick. Renting a place is an option, but rent around him is so high, and the cheaper places are a bit too far and not worth it. Living with him where he is now (with parents) is an option, esp. since they love me and offered to have me live there, but they don't want me to bring my kitties (and I can't give up my kitties!). Now I'm looking into Nick buying a house. It would be hard, and Nick isn't ready to do such a big thing (mainly because that means a big debt, loans, money issues and such). But buying a house would be cheaper than rent! URGH! Damn money!
Oh, this has been a long rant, eh? Sorry.
I feel like dookie...and I really need a shower (yeah, it's almost 1am, and I'm going to shower just so I can sleep. I can't sleep with stubble on my legs/face )
P.S.- So Nick and I are about 99% sure we'll get married. No, not right now, I know it's soon..more like, by the end of next year. But I've been wondering, how do I bring up the whole hair issues? I hate having all this hair, but I can't be stupid into thinking he doesn't/never will notice. I don't know if I should sit down and talk to him about it, maybe wait for him to say something..or what!
P.S.S. - yes, Nick and his parents know about what happened with Ari and Daniel. Nick said when we're ready, he will do whatever I'd want to have a baby. He'd support me in whatever way I wanted to go. He said we can TTC naturally, and with meds...and he'd also be more than happy to go the adoption route if we aren't successfull on our own. Hrm. why do I have this gut feeling I'll end up pregnant sometime soon and shock the hell out of us both? Maybe because I always get pg when I least expect it. Yes, I should be using protection since he's already stated he's not ready, but I really am not likely to get pregnant on my own. He knows there is a SLIGHT chance it might happen. But I believe that I shouldn't stop what might happen. I don't want to mess with my own fate, I suppose. If it happens, it was meant to happen.
Ok..time to shower and maybe sleep.
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
Girlfriend, you need some birth control, and pronto. Don't mess up a new relationship with a baby. You two need to get to know each other and get your own place before starting a family. Marriage would be a nice addition to the mix, of course, before kids, but seriously you need some time. And your body needs some time. It's been through too much. I'm really glad you found a cool dude and want you two to develop a good relationship before kids, something strong enough and mature enough to be the foundation for a family. He sounds like a sweetheart.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
ahhh. I just stopped the BCP. they didn't do anything to help my cycles, made me moody/depressed, made me gain weight..and blah blah. Not worth it. No more hormones going into my body. Condoms + my vagina = BAD. So aside from condoms and hormonal methods, there isn't too much along the line of birth control. Like I said, the chance of me getting pg on my own is so slim, if it happened, it would be fate and out of my hands.
I had sex for 5 years, unprotected, and didn't get pg until the 8th try of clomid! Then with Ari, I was on Avandia. So no meds = no pg. My PCOS is NOT in submission right now. It's still going. Damn hair is growing faster than before, it seems. So I know my testosterone is high. I have no signs of Oing, so really, not worried.
Hey, I've already been seeing Nick longer than I was seeing my x before I married him So I'm going slower than I usually do! hehe.
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
WOW, yoiu have a lot going on. I tend to agree with Sheri about some type of birthcontrol though. You do need to give your body a rest.
I'm glad you found Nick--he sounds like a nice guy.
About the cat--I would let your mom bring her to the vet. I know it's sad but it sounds like she's not doing to well right now. And the other cat picking on her is sure not helping. My 19 yr old cat had a stroke and I had to put her down. She was also starting to have kidney failure. It's sad to lose one of our furry friends but in this case I think it sounds like the best thing to do!!
You hang in there Renee.
Oh well, i missed some news somewhere along the way but who cares...Good for you!!! YOu deserve someone in your life who makes you happy...he sounds really nice!!! And well, uh...just be careful I had the same opinion as you did about bcps before the wedding so i can relate...i figured nothing would happen anyway...but if it did yayyyyy.... it didnt though...
as for feeling like crap...are by any chance suffering from allergies??? Its peak ragweed/hayfever season and i'm a total wreck...i either cant breathe at all or my nose is dripping...the pollen count is exceedingly high...but i have alot of the stuff you mentioned...
anyway, take care!
aaaahhhhhhhchooooooooooo!!!
