It's FINALLY over

Tensei · 05-09-2007, 11:45 AM

Hi everyone. THank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers!
The whole ordeal was a lot worse than it had to be, I survived, however, and it turned out to be a VERY good thing that I did it.

When we got to the hospital, I was just bawling my eyes out. The woman in admissions was especially sensitive and made sure we had a female nurse to escprt us to the lab and the surgical ward. Our nurse escort was very sweet, just wrapped her arm over me as we walked to the lab. In the waiting room, there was this sweet elderly couple, and the wife asked me, "Ohh, what's wrong, dear?" I just told her that I was there for a miscarriage and she said "Oh, I'm so sorry. You know, I had 2 miscarriages and went on to have three wonderful children!" That was comforting to me. The nurse also shared her experience with miscarriages, and told us that she went on to have two children. Well, then the little old lady began to cry and said "Oh, but I know how hard it is. I remember feeling that it was so cruel that the doctor just took the baby out and threw her in the garbage! It just wasn't fair." OK... that was NOT the right thing to say to me at that moment, but I handled it well and moved on. I think the only thing that kept DH from jumping down her throat is the fact that she was a little old lady.

After they took my blood, the escort nurse took us upstairs to a curtained room where I got a new nurse. I did NOT like this one at ALL. She was good at first, gave me a hug, and some time to calm down, but she kind of had a "Come on, buck up, girlie!" attitude. I had to fill out all sorts of paperwork including diseases and conditions and medications. I put down PCOS and IR, and metformin as medication. Well shen she saw that, she said "You didn't put down that you have diabetes!" I explained to her that I don't have diabetes and she would NOT believe me. She had never eve HEARD of PCOS. When I would not budge and told her that yes, it DOES exist, she went and got this big reference book to look it up. "I can't find anything called P-C-O-S." I told her to try polycystic ovarian syndrome. Well she found that. All it said was "See Stein Levanthol Syndrome", so she looked that up and all it said was "Characterized by polycystic ovaries, type 2 diabetes, elevated male hormones, etc etc" Dated 1971. "See? Type 2 diabetes is part of the group." I tried to explain to her what IR is because that's why I take met, and she said "No, that's diabetes." So I then proceeded to educate her on what type 2 diabetes is. She didn't seem to appreciate that, but I sure as hell didn't appreciate being called a liar. I told her that I think my endo would have told me if I had diabetes, and then she dropped it.

To make things more fun, she butchered my inner elbow trying to put in the IV. She tried it twice up there and when it became too bruised to work with, she had to move down to my wrist. Probably wasn't her fault, but it still wasn't fun. AFTER the IV was in, she took my temperature. I had a fever. Great. It was 100.7 and they wouldn't have been able to do any anesthesia if it got up to 101. She told me I had an infection and asked how long ago I miscarried. I told her 4 weeks, and she said "Hmm... it shouldn't get this bad so soon. That usually takes 3 or more months to get that bad." So she made sure to tell the doctor.

An hour later, the doctor came in to touch base with me before the procedure. She seemed really young, so I asked her how many times she had done this. She smiled and said that was a very smart question to ask, but that she's older than she looks (she's 40, but looks 25!) and had done this close to 10,000 times by now. It was a sad fact, but I felt good that she was so experienced. Everything seemed fine until she tried to give me an explanation as to why I may have miscarried. "I really think that it's your use of metformin during the pregnancy that caused this to happen. There's new information out now that shows that metformin actually raises the risk of miscarriage." I couldn't not believe what I was hearing. It sounded to me like she was blaming ME for this miscarriage. All of a sudden, all the warm and fuzzy feelings I had for her disappeared. I just couldn't wait for this to be over. I dealt with it very well, though. I told her that it was not the time or the place to discuss this, but if she wants to show me a stody, article, or even an abstract in a few weeks, Ill definitely take it into consideration, but I did NOT want to talk about it right then.

Anyway, it wasn't long before I was out. The anesthesiologist gave me that "cocktail" and within 3 or 4 minutes, I was gone. I woke up 2 hours later not even realizing that I'd fallen asleep yet. I don't know why I was so afraid of going under the anesthesia, it's waking up that's the worst! I was disoriented, thirsty, and in a LOT of pain. They already had me on pitocin to contract the uterus (ow, ow, freaking OW) and morphine - which didn't do a thing. I was vommiting (what, I don't know, I was empty) and because I was in so much pain, they loaded me up with demerol, which made the sickness worse. I tried to sip water, but couldn't keep it down. The first hour was miserable until they put me on yet another pain medication (don't remember the name, but I would so have an affair with it) and stopped the pitocin. I remember the doctor saying something about giving me purcocet, and I ended up shouting "NO" because I'd had it before and do not handle it well. She sent me home with Darvocet and rx motrin instead. She also told me that she ended up taking out a whole lot more than they were expecting to find at this stage.

Over the next two hours, I was not doing well. The nurses said I should have been recovering faster and that they would probably have to keep me overnight. I absolutely did NOT want that. I was transferred to another curtained room where I had 2 nurses all to myself (I was the only patient in abulatory surgery, so I got a lot of attention - and DH got to come see me early!) . They gave me cranberry juice mixed with gingerale (for my stomach and throat) and eventually gave me a muffin to nibble on. After a while, they said it was time to try and go to the bathroom. They walked me over, which did not go well. I got very light-headed and nauseous, and felt sweaty all over, then I began to shake. My pad fell off, and there was blood all over the floor (sorry, TMI) so they sat me on the potty, and one of the nurses ran out of the bathroom and came back with this little packet that she popped and shoved in fromt of my nose - ammonia. Eeeewwww that stunk, but I did feel a bit better. However, they were still concerned that I would have to stay overnight.

