Religious outlook of BCP's

NotAModeGirl · 01-10-2008, 01:19 AM

Hi everyone,
perhaps my question cannot be answered but it's worth a shot.
My boyfriend is a Catholic, and I'm religious but I'm not a Catholic.
We plan on getting married someday and we've considered using Birth Control when we start having sex. The Catholic church and most large Religions (aside from Islam) are very clear when it comes to birth control: It's a sin.

So I was wondering if anyone has a problem similar to this or has any advice?
We're both religious and virgins, but I don't think right now being in our late teens that it would be the right choice to have children.
So is taking Birth Control really a sin? And if not, how would I go about getting birth control without my Mother or family knowing?
I'm 18, but whenever I go to my Doctor my Mother is usually with me and so I cannot just ask my doctor about it in front of her.

Thanks for any help

Mimi L · 01-10-2008, 03:51 AM

I think the answer to this question really depends on your own perspectives and beliefs. You said that you aren't catholic but didn't say what religion you do practice. What does your church say on the subject? Maybe you could speak with your clergyman if you are unsure. I'm not sure about the doctor situation. Is there any way you could ask to speak with him/her alone or ask your mother to wait for you in the waiting room? If you have had a current exam they might be willing to give you a prescription over the phone if you called, but if you are on your parents insurance I don't know if they would find out about it or not. Maybe you could call your local planned parenthood for help and/or information. Non-prescription alternatives such as condoms might be an option to consider as well.

Do you plan on having sex before or after you get married? If after, your mother should have nothing to do with it, that would be a decision you and your husband should make together. If before, I would think you would want to consider that the catholic church and most other churches consider sex before marriage a sin and think about why you would you give so much credence to the birth control "rule" only to ignore another one? I'm not telling you that you should or shouldn't as that is a personal choice, just something to consider.

My religion doesn't consider birth control a sin and personally I think preventing an unwanted pregnancy is a better alternative than bringing a child you don't want or aren't ready for into this world, but that is just my opinion. The bottom line is that you have to decide what is right for you. Good luck with making a decision!

Anonykat · 01-10-2008, 04:40 AM

How about looking into Natural family planning, which is allowed by the Catholic Church? You can google it for more.

isenephthys · 01-10-2008, 05:39 AM

i grew up catholic and went to catholic school all the way through college. in our human sexuality course, we learned about the doctrine of conscience which basically states that in the evaluation of a given situation, we must defer to our conscience (assuming that our conscience is well-formed) even if that means over-riding a set church law. birth control is not prohibited by the bible, but by theologians. if you feel, after prayer and soul-searching that taking birth control in order to help alleviate a medical condition is morally ok, then by all means take it. now, if you want to take it to prohibit pregnancy a few more issues come into play but you need to weigh the theologian's directive against birth control against personal factors (i.e.- are we ready for children? can we afford to bring children into this world and care adequately for them at this time?). the ultimate answer is for you and your significant other to decide. my mom, who is very catholic takes birth control. i am no longer catholic, but even when i was i was ok w/taking the pill.

maybe you can talk to a trusted clergyman and/or some religious community leaders to gain some further insight into this issue. i know it is not an easy one and i wish you luck no matter what you choose.

Fleegle4 · 01-15-2008, 01:46 PM

I agree it's an individual decision, and you need to really look to yourself on what to do about it. As to whether it's a sin -- it depends on your religion, and at least in the US, I'm betting it's one of the most committed sins out there. Many US Catholics simply pass on that one, as Natural Family Planning can provide some protection, but there are many, many oopsies on that, especially if you have PCOS and your system is messed up anyway.

First, find out what your particular religion says about birth control. Some claim to forbid it, some simply discourage it, some have objections to certain kinds, some don't really say much about it one way or another. Also while many religions claim a scriptural basis for opposing birth control, if you dig deeper, you'll find that it came into being as an interpretation of scripture many years later, often in times when various churches were afraid of not having enough members to carry on their faith.

Second -- what do YOU believe about birth control? Are you opposed to preventing pregnancy, or are you just afraid someone in your church will "find out" and not like you any more? (I'm not trying to be harsh here, just pointing out the ends of the spectrum). If you're old enough to get married, old enough to be considering sexual activity, you're old enough to start trusting your own judgment and make up your own mind about certain things. This doesn't mean you shouldn't look to your religion for guidance or assistance to help you decide, but you are old enough to consider things for yourself.

Third -- are there limits to how you would object to preventing pregnancy? What I mean by that is that some people have no moral objection to methods by which the sperm never meets the egg (condoms, birth control pills that suppress ovulation), but have big moral problems with those that prevent implantation of a fertilized egg (IUDs, some kinds of pills, like the "morning after" pill).

If you do decide you want to go on the pill, you are over 18, and assuming you're in the US (and the rules are probably similar in Europe -- don't know too much about the rest of the world), doctors may NOT disclose information to anyone, even your mother, without your express consent. Go to the doctor by yourself and ask about it. Use condoms, which either you or your husband can purchase and no one else has to know about it.

Good luck.

GemmGirl · 01-15-2008, 02:36 PM

Are you wanting to take BCP to control your symptoms or to keep from getting pregnant? If you want to take it for the PCOS, I don't see how it can be a sin- just look at it as any other medication. If you want to take it to keep from getting pregnant- are you sure the PCOS hasn't already affected your fertility? As for your Dr.'s appointment- maybe its time to go by yourself- you have every right to as an adult. I don't mean to sound rude or disrespectful in anyway.

MamaJana · 01-18-2008, 07:38 AM

I agree that religion is a personal thing and you must interpret your religious doctrine your own personal way. You may not believe exactly like others in your congregation and that's okay, as long as you are comfortable with it. You and your bf/husband should make that decision together and really it's no one elses business.

If you decide you do want birth control and are not comfortable seeing your regular doctor, you can go to a Planned Parenthood or the local county health department and ask them about things like pills, IUD, Depo, etc. They are required by law to keep your info and your visit history private & confidential. Your parents would not find out. Of course, condoms are available at pretty much every store. As someone already mentioned, natural family planning options work sometimes (but aren't as reliable as some methods). You can learn your cycle info like when you are ovulating and just avoid intercourse during that time (you can chart your cycle, take temps, monitor your discharge, etc).

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pre...renessNFP.html

It looks to me like according to this site - http://www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/ - NFP is accepted by the Catholic church.

JosieFB · 01-18-2008, 11:56 AM

I am not Catholic, but here is my opinion FWIW. I disagree that most large religions consider it a sin. Generally none of the protestant religions (Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc.) teach that it is a sin. I don't even think the Episcopal Church, which is more of an offspring of the Catholic Church than the protestant religions are, teaches against using BCP. Of course there is no example of chemical birth control in the Bible because it did not exist, only the withdrawal method. There is also no example of all the other drugs we take today to improve our health. We are commanded to be fruitful and multiply, and personally I don't see that we are disobeying that command by planning pregnancy with drugs. I would have difficultly using the birth control methods that irritate the lining and prevent the fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus since I believe life begins at conception.

It is often difficult for a non-Catholic to marry a Catholic who rigidly follows the teachings of the Catholic Church. Please make sure you work out these issues before you get married. Pre-marital counseling by someone independent, (not from his religion or yours, but still Christian based since that seems to be important to the two of you) might be a good idea.

ChelNY · 01-18-2008, 05:51 PM

The main reason that the Catholic church and many others say that BCP is a sin is because there is debate over what exactly BC does. Many people say that the BC hormones make the uterus inhospitable to a fetus, and then when the placenta cannot attach to the uterus, it causes the fetus/baby to die... therefore you are murdering your unborn child that you never even knew you had. From what I've read in my BC literature, it sounds like the pill prevents me from ovulating. If you don't ovulate, then the sperm & egg can never get together, and there is never a baby, and then there is no murder involved. Just to clarify, I do get a "period" each month, but I honestly don't believe it is a real one, with ovulation and everything. It's different than when I wasn't on the pill.

Many people who oppose BC pills will support the use of a diaphragm or condoms, the barrier methods of birth control, because they prevent sperm & egg from meeting. You may want to investigate one of those. Many people will say the BCP is more reliable than a diaphragm, but I know people who use it with no problem. You just have to learn the proper way to put it in. The same for "natural family planning". My sister has had 2 kids, and they were not "oops". They were rather planned. She used the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and I highly recommend reading it whether you use that method or not. I learned so much about my body from it!

There is one other Bible reference to consider, if you want to consider religious convictions on this issue. Somewhere in the Old Testament, there was a guy who was forced to marry his brother's wife after the brother died. In the OT (Jewish) way, it was his responsibility to take care of this woman as his wife and even to bear children for his dead brother's sake. The story, in modern English, says that he basically pulled out and didn't inseminate the wife (spilled his seed on the ground) and this displeased God. In light of this story, some people argue that even barrier methods are wrong, because it is up to God to decide when sperm & egg should meet. I think this is good in principle, but not necessarily practical to apply. You have to decide for yourself (you & your husband) what you believe about the Bible and how you want to live your married life.

As for how to get around your mother, the Bible says to honor your father and mother. So, don't lie about it. I believe that as adults we are not required to share all of our business with our parents; parents need to learn to respect our adulthood, but believe me it is hard for them to let go sometimes. You may have to have a hard talk with your folks. Or just find a time on your own time to see a doctor.

AngelaCM · 02-08-2008, 05:39 AM

Honestly, I haven't read replies but the best answer I can think of is that the Catholic church, or any church for that matter, may preach as it wishes. But they have no business in your bedroom or your body. Just my two cents.

AlenaBug · 02-15-2008, 03:44 AM

My thought is this: I am a christian, and I have run into this issue with a few of my christian friends, though my church could honestly not care less, as they view bcps as a personal decision. I got married and began having sex almost a year ago, and did some research into various bcps. Some of them are "morning after" methods, and some are sperm killers. I cannot in good conscience use either of these, as the first (morning afters) kill newly concieved vygots (babies!), and the second (sperm killers) destroy sperm, which could be children. I use the type of pill that prevents ovulation. Neither the egg nor the sperm are harmed, there is just no ovulation and therefor no possible pregnancy.

When my dh and I ttc again, I do not want any possiblity that we have actually killed any possible children. Though I would never be aware of those deaths, it would still be murder.

I am unfamiliar with the Catholic church, but the above are just my thoughts on the issue as I deal with it myself.

candycarolina · 02-16-2008, 12:29 AM

personally i agree with alenabug:" but as far as the chatholic church goes not to be mean at al iam chritian n respect all religons but i know chatholic people ( woman that take bc) n sevral other things that go against the church many catholics do i think really especially in this day n time its personal

sarahgmac · 02-16-2008, 11:49 AM

I am technically catholic.

If you talked to a priest and explained PCOS and how BCP are one of the medicines used to treat PCOS, I am sure that would be allowed.

Technically any time you have sex not to have a child is against God. So now that I am pregnant, if I have sex, that is wrong. Am I going to stop? Heck no.

I do not believe in the morning after pill, because I believe that is a life you are taking. As I do not believe in abortion.

The catholic church is against IVF too. And some "Christians" believe that infertility treatments are wrong. They say if "God" wanted you to get pregnant than you would. Well do you tell a cancer patient, if God wanted you to live He wouldn't have given you cancer?

I think it is more a personal and spiritual question for you to answer.

I personally think that God doesn't care about BCPs (except the morning after type) and that preventing a pregnancy is the same sin as lying. So, I am ok with BCPs. But that is a personal question you and your DF need to explore together. Good luck!!!!

candycarolina · 02-16-2008, 02:54 PM

indeed i whole heartedly agree it doesnt really mattter the person ha to listen to there heart and yes god to but what god lays on there heart not the conviction of a church

Jashobeam · 02-16-2008, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotAModeGirl

Hi everyone,
perhaps my question cannot be answered but it's worth a shot.
My boyfriend is a Catholic, and I'm religious but I'm not a Catholic.
We plan on getting married someday and we've considered using Birth Control when we start having sex. The Catholic church and most large Religions (aside from Islam) are very clear when it comes to birth control: It's a sin.

So I was wondering if anyone has a problem similar to this or has any advice?
We're both religious and virgins, but I don't think right now being in our late teens that it would be the right choice to have children.
So is taking Birth Control really a sin? And if not, how would I go about getting birth control without my Mother or family knowing?
I'm 18, but whenever I go to my Doctor my Mother is usually with me and so I cannot just ask my doctor about it in front of her.

Thanks for any help

I have only ever heard of Catholics believing that all birth control (other than NFP and abstiance) is a sin. I'm a Christian, Protestant, and have found nothing in the Bible that says that keeping from getting pregnant is a sin. I don't take BCPs. They are intended to stop a woman from getting pregnant, but since it is possible to get pregnant on BCPs, it would then cause a very early abortion. I do not see things that do not cause an abortion as sin, since it's not stated in Scripture that they are sins. So, barrier methods, IUDs, etc. would be a health matter, not a Scripture matter.

If you are 18, your mother should be waiting outside in the waiting room while you go in to see your doctor alone. If you are going to be married soon, you need to remember you are an adult and your mom needs to understand you need privacy. Before you marry, you need to have a good, open, honest and very private talk with your doctor about your wishes as far as birth control and child spacing. You should also get a pap smear and physical before the wedding to make sure you are healthy.

Before you marry, you and your BF need to sit down and discuss sex, children, birth control methods and what part religion is going to have in your life. You need to be on the same page, or at the very least completly understand and respect one another's views. You don't need to be bickering over birth control or child spacing on the honeymoon!

I hope you two have a beautiful wedding and a happy marriage!