Respect goes a long way on these boards. Now I am not flamming anyone here on either side. Women until as a time come there is a fourm that is men talking to men and other fourms for questions I think it would be helpful when there is a post saying Looking for a man's pov it really should only be a man posting on them. Men just becuase women come here and post just as we do for our LW/GF's we can help where we can. Others have posted about fourms for certain topic's for men talking to men and women talking to men, or what ever is needed. Most of you know I had my time I needed to learn this fact, so I post both ways. Seems we are beating a dead horse until Kat gets past the board upgrade and has time to deal with this just be respectful when posting. Now in recent posts I am not saying flamming has been the issue at all just understanding should be happening more often. Men if you want to talk with me Cool that is why I am on these boards. But ladies need our attenion when they come here we got to help them as much as we take care of our own. Face it first of all its over all a total board for them. But its a great over all site to learn about PCOS that should be the first and for most issue we are dealing with. Not with the posts of you dont belong here. I may get flammed I am used to that, just understand I am posting for both sides here.
I completely agree with you on that one MOTB. There has to be respect.
I started posting here about 2 years ago when a nurse in my wife's Doctor's office told me about this site and that it had a forum for men. She said it could be a good place to go to vent, rant, "talk" to other men about what I was going through.
I came here looking for support but when I started talking about my wife's non-existent libido and its connection to my wife's PCOS, people started attacking me, both men and women. It got to the point where I stoped posting for 4 months just because I couldn't believe that some people would be so mean. One person even suggested that I leave my wife and get a divorce.
I came here looking for a way to cope with the lack of intimacy in my marriage that has been largely due to my wife's illness. Don't get me wrong. Not once did I ever not accept some of the blame. I was looking for advice from men who were successfully coping but never got any.
We men are the forgoten. We suffer too. Not in the same ways as are partners do but we still suffer.
Over the last 2 years I've run the full gammet of emotions. Denial, anger, sadness, and now I'm into acceptance. I can certainly accept that my wife has this disorder but I don't have to take it lying down.
I'm glad to say that finally, after all this time my wife has finally seen the light. She finally sees how much refusing any treatment is hurting me, our daughter, and her. She's started to use herbal remedies and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted.
I was just going to come on here and ask this question from a pcoser's POV. (This looked like a safe place to post... I hope you both don't mind) Something along the lines of... "I came here looking for a way to cope with the lack of intimacy in my marriage that has been largely due to my wife's illness."
Only... how do I help him/spoil him/hide the mood swings.. or what can I do after something like that happens to make up for it? I don't want him to have to keep "putting up with it." and not getting any. I mean it drives me nuts, but he's the one who has to deal with it emotionally. But, after awhile I am sick of him having to "deal" with it.
Seriously, what can I do to help him out or if I do have a mood swing, what is the best way to hide it.. and if not.. make up for it?
Since everyone's story is different, I'm really not certain what to tell you. All I can tell you is what I would like to see in my own situation. I hope this helps.
1. Mood swings. Well...what can I say about mood swings? I can only say that in my experience, they are really hard to "hide" and often times, my daughter and I are the targets eventhough I realize that that its not intentional. For me, in these cases, a simple "I'm sorry" would do.
2. No libido. This too is difficult. This is what truly hurts me the most. Being rejected 9 times out of 10 and just seeing her lay there during the 1 time it does happen has made me frustrated beyond belief. Being pushed away from any sort of intimacy outside the bedroom (Hugging, kissing, cuddling) also hurts. I cry a lot and I find myself wishing that I had the strength to just end it and leave but I don't. I need my wife. I need her desperately but the loneliness I feel has me feeling a kind of despair I never thought I would ever feel.
I'm at the point right now that a simple touch, her soft hands carressing my back after a hard day at work, would make me feel human again.
My advice to you or to any cyster who suffers from low libido and have a DH or BF is to never withold touch, sexual or not. While we are not willing to admit it, we need this from our partners. I would feel so much better about what is not happening in our bed if my partner were to only touch me more. I tend to her needs all the time but once in a while we need to be nurtured too.
One other thing...don't ever forget to tell him just how much you love him and don't be afraid to show it.
Excuse me for a moment. I would like to say thanks. I have problems in this area and thought for so long that any touch would give my husband the idea I was in the mood when I wasn't. I forget he is human too and needs touch just as much as I do. Thanks for the reminder. I will now excuse myself out of this man area.