Miraculously, a little while later, I made a VERY fast recovery. All the nurses kept commenting on how I suddenly looked so good (apparently, I was extremely pale) and thankfully, we were able to go home that night. I still have a difficult time standing and walking, but I was able to eat some food last night, and DH took the day off from work to be with me.

Even though there were some crappy moments, I am SO glad that I did this. It's beginning to look like perhaps the infection was caused by a bit of material that was never expeled from the first m/c. I never had AF before this pregnancy, and it would explain a LOT. Plus, I didn't pass very much at all with my first m/c. They've sent everything off for testing just to be sure, but that would explain the infection, and all the extra "stuff" that they found in there. To be honest, I hope that's what it was, so then I'll know that this miscarriage was just a fluke - a freak accident that's not likely to happen again.

People have been absolutely wonderful, ESPECIALLY DH (I call him Nurse Josh now). And when we got home, we found that our landlord had planted a garden for me while we away.

Thank you all SO much for your support. I don't think I could have brought myself to go through with this without all of your kind words and advice. You all have no idea what you mean to me in this time.

HopefulCyster · 05-09-2007, 12:10 PM

***HUGS*** Hun!!! I am SO glad that your doing better! If you need anything, let me know! Rest up and take it easy! **HUGS**

scjellybean · 05-09-2007, 01:24 PM

Oh my goodness Bekki...what an ordeal! I thought about you all day yesterday. I'm so glad you made it through the day and hopefully now you can heal both mentally and physically.

It's unbelievable sometimes how insensitive people can be...they just don't know what it is like to go through what we have all been through to get pregnant and sustain a pregnancy. People just totally take it for granted.

When do you go for follow ups? I go for hopefully my last blood test this week to check that my betas have come back to normal. As of last Friday they were at 22, so I'm hoping this will be it and then we can focus on the next step.

I just pray the next time will be so much better for all of us!

Sherry

Tensei · 05-09-2007, 03:16 PM

Thanks for all the support, ladies.

The nurse from my OB's office called this morning to see how I was doing. I told her how my head was just throbbing, and she said it was because of the extreme blood loss and she asked if I had been taking my iron.

This was news to me. Apparently, I lost so much blood that I nearly needed a transfusion. She was mad that the nurse at the hospital never told me to start taking iron. She told me to send DH to get some right away.

I think I'm beginning to understand now why my throat hurts so much. They said that I would be under for only about 30 minutes and that I wouldn't need a breathing tube. I know that I was actually under for 2 hours... maybe because of the complications? Maybe they id end up doing a breathing tube?

I'm the patient and I'm the last to know what happened. Oy.

lovepotato · 05-09-2007, 03:25 PM

bekki- I'm so glad you got through yesterday. I can't believe what a crappy nurse you had. I wish people understand that a life is a life, no matter how early they go. I'm glad you're ok, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

No one told you you'd lost so much blood? Good thing the nurse followed up!!!

RunnerDuck · 05-09-2007, 04:55 PM

You know I have wanted to ask if there was any chance your miscarriage could have in some way been related to not having had a period after your first miscarriage... but I didn't want to come across as "Could this be something you did?" because that's not quite how I mean it. That is kind of scary if an infection from the first miscarriage could be the explanation for this one... makes me a lot happier with waiting one cycle to try again! If that's really what happened here I think it's really good for other people to know about this possibility. I hope they are able to figure out what caused this and, as horrible as it has been, you are right, if it was an infection from the first m/c, it isn't likely to happen again and that is GOOD for you.

Glad your D&C is over. Sounds like quite an ordeal! And as annoying as that nurse was, not knowing about PCOS - it's all too common. I have encountered it way too many times, the "Oh, you're a diabetic..." thing when I say I am on metformin.

I am kind of alarmed by what your doctor had to say about metformin and miscarriage. I hope this is just misinformation on her part - if it is, I think YOU need to send HER an article or two. I'm going to look into this - hopefully I won't find anything.

Anyway I hope you are on the mend physically soon - glad your DH could be off work to take care of you at home.

mom2amy · 05-09-2007, 05:17 PM

I am so sorry. I hope you start to feel better soon. Rest up and take it easy.

SheriKCMO · 05-09-2007, 06:35 PM

I am so glad you got through that ordeal! If I were you I wouldn't go back to that hospital! What a twilight zone! Never hearing of pcos, not taking your word for it that you are not diabetic, then telling you not to stay on metformin during pregnancy? Holy Toledo. I would assume they are still using bone knives and bear skins around there?

((Hugs)) I hope the next chapter of your healing process goes much smoother!

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 05-09-2007, 07:00 PM

Bekki,
(((((BIG HUGS))))) I cried the whole time I was reading your post. I'm so sorry you had to endure so much. I do hope you're feeling better soon.

Once you're feeling better and have your floow up visit, please post any info about the m/c Met study your Dr. referred to. I'mnot on Met but, so many of our cysters are. I'm sure many cysters would find that interesting.

Please take care of yourself, and if you ever need to talk I'm here. Hugs to Dr. Josh too .

RunnerDuck · 05-09-2007, 07:13 PM

I am googling madly trying to find something about this alleged new information and I am really not having much success. You'd think it would be big news, right? Mostly I am finding that it decreases risk. I did find something here which is just hella confusing because it seems to both say it does and say it doesn't???

There are no placebo-controlled clinical trials to indicate whether pregnancy outcomes are improved in pregnancies that result from the use of insulin-lowering medications or whether pregnancy outcomes are better in those who continue metformin throughout the pregnancy or those who discontinue. