Really struggling with TTC/adoption stuff, need to talk things out (Catholic beliefs)

Sari · 03-06-2006, 01:06 AM

Right now we are not totally in the Catholic Church yet, we've been through RCIA, DH just has to get his previous marriage annulled and then I can be baptized, confirmed, and married in the Church. Obviously we want to try to follow the beliefs now any way. Well, we want children, and in order to get PG, we will probably have to pursue further treatments, IUI in particular. IUI is not really "allowed" and I so want to do the right thing, and what God wants us to do, but it hurts so much to think that I won't be able to try to get pregnant, to give birth, to breastfeed, etc. I know that adoption is a wonderful thing, and we plan to do that anyway, but to know that I'd be missing out on the special things that go along with having a biological child, as well as knowing what my and DH's bio. child would look like, that type of stuff (sorry, I'm rambling, but those in the TTC journey know what I'm talking about). It hurts so much to think about this and think about what I will be missing. I need guidance. I don't just need a priest to say, this is what we believe, and this would be a sin. I need someone to talk this out with me. To see the pros and the cons. Is there anyone that can help?

2QTKat · 03-06-2006, 01:19 AM

Sari~ I am a Christain, not catholic, but I totally understand how you feel. I too am TTC #1 and I know we serve the same GOD and believe you need to do whatever nessasary for you to be able to hold your baby in your arms. there is nothing artificial about IUI, evrything happens inside your body, they just wash the sperm first. remember God is in control of ALL things, even what doctors do! Lots of Love and **BABYDUST**!! (please know I am not trying to offend anybody and everything I say is out of love)

Sari · 03-06-2006, 02:28 AM

I know what you're saying, but the doctor placing the sperm inside the uterus rather than normal, natural procreation is what the Church is against.

Thanks for replying.

2QTKat · 03-06-2006, 02:49 AM

I hope you will pray about it and let God answer this for you!!

Juana Baby · 03-06-2006, 03:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2QTKat

I hope you will pray about it and let God answer this for you!!

Wow, she said that so well! Because in the end, its God you have to answer to for your decisions, not the church. I am not Catholic - although my Dad was raised Catholic and I know about a lot of the traditions, etc. So maybe what I have to say doesn't count but thats okay, we are still sisters in Christ, right? My pastor has said many times that sin is not a list of do's and don'ts. It is an attitude of rebellion against God. And if you read in the Bible you will see this is true. I am reading several books right now. One of them is Hannah's Prayer. Another is about IVF itself and it covers religious beliefs.

Okay, so the last IUI that was done, Dh was able to inject the sperm into my uterus himself with the guidance of the RE. He thought that was the neatest thing! What if you sought advice from your RE/OB about your conflicts with TTC and the Catholic church. There has to have been other couples out there who have faced the same situation!

Again, no matter what happens, always seek Gods will! John 16:12-15 Oh, there is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not be presenting his own ideas; he will be telling you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. 14 He will bring me glory by revealing to you whatever he receives from me. 15 All that the Father has is mine; this is what I mean when I say that the Spirit will reveal to you whatever he receives from me.

John 7:16-18 So Jesus told them, "I'm not teaching my own ideas, but those of God who sent me. 17 Anyone who wants to do the will of God will know whether my teaching is from God or is merely my own. 18 Those who present their own ideas are looking for praise for themselves, but those who seek to honor the one who sent them are good and genuine.

So look for yourself and see what it says in the Bible about IUI. If you can find where it says that a doctor placing semen into the uterus for conception due to medical problems is a sin, there you go! If not, seek the will of God and see what He says about it!

With the love of Christ,

laural

tvelez · 03-06-2006, 03:50 AM

Hi Sari,
I have been catholic since birth, but my mother really wasn't very religious and neither were we... but i see where you are coming from. I agree with 2QTKat: "God is in control of ALL things, even what doctors do!" If you find we are not giving you the answers you truly need, you should be able to talk to your priest or the RCIA director. I would suggest reading the catechism of the catholic church, the church should have one for you to refer to, once again speak with your rcia director and see if he or she can help you. If now, go to a book store and just look it up in the index. I am sorry i cannot be of much help. Good luck and baby dust.

Sari · 03-06-2006, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juana Baby

It is an attitude of rebellion against God.

That is such a good point.

As silly as it is, I think I'm afraid to REALLY pray about it. I say prayers like "please help me get pregnant" but haven't really prayed to know His will about it. What if I pray and pray and never get an answer? What if I wait years until it's too late? What if I give up on getting an answer and decide to do it anyway, and ultimately have to explain why I didn't have faith? What if I'm not listening or watching in the right way? What if I get an answer I don't want to hear. What if I decide to do it and when my day of reckoning comes, I have to explain myself to Him, and I made the wrong choice? I agree that He is the one I have to answer to, not the earthly church, but I also think that the church is here to help and guide us.....not that there can't be mistakes made, or gray areas.

