My fiance left me. Alot of things happened for this to come about, my depression set in and everthing i had fell apart. Now ive become close to a firend who says they have feelings for me and i do have feelings for them too. They want ot be with me.
But i dont know what to do, the only reason i never want to be in a relationship again is because of this. . . Ah i dunno what im even trying to say does anyone understand?
Hey there girl. There is all kinds of cheesy replies I could give to this one like "hang in there" or "it will work itself out" but instead I am going to give you some honesty. If your fiancee left you, then realistically you are feeling angry and sad and confused and lonely. Many people will tell you that "time heal all wounds". I would rather say that YOU heal your wounds. If this friend of yours truly cares for you (and seemingly he does as he presumably did not try to be with you while you were engaged) then your health issues should play no part in the feelings you share. It is of course very important that he be made aware of any issues you have. If he decides to be with you at that point, then be grateful that he can see past those things to the person you are.
I was married for three years and shortly after splitting with my ex (whom I am still friends with) I was seeing someone else. Many warned me of these dangers and I of course payed them no attention. You are the only one who can decide what is best for you. If it feels right then go for it, if it feels forced or tentative then wait and see how things go. The important thing is that you know who you are and what you want without the crutch of a companion. If you are comfortable with who you are then stay true to that and follow the path that brings you the most joy.
I hope this helps and if I can help in any other way, please let me know.
Good luck
I agree with everything angelfaithy said in her post. As far as being with your new friend, I would take things VERY slowly in the relationship and maybe hold off from getting intimate with this person too soon. Be friends first; if this person truly cares for you, they'll be willing to wait for you.
In the meantime, do some inner work (with yourself or a counselor) to figure out WHY your relationship with the ex ended. This may sound tedious, but it's imperative that you are able to process through the failed relationship so that you don't repeat the same mistakes in your new one.
When I got divorced eight years ago, I used to say the same thing you're now saying, "I never want to be in another relationship again...I don't want to get hurt again." However, we humans are created to be in relationship with each other and at some point you'll either have to make the choice to take the risk of opening your heart to someone else...or spend the rest of your life scared and isolated from others. From the sounds of your post, it seems that you really desire to be in a relationship, but you're just afriad of being hurt. Taking things slow with the new friend will help with the trust issues. Most importantly though, forgiving yourself (tougher to do than it sounds) and learning to love yourself again will be the REAL key to emotional healing.
Thank you for your posts, yes i do feel alot of hurt and pain. I really dont know how to deal with all this, ive spent the last couple of nights sittin in and crying all alone with my bottle of wine for company. Coreny i know but it seems to help ive never been like this and im afraid my ex has got in contact but i cannot bring myslef to be his friend.
My friend who likes me has said he will support me but he is young and doesnt really want to think about a future which i can totally understand. Hes a really good guy.
I dont have a councilor i dont believe in talking to some1 who has no idea what your going through, id rather deal wit things myslef as i dont know how to talk to people Is this wrong???
Wrong? no... no one can tell you what is right or what is wrong for you. As far as "I dont have a councilor i dont believe in talking to some1 who has no idea what your going through, id rather deal wit things myslef as i dont know how to talk to people". I can only offer some words of wisdom.
Years of therapy have taught me many things. It has taught me when a problem is in our control and when it is not. You say that you do not want to talk to someone that does not know what you are going through, but in reality, you don't know what you are going through either. A common misconception is that when you see a therapist, that that person is judging you. That is simply not true!!! If you want to go it alone, that is your choice, but don't dismiss valid avenues of help because of your own preconceived notions about it. If you try therapy and hate it, then find something else, but it sounds to me like you only want to feel better if the process of feeling better remains in your comfort zone. If you could feel better by staying comfortable I am sure you would feel better already!!!
My point being that in order for you to make progress as a person in all aspects of life, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally, you have to push yourself out of the comfort zone and be open to what life has for you.
I very strongly recommend you give counseling a try. You are the only one whose actions will make your life better. Learn to take steps based on faith even if you are scared.
Good luck
Last edited by angelfaithy22; 12-28-2008 at 08:14 PM.
Reason: typo
If you try therapy and hate it, then find something else, but it sounds to me like you only want to feel better if the process of feeling better remains in your comfort zone. If you could feel better by staying comfortable I am sure you would feel better already!!!
My point being that in order for you to make progress as a person in all aspects of life, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally, you have to push yourself out of the comfort zone and be open to what life has for you.
Beautifully said, angelfaithy! I couldn't have said it better myself!
Hi, a few years ago my Fiance left me... not too long after one of my very good friends, asked if I would go out with him. On a whim I said yes... we've now been together almost three years, and we're engaged.
He honestly cares for me, and I honestly care for him. He has been there for me every step of the way, I was honest with him about everything that is wrong with me and my life, and he understood. It was the best thing I ever did.
I can't say for sure that the same will be true for you, but if he really truly cares for you, and you truly care for him, then it shouldn't mater about your medical issues. The person that is destined to be yours will love you for who you are through the good and the bad no matter how bad things get.
__________________ Sabrina
22yrs old
DXed Sept; 2005
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. and To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Relationship Dilema! How Do I Cope 