This first question though, how to we make up for the mood swing other than touch? If we 'blew it' on a mood swing, what are other ways men need from us to 'make up' that 'ooops'.... The man I adore is long distance, I cannot touch him and the swings make him tune out. Well- the swings I had before metformin. I am now on medicine but he is sloooooowly coming around sloooooowly, but again, I can't touch him, hold him or kiss him or show him any physical way how I care. How do I do it from afar? Or for others here who have physical intimacy, what other ways can we 'make it up to you guys' when we blow it? Is sex and touching the only way?
I may have misread LAST's post but I thought that she had asked 2 seperate questions. She said "I don't want him to have to keep putting up with it and not getting any." So I assumed she was asking about 2 issues.
You're right. When my wife blasts me for no reason touch and sex are the last things on my mind. Before my wife's diagnosis and certainly for at lest the first year after the diagnosis, I had difficulty reacting appropriately to the mood swings. Granted, there were many times, I'll admit, that I deserved getting yelled at. For those other occasions though, it took me a long time to make the mental connection betwen the outburst and my wife's condition. Education and learning to live with PCOS (hey, us guys suffer from PCOS too) has been a big help for me in this area. With my wife in denial, I had to educate myself about this disorder. So, helping him understand what PCOS is and what it is doing to you will help, I think.
Like I said in my response to LAST and I certainly can't speak for all men but in my case a sincere "I'm sorry" would be a huge help. I have yet to hear my wife apologize for any undeserved outburst. She's an extremely strong, proud and stubborn woman who has a hard time admitting when she's wrong. I'm sure that one day she'll get around to it and when she does, I'll feel a lot better.
I guess that's why I love her so much. I see so much tragedy in my line of work that sometimes I need a stong shoulder to lean on. Just this past weekend, I was sent out to a "big box" hardware store to investgate a fatal incident involving a 16 year-old boy and a forklift. It's times like these that I just couldn't do it without her.
She is my rock. I guess that's why seeing her suffer and experience all of the emotions that she's had to deal with is so hard to take.
Thanks Neech. I appreciate your advice. I've sent lots of apologies and tried to correct my behavior (now that I'm on medicine I can do that easier) but he doesn't seem to care. He will occasionally answer an email with a 1 liner but as far as discussing what PCOS does, I have given him this site to review but if he has no time to correspond with me I doubt he will even visit here. We used to have enormous closeness, I mean it was SWEET and then it was like this disorder hit like a ton of bricks and yes, he deserved some of it like you did too, but I'm a peacemaker and I just want to forget about what he did wrong or continues to do wrong like ignore the issue. He was a deeeep man, but the longer it goes without him addressing the issue the less likely I think he's deep. He's a healer so why he can't review my condition and his own behavior is bewildering to me. He cared a great deal in the past about me, until this condition reared it's ugly head. So, every day I wonder what I can do to fix things, but it just seems futile. My girlfriends give me advice and it's not good advice because they don't have PCOS and they don't understand the damage emotional mood swings can do so they tell me he's an asshole or that he's a liar since he can't be there for me like he said he could in the beginning, they basically tell me I'm not the one with the problem, that he is....but I refuse to listen to them because I need to believe that our time together when things were sweet, was the truth and not lies....but then I am gullible. Without communication it's really hard to determine what is going on or how to fix things.
Women with huge amounts of pride are difficult. My sister is that way, more egotistical than the average male. It's amazing how the testosterone plays out in our lives. It can make us very 'male' in how we deal with disagreement, competition and getting our needs met. For instance, my bf sent me an email about a tenor singing an aria on American Idol that brought tears to his eye's...I responded in a competitive state that I was better than that man and told him stories about my opera abilities (I sang and took private lessons at a very early age and was very good) so I started completing like a man over opera and I didn't even see it until I was on medicince...."Oh I am better than him!" Trying to prove my self to my bf...kind of embarrassing, but that's what it does. Like the Fonze, I got really egotistical because I was sooooo insecure. The moods make me feel insecure but the metformin gives it all back to me, my health and esteme... Looking at the obvious symps of this disease is easy, it's the behavioral things that are male which are difficult to grasp until we are healthy - anyway for me. I just see alot of male tendancies in myself when I'm hurt. And since i date older men, they are usually loosing testosterone and gaining in estrogen. This happens to men as they age, so the older men get more 'passive and feminine' and I with my testosterone get more 'masculine' in a subtle way so it's a difficult combination but I don't like men who are young.
So, not to veer off topic, but I just wanted clarification that there really is nothing I can do to fix things until he is ready. Thanks for the advice.
Respect to all 