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks
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lol Nick is my hunny! Seriously, he's the best. Yay!
and why can't people understand this point. I don't want to take any BCP or anything because I find it...immoral to stop anything from happening because if it happened, it would be a miracle and would happen for a reason. I don't believe in accidents, really. Things happen for a reason. But again, as I've said, the chances of me just getting pg on my own is so slim, I really don't worry. Besides, although Nick wants to wait to have children, he did say he'd be happy if it happened and would just have to rush a few things he would otherwise wait for.
and yes, allergies are here...but this is more than allergies. Although my sinuses dripping/throat being itchy is seriously bugging me
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
BTW, I've noticed half the time my sig doesn't show up..anyone happen to know why?
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
I think Kat added a feature so that siggies only show up once per page.
I'm with you on this upcoming anniversary date. I've got several starting on 9/15, up to the day Rivi died (10/7). If you need me, just PM!
Can you take Missy to the vet for a checkup? Then you'll have a better idea of how healthy she is. My big boy has been getting grumpier as he gets older (he's 12), but he's healthy. We just have to deal with him being mean. He BIT me last week! Now he's not allowed in the bedrooms, little brat!
I think its great that you met Nick...I'm very happy for you and hope everything turns out as planned.
I just had my 1 yr since my loss...the actual day wasnt as bad as the days leading up to it, surprisingly. I hope you have a peaceful day.
Regarding the hair issue...(and I have the same issue but luckily it started after I met Mike)....if the guy has seen you in sunlight/daylight/in the morning upon waking/been close enough to kiss you, I'm sure he's already noticed. there's probably not even a reason to bring it up. if you ever reach the point that its unavoidable to talk about it (you are camping/in the hospital/cant shave for some reason), just start talking about how PCOS messes up your body so bad, etc. Its an unavoidable medical problem...not like you can help where hair sprouts out.
Regarding Missy...its so sad....I know how much I love my dogs and I can imagine you love your cats as much....I guess you gotta do what you gotta do...nobody wants to see loved ones suffer. Have a consultant with a vet or two for opinions on her condition.
Regarding BC...hmm....not much I can say....I dont know what I would do if I were in your position so I guess I have no room to talk or offer opinion.
randomness of sorts...(long, long, and longer) 
Missy is 20 years old, I've had her since she was 2 months old. she's lived a long live, and has always been grumpy, mean and rude. But she was always my cat. Well, what do you do with a 20 year old cat that pukes all over, and has a nice new habit of pooping infront of the front door, or in BED? I could make it so she's only allowed in part of the house, but I'm sure she'd find somewhere else to poop, she'll still puke all over, blah blah. Not to mention, I find it depressing and sad to restrict where a cat goes, esp. an indoor one. My dad keeps telling me to let her go. He let his first cat die on her own, and she suffered horribly, and died alone in the basement where she wasn't found for a week. I don't want Missy to suffer, but I also don't want to put her to sleep if she isn't ready. But, grrr...she's really making things hard. Not only for me, but she's being mean to the other cats! And I heard animals know when another is sick/dying, and they often "get rid of" the sickly animal. Well, lately Oreo (one of my other kitties) has been randomly walking up and beating the crap out of Missy, for no real reason. I think he knows she's getting there and such. Blah. I don't know. I already told my mom, so that if i ever decide it's time, she can take Missy to the vet for me, because I could never do it. 
YOu deserve someone in your life who makes you happy...he sounds really nice!!! And well, uh...just be careful 
I had the same opinion as you did about bcps before the wedding so i can relate...i figured nothing would happen anyway...but if it did yayyyyy.... it didnt though...
