I'm having trouble with resentment. I never really had this problem before. Whenever someone announced a pregnancy I'd be like "great" and that was it. But now it's like, I want to go smack them and push them down like I'm 4. I'm so angry I'm not pregnant anymore. I find myself hating other women for being pregnant. Even women who I know have had previous miscarriages and struggles of their own. It's horrible of me but I can't seem to help feeling these things. At least I know better than to communicate them!
I guess its worse this week because I'm coming to the conclusion of my first after-m/c cycle and was really hoping I could get PG again right away. DH wasn't cooperating this cycle however and so we didn't get the timing right. So I'm pissed off double because of the missed opportunity... sigh...
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PCOS+IR, Hypothyroidism
Sleep Apnea (cured by tonsillectomy)
30-Something Mommy of 2
Logan Scott born April 9, 2004!
Conor James born Nov 1, 2006.
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I went through that too. Back when I was pregnant with my son, a good friend of mine was also pregnant. We were due within a week of each other. Well, my son was stillborn and her son was born 2 weeks later. After their son was born, thats all they talked about. They always wanted us to come over or go out to dinner with them. I was SO mad. I had just lost my child and it felt like they were rubbing it in. As time went by, things got better. I realized that they were only trying to be there for us, they just didnt understand that us being around their son was causing problems. I still have my days where I dont want to be around them. I have resentment because their son is the same age as mine and every time I look at him I think, well, my son should be doing this or doing that. It is completely normal. No one expects (at least anyone who has ever had a loss) you to just get over losing a child in only a short time. It takes time. Its tough. I have had 2 miscarriages and one stillbirth. I dont think I will ever get over losing my babies. I just wanted to tell you that I know what you are feeling and its normal. Hang in there and I am sending you big hugs. Take care.
Shencat...
I think you are behaving quite normally for having had a miscarriage... otherwise I am so not normal! I know this feeling all to well... right now as I mourn my twins (and second miscarriage) my SIL who I do not like anyway... is growing bigger and bigger each day. She is due with her baby the week before I was due with my twins. I can't stand to hear her name... can't be in the same radius as her... cannot bear to have to see her so pregnant when I am not. I slipped up the other night and told my own sister that if SIL was run down by a truck I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. (Now that is not so normal)... of course I don't mean it...but I detest her anyway... and this just gives me another reason to hate her even more... (she's a piece of work).
So I maintain as much distance as possible... I am even getting flack from my older not so nice sister that is berating me for not attending a casual get together... if she only knew why I can't bring myself to be there... My SIL has never been nice to me since I have known her... so somehow my resentment towards her feels okay....
I am sorry you are feeling this way... you should give yourself a break... you have been through a difficult time.
Karen
I'm right there with ya. My last m/c was nine months ago. I would've been due in a couple of days. I'm still have feelings of jealousy and resentment. A co-worker of mine is pregnant and she started telling people the day she missed her period that she was pregnant - before anything was confirmed with bloodtest and US. Boy was I in a bad mood for the next couple of weeks. I was so mad that she was telling people right away and that I never dared to tell people when I got pregnant because of the high risk of m/c - which then happened. I struggle EVERY DAY with my feelings. I don't want to feel this way, but I have a hard time controlling it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone. I think all of us at one point and time have felt that way.
Hang in there. Lean on us to get you through this period. We're here for support.
Beth
__________________ Beth (35)
DH (43)
mother to 2 persian cats, Dixie and Belle
dx PCOS 1999
clomid resistant
miscarried in May 2001
miscarried in Aug. 2002 (ivf cycle)
miscarried in Feb. 2003
moving on to adoption thru embryo adoption
twins born April 2, 2004 from donated embryos
Yup, totally normal. I still feel that way esp. with my cousin who was due a week after me. (Her baby is fine and every time I see or hear about her and the baby - I think, my baby should be doing this and that.) Yesterday, at my dr.'s appointment, the NP told me another one of their MP patients was pg. I got mad. I told her That's nice." I was thinking "I don't give a *&^%! It should be me - does the other patient have to deal with PCOS and not O'ing to start off with and on and on my mind raced. It does get better, but it does rear its ugly head every now and again.
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Sarah (24) DH Mike (25)
1st M/C 08-02-02 CMP To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Now on Paxil 37.5, Avandia 8mg, and 1500mg XR
TTC again To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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Yep, I know those emotions well. My niece was born 2 days after I had my second miscarriage. The intensity of my emotions actually scared me. I was SO angry that my SIL had had her baby...her 2nd one at that....and I was still waiting for mine. I just wanted to scream and yell and tell everyone to F off. I wondered what the hell I had done to deserve losing another precious bub.......what had I done that was so bad.
I think the resentment is natural....it's part of the grieving process and part of the hurt.
My heart goes out to you Shenacat......sending you lots of hugs.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
It's just been really harsh lately, I thought I could take it in stride but the anger is rearing its ugly head. Also I'm starting to fall into the "if I were still PG it would be like this.." which is simply self-destructive but my mind flows with it anyhow... grr...
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PCOS+IR, Hypothyroidism
Sleep Apnea (cured by tonsillectomy)
30-Something Mommy of 2
Logan Scott born April 9, 2004!
Conor James born Nov 1, 2006.
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Boy do I know how you feel!!! I went down that self-destructive path myself.
Do you want to talk resentment? I belong to another site which is mainly an all baby site, but there is a space on there for IF and PCOS. Anyway, one of my cysters tried 4 IVF's before she got pg a few weeks after I m/c in October. I just went into her pregnancy journal to wish her a Happy Birthday, and part of me was thinking evil thoughts. She went thru IVF like me but I lost my baby and she got to keep hers. As much as I was thrilled to death she finally got PG I was just as mad that she gets to be pg and will soon be able to hold her baby where as I won't. Does that make me evil? Nah, just human! Hang in there!(((HUGS)))
I'm still so angry when I see other women who are pregnant. My m/c was two weeks ago, and I still don't quite understand what I could have done to deserve this...
resentment 
