It's Been One Week Now (long)

debshaw · 07-08-2003, 09:28 PM

It's been one week ago today that I found out that my baby was gone. I wa 9w3d and I was scheduled for an appointment for a check up. I was so excited and was finally starting to adjust to the fact that I was pregnant. We have been trying for two years to get pregnant. I had a vaginal u/s and when the image showed up on the screen, I was mesmerized. The baby had grown so much in three weeks and you could tell it was a baby. I didn't realize right away that anything was wrong but my doctor did. He said he was very concerned and then he told us there was no h/b. It still wasn't sinking in with me. He said that as far along as I was that the h/b should've been prominent. It finally started sinking in and the tears started running down my face. DH was squeezing my hand this whole time. Finally after really looking hard for the h/b, my dr said he was stepping out of the room for a few minutes to give us some time. DH came over and put his arms around me and we just sat and cried together. Finally the doctor came in. He said that we should schedule another u/s the next day and he suggested a D&C because of how far along I was. That night was terrible. I cried off and on all night. I have a 4 year old DSD that lives with us and we hadn't told her about the pregnancy for this very reason. I had to try to be normal for her benefit but after she went to bed, I just laid around and cried. DH was wonderful. He ran and got some food so I didn't have to cook and he did little things all night that really meant a lot to me. He's still like that. I feel bad for him because this is the second time the exact same thing has happened to him. He lost his first baby from a previous relationship with DSD's mom the exact same way. Yet he was still strong for me. I thank God for him every day!

The next day we went for the second u/s and still no h/b. He found the umbilical cord and it was just laying still. Dr. said that it should have been pulsing and we should be able to see blood flowing through it. He also said that wasn't as much room in my uterus and that indicated that my uterus was starting to contract. We were absolutely heartbroken. My D&C was scheduled the next morning (last Thursday). I had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. It was awful. There wasn't much physical pain, it was all emotional. I started having some cramping on the way home in the car. I didn't bleed much or have much pain until Saturday. It has been touch and go since then. I was given Percoset and Ibuprofen for the pain. I don't like pain medication and don't usually take it unless the pain is really bad. Last night I had to take a Percoset.

DH and I are coping as best we can, but it's been hard. We are not dwelling on it because we know it was God's will. My dr told us we can try again in about 4-6 weeks so we are hopeful that we will be blessed with another pregnancy and this time it will work out.

I've only been lurking here for a few days but never posted because every time I read someone's post, I ended up crying because I can so relate to everything you're all going through.

I haven't actually posted anywhere except on the pregnancy board about the loss. I've felt sort of displaced about where to post until I saw this board. This is truly a great site! There is something for everyone.

Well, if you've gotten this far, thank you for reading. It helps to get it all out.

shelby · 07-09-2003, 10:45 AM

Deb, just wanted to you to know that we are here with you grieving, and feeling your pain. We are so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

DoubleA · 07-09-2003, 10:53 AM

Deb -

I totally feel your pain. Your experience is so similar to what I went through last november it is scary. I felt most at home on this board for a few months before I got back to actively trying to conceive. This is a great place for support. Many women stay here even after they are pg again.

Take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal. Things will work out in time. I am so sorry for your loss.

DavisSR · 07-09-2003, 11:06 AM

I am so sorry that you are having to suffer through this. Please know that we are here any time to listen to you, to cry with you, and even to laugh and rejoice.

Hugs,
Sheri

CITOLDUSO · 07-22-2003, 06:43 AM

Deb,

Your story sounds similar to mine, lost my baby at 8 weeks with no heart development. I know there is nothing I can say that will make things easier. but you are in my prayers. I went through the D and C also and I agree the emotional pain the day of was the worst. I was fortunate enough to not have much cramping or pain afterwards i only took 2 vicodin to help through the whole thing.

I feel my DH is taking it harder than I sometimes because he does not have an outlet to cry, rant and rave like we do here.

Hang in there...once again you are in my thoughts and prayers.

MaLee · 07-23-2003, 03:56 AM

Hello - how are you doing? I hope you are starting to heal emotionally. I also had a D&C after the 8wk1dy u/s showed no heartbeat. The emotional pain was the worse - still is a year later. Let us know how you are doing. (((HUGS)))

debshaw · 07-29-2003, 10:57 AM

Hello Everyone,

Thank you all so much for your support. I haven't been around much lately. Trying to heal...I've been doing pretty well actually except I still have some very emotional days.

This past weekend I had a rough day. We were at the mall to buy a birthday gift and I saw Motherhood Maternity. My sister gave me a gift certificate there for my birthday that I never got to use. I decided to go inside and ask when it would expire. Well, they told me that their gift certificates never expire. I walked about the door and burst into tears.

That night we went to a wedding and it was pretty emotional. The girl sitting on the other side of DH had a newborn little girl sleeping in her arms. Felt a little tug there. Then the ring bearer was a baby probably about six months old. They wheeled him down the aisle in an old fashioned baby carriage. Tears started rolling.

Have you all gone through these things? I'm sure you have. For the most part though, I'm really doing ok. Finally stopped bleeding and spotting and am waiting for AF. I am going to Myrtle Beach next week with my whole family and I sure hope AF doesn't show up til we get home. I go back to the RE Aug 14 to decide what our next step is going to be.

Again, thank you all for your love and support. It really means a lot.