Thanks for the replies.

DiamondInTheRough · 03-06-2006, 05:56 AM

Just wanted to say I am sorry you are feeling so conflicted. I know how difficult it can be to choose your faith over your own personal desires. I hope you can find a middle path, and feel peace over whatever decision you make.

Take care.

2QTKat · 03-06-2006, 05:06 PM

Sari~ Remember that we have a FORGIVING God and he knows we will make mistakes. Not just in this area of our lives but in all areas. He wants to embrace you and be your comfort so lean on Him and allow him to be God.
I would also like to give you something to ponder, what if they are wrong? Won't they be held accountable for taking away the chance for so many people to have children?

Swingin' Cyster · 03-06-2006, 05:27 PM

Sari,
God wants to grant the desires of your heart! But His Will is much more than our tiny feeble minds can handle.
The reason the Church is against IUI is b/c it separates the procreative act from the unitive act - this is not how God designed procreation. Does that mean children that are conceived that way are wrong? Absolutely not! No child exists who wasn't created by God. Why do you say IUI is your only hope? There are a number of infertility treatments perfectly acceptable to the Catholic Church available. Fertility drugs, sperm enhancing drugs, are fine.
Another thought, there are some adoptive mothers who are able to nurse their children. That is AMAZING!
Also, don't give up on God. He will provide. Perhaps He's saying not yet for a reason you don't know. But it may be His will that you don't have biological children. For some reason it's his will that I'm single and my younger bro is married to a woman who doesn't like our family and has a child who we never see. This is gut wrenching for me. I want to be married so badly, but right now that's not His will. You never know, He might have a miracle baby in store for you!
I hope your asking the saints to intercede for you both! Persistant prayer is the way to go!
blessings and my prayers, Kara

Loreo123 · 03-06-2006, 05:42 PM

I am not Catholic, but I have also thought about gods part in TTC and the one thought that came to me over and over was, is it not god who gives these doctors the knowledge to help us conceive the children we might not otherwise be able to.

Forgive me if im overstepping my bounds, but I wanted to share a short story that I read once.

There was a raging flood and a man was trapped on the roof of his house.
A man in a boat came by and said get in, but the man refused saying, I'm waiting for god to help me.
The waters where getting higher and finally a man with a helicoptor came and said get in, but the man still refused saying, I'm waiting for god to help me.
Unfortunately the waters got so high that the man drowned and when he got to heaven he asked god why he did not come to help him and god said,
my child who do you think sent the boat and the helicoptor.

CelticSpirit · 03-06-2006, 06:06 PM

Sari,

First, it sounds like you're trying to be the best Catholic you can, but you're unsure of the teachings of the church. I can understand how you feel, sweetie. When I was trying for my first, I made up my mind that I wouldn't go beyond meds. I had fallen away from the church at that point, but even then, I knew that going beyond meds would just be more stress than I could handle.

It's one of those tests that we all must face. Do we do what's right in the eyes of our faith, or not? It's very hard to say that we are Catholic if we don't believe the church's teachings. Catholicism isn't a pick-and-choose faith. We must believe with all our hearts and trust. While it's true that God is there no matter how we handle things, God is there no matter what OTHER decisions we make, good OR evil.

Research the various forms of help and stop to think about what it entails. Another thing, remember how long it can take WITH HELP. It's also very expensive and insurance doesn't always pay for IUI's or IVF. Lastly, if you persue IVF, not all the embryos survive. I know that for many moms, this was the only way, but think about those precious babies that are being created who have no way of surviving. It goes beyond what would happen during a m/c.

And lastly, there IS embryo adoption which the church has no problems with. This would allow you to have a pregnancy, childbirth and the option of breastfeeding. You would be saving a baby that would otherwise have been destroyed.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Personally, I believe that this is a situation that only another Catholic can understand fully, not to offend anyone.

2QTKat · 03-06-2006, 06:13 PM

Okay, why is embryo adoption okay but not IUI? How do they think the embryo gets into the person to get PG? Double standards mmmm?

Swingin' Cyster · 03-06-2006, 06:47 PM

Actually it's still being discussed in the Church. An article from January can be found here:
http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2002/0201fea5.asp
The problem is is that there are all these lives created through immoral means that the Church can't turn it's back on. As it says in the article:
Equally clear, though tragic, is the statement that "in consequence of the fact that they have been produced in vitro, those embryos that are not transferred into the body of the mother and are called ‘spare’ are exposed to an absurd fate, with no possibility of their being offered safe means of survival which can be licitly pursued" (DV 1:5).
It's a sticky situation but worth looking into as it rescues a human being!
~Kara

CelticSpirit · 03-09-2006, 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2QTKat

Okay, why is embryo adoption okay but not IUI? How do they think the embryo gets into the person to get PG? Double standards mmmm?

Embryo adoption is ADOPTION although on a different level. IUI is attempting to create a life through artificial means--in other words, without intercourse.