ok, let me start by saying this is my personal thoughts on the subject and i am no expert, half the time i don't know what i'm doing but it just works out to be realy romantic. i have only been intimate w/ my wife so i am no expert there either but from over hearing her talk to her friends and talking to mine i have an idea that some of the stuff i try is unusal and effective. now that i have that out of the way i just wanted to put something i wrote almost 2 years ago as a reminder that us guys are not perfect.
"i think i know why i don't apeal to some women, i can come off as "prince charming" and the "knight in shining armor" but the problem is my armor has become battle scared and when i take of the helmet to show my "prince" side i am often soaked in sweat from the battle for the woman's affection, health, pride, or any of the other battles i let myself get roped into. what i need is a woman who knows what she wants and is going to stay with that decision, i have yet to meet one (well at least one who wasn't married) and ladies if you are reading this that does not mean to wimp out on me if we disagree, i enjoy the challenge and the fire a good natured fight or arguement brings out in a girl, most guys do. (and making up is always fun ;-P ) ...(editing out the personal stuff)...if any of you ladies out there have some advice for a guy who tries to treat you as LADIES, not toy or prizes or anything else the world says i should please tell me becouse i am closing my self off more and more and it is realy not a good thing." so ladies please rember we try to be the knight in shining armor and the prince charming, but we will have our rough edges and dents and chinks in our armor. it just means we're human and can be hurt. same as you.
i know i sound like i know what i'm doing or have a degree as one friend said, i don't. i just happen to think differently from most people and it can give me an advantage at times, kinda like the movie "what women want". ok i'm not that good but i try. now the promised advice for the guys. some of this will sound strange so just try what you are comfortable with.
1) this sounds obivous but we over look it often, suduce (spelling?) her, go overboard, candel lit dinner (cook if you can otherwise takeout, but put it on plates!) wine or her favorite drink, flowers, her favorite desert, romanic music, basicly date her! she's still your girlfriend, right?
2) suprise her, have flowers or candy sent to her work w/ a sappy card, make her co workers jelous, and do it for no reason other then to let her know she is special and you love her.
3) when in dout of something to do, weather your not creative or just stumped you can always try the web, no i'm not gonna make you search eveywhere, here are some examples; http://www.lovepoemsandquotes.com/ http://www.free-e-cards-online.com/LoveCards.html (this is fun and free way to say i love you) http://www.500lovemakingtips.com/ http://www.300creativedates.com/
and probly the best one, http://theromantic.com/
4) and this one will sound odd if you are trying to get more intimacy, but make it all about her. and i don't mean just have some forplay or something as simple as that. i mean make her feel like the sexyest woman in the world and that all you want to do is, and there is no way to put this but bluntly, give her as many orgasims as you can, don't make it about sex, if you need to you can "take matters into your own hands" but this has to be about her. trust me on this it can be far more enjoyable then you think and most times she will be to tired to do anything for you. this is ok, it means you did a good job. and this is something she will rember too.
i hope this helps and anyone who has ideas or if something realy works please share. it take a real man w/ some serious balls to seek advice, let alone from someone they don't know so any guys reading this are both honoring thier wives/girlfriends by admiting they can use some help sometimes and showing that they are man enough to go find it.
__________________ doing what i can to be a supportive husband
Great idea, biker. I'll have to check out some of these sites. When I get a chance, I'll post my top 10 list. It used to work but got stale after a while.
are there only 2 people here who have an opion here? ladies if there is something your hubby or bf did for you that you want to share please do, that's what i started this thread for
__________________ doing what i can to be a supportive husband
You sound like a great guy who is dealing with your situation in a positive way. Your other half is very lucky to have someone so understanding and willing to do whatever it takes to make sure your relationship survives. Your tips on romance were spot on and I will be showing them to my Hubby in the hope that he will respond. I have bought books on my syndrome, but he doesn't seem to want to know. I have tried to talk to him about my PCOS but because it comes under the heading of "Women's Problems" I think it's scaring him off a bit. He struggles expressing himself emotionally and when talking about anything like this he tends to clam up and change the subject which kind of leaves me feeling like I am dealing with this on my own. It's not his fault and he is a very kind and generous man.
I just needed to let you know to keep doing what you are doing, you seem to be quite in tune with what your woman needs..well done.
thanks amber, your husband sounds allot like me, i have trouble expressing my emotions and like i said on the first post that this is a hard thing for us guys to handle too. i try to be there for my wife and meet her needs but it is hard some times and i'll admit i'm far from perfect but like the title suggests, when it comes to romance i don't know what i'm doing most of the time but it works out well. one example is my wife and mine's first date, we were in central pa where i was visiting some friends and she was meeting a guy, well she got stood up and was very upset about it so i had the idea to go do a cave tour i knew about on the way back and then go catch a movie, so we did the cave tour and went to see the movie "The Cave", what i thouhgt was a scifi movie ended up being a realy good horror movie, not the best choice but that is one of our favoirte things to do for a date, got do a cave tour, realy good for the summer bc cave are cool, and then goto a movie. tell him about this site and see if he wants to talk to us guys.
__________________ doing what i can to be a supportive husband
hi biker,
just wanted to say that your wife is very lucky you sound like you are perpared to try anything you can to show her how much she means to you
good on you
__________________ ceffion dreaming of babies
me helen (32) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. dh mark (32) married 13-06-1998
For biker or any other men that want to weigh in on this...
