It's 3:09 am. I'm awake and crying.

donnadonna · 11-20-2003, 05:36 AM

why? I'm so upset and scared that I'll never get the chance to try to have children. All I've ever wanted is to be normal, to be like eveyone else. I'm losing friends by the minute because my single, house-free, child-free life can't keep up. I feel like I can't talk to my friends about my life anymore because I (and my problems) are irrelevant. Which is why I'm posting my woes online rather than talking to anyone.

At 32 & 1/2, I'm lightyears away from even trying to ttc. For those of you who are ttc, I envy you. You're halfway there. I feel like I have a year and a half left to try and my bf won't ever be ready. We've been together for a year and a half and it makes me sad when people ask me "so...any news...?" (meaning are you getting engaged?) and the answer is always no. Bf has big issues from growing up with parents who split up when he was young and a mother who is still bitter about it. I'm so afraid to even try to talk with him about the future or what I'd like for fear that I'll lose him. Then there's the f'ing pcos which just makes it all more difficult.

I honestly feel that my life will be worthless without a family of my own. I feel like I am letting my parents down -- after all the trouble and expense they went to to raise and educate me -- this is how I turn out. I'm a "career woman" by default. Having a job that pays well and being able to take care of myself is not what I want, it's just where I ended up. More often than not, my work sucks and I feel like it's meaningless. If I'm not here to have children, to be part of my own family, what's the point of it all???

By the way, the thing that sparked all the crying...Bob the f'ing Bachelor (yes, from tv), first dumping Mary bcz she's 35 and said she wants a family soon, second the look on Kelly Jo's face when he dumped her, and finally his copping out with the right-hand promise ring crap to Estella!

Thanks for taking the time to read my drivel.

Memeshow · 11-20-2003, 07:48 AM

I'm sorry that you are down in the dumps. I wanted to reply to the part about your boyfriend. I read dear Abby daily in the newspaper and when I read about your bf not wanting to get married I thought of what dear abby about tell you to do...

You are looking for someone who wants to get married and have kids and he's not...it's time to move on cyster! Go out and find you a man who wants to have a family with you! You deserve it!

Or dear abby's old stand by is that its time to get both of you some couple counseling. Sounds like he needs it to move on from his parents problems and you needed it to help you too. The both of you need it to help each other! And if he won't go...go by yourself!

Best wishes to you!

Jenny Gabrenas · 11-20-2003, 08:30 AM

i'm hoping you feel better today! it sucks to be down in the dumps. i dont have any 'advice' for you, mainly because i sometimes dont like to get it. sometimes its just good to let it out and have people understand your pain. i hear you, i feel your pain with you, and i'm sorry you are going through this!

christylh · 12-30-2003, 08:29 PM

Donna,

I'm hoping I can say this in a way which won't offend you, but your life certainly isn't worthless if you never have children. The fairytale side of having them isn't nearly as overwhelming as the reality of it all.

If you can't conceive then you have a chance to life the kind of life that most tied-down, overstressed and overburdened parents would love to have. It's just a matter of seeing your life in a different way than one you have programmed yourself to want for so many years.

Also, you should really love a guy for himself, and it's really not a good idea to assume that one who has had not had good experiences in his family would want to risk passing on any poor parenting traits. Savvy people realize that history tends to repeat itself in families sometimes no matter how hard you try to make it not.

Sorry if that's a bit frank, I just don't think anyone should ever feel bad if they're not either married or married with kids. It's unfair.