My significant other and I are the same age (mid-twenties) and started seriously dating in March after having known each other casually for about three years.
I'm sexually aggressive/assertive and had been intimate with other partners in the past, whereas he was a virgin when we first got together.
We live together and are intimate at least once per day, but he's only initiated a couple of times in the five months that we've been sleeping together.
I honestly don't normally have a problem with this, but about once a month (like today), I really want to feel wanted. The two times that he DID initiate were because I was a bit intentionally withdrawn; somewhat manipulative, I know, but I told him later what was up. :-) I don't know it's a confidence/fear of rejection thing on his part OR if he's the kind of guy that likes to be pursued as opposed to being the pursuer.
I brought this up to him about a month ago, and he honestly didn't know why he doesn't like to initiate. I think he's attracted to me (he's affectionate/flirty in public and caring/sweet in private), so should I just accept things the way they are? Or maybe I should try to tone down my sex drive?
I wouldn't say it's hurting our relationship at all, but it does sometimes pop into my head...
__________________
"Women are meant to be loved, not understood" - Oscar Wilde
~ We are never given more than we can't handle! ~
Me (26) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. My Man (26) | Mopar To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. & Sylvia To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
My dh and I have been together for 12 yrs. I was the experienced one and he was virgin. It took him a long time to initiate as well. I think in some cases, he just didn't know "how" to, so I pretty much always did. Now he does. Give your guy some time. Maybe he's just shy like mine used to be.
Biker,
My dh used to be extremely romantic, it waned for a while and now its coming back. I had to threaten divorce for him to realize the seriousness of this. I plan on checking out those links myself because as a woman, I am hardly romantic. Thanks for posting that!
__________________ Georgette(32)
Diagnosed 2/07 Mom of Caitlyn(9) Tristan(7) and Heather(6)
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sorry i have been away for a while, had some issues with another thread here that will not be let to die.
Alaska, your situation is almost exactly mine. i can relate to your so and i am about his age, i'm 26, with me at least its not that i don't want to most of the time i'm trying to initiate but it doesn't come across that way, i'm not the best at it and i'm not comfortable with just basically saying "hey, you wanna?" and when i am being clear it isn't always when my dw is in the mood and i know it upsets her bc she feels she is depriving me, and i have tried to assure her that is not the case. often i will not try to initiate anything bc i don't want to hurt her. have him check out some of the sites on this post and just remember that sometimes we don't initiate not because we don't care but because we do care. just some thoughts from my point of view, not saying i'm right just i can relate to him and after allot of thought this is what i came up with for me.
gstump, glad i could help and it seems allot of women are getting use from this post. to be honest i'm surprised, i guess i fell into the belief that women had a better idea then us guys. i just hope someone's got more of a clue then me bc most of the time i am doing it by accident. if you or anyone else has other suggestions or tips please share, i'm always open to new ideas.
__________________ doing what i can to be a supportive husband
Here's some quick tips from someone who's on her way to a divorce:
1. It's not always about sex. Women like other forms of intimacy that aren't sex-related.
2. Women like it when men are genuinely interested in their lives.
3. Women like it when their men are trustworthy and honest.
4. Women like it when their men are men enough to share their struggles and temptations.
5. Women like it when men don't walk away from important or in-depth conversations about something other than the weather or sex.
__________________ Mandi (29) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Shoha (21) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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Its been a while since I've posted on this discussion board and I've noticed that my thread has been deleted or moved. Well that's OK.
A lot has changed since my last post and while things aren't perfect or where I hoped they would be. My BDW (beautiful, darling wife) are in a better place. My best tip for intimacy and it has taken a long time for me to learn is:
Just Be Yourself
There's a lot of pressure out there that is placed on both sexes to perform. What I have learned the hard way is this...just leave your performance expectations at the door and go in with an open heart and an open mind. What ever happens, happens. What doesn't, doesn't. Life is full of surprises. Some of them are pleasant and some are not. In fact some are painful.
I was hung up on performance. What my wife did or didn't do. But what I noticed was that I really wasn't paying attention to her the way I should have been or the way I used to. So my advice to all you DHs or BFs or Rainbow Cysters out there is this - be yourself and don't stop being the person your partner fell in love with. See, I stopped being her hero and so I say our problems with intimacy are as much me no longer being the man she fell in love with and PCOS. Both contributed.
I have come to the realization that no matter how frustrated or angry I get about PCOS, I am powerless against it and what it is doing to my wife. I can only support her and help her where I can. Now my behavior on the other hand I can change,and have made great strides in changing. I have left my expectations at the door and I have started to cherish the fact that we still do share some intimacy from time to time. I'm feeling less anxiety and that has significantly decreased the amount of tension in our bedroom.
I've also started doing the little things again. The flowers, the little notes, the tender kisses on her cheek and a soft "I love you" as she lays sleeping before I leave the house to head off to work and actively listening. The result...she's not as cranky anymore and she's told me that she has noticed an increase in her desire to have more play time.
Never give up...never stop loving her for who she is....accept the things you can't change....cherish the time you have together. My romance tips for all of you out there with a partner suffering from PCOS.
romance and intimacy tips from an idiot savant 
and that all you want to do is, and there is no way to put this but bluntly, give her as many orgasims as you can, don't make it about sex, if you need to you can "take matters into your own hands" but this has to be about her. trust me on this it can be far more enjoyable then you think and most times she will be to tired to do anything for you. this is ok, it means you did a good job. and this is something she will rember too. 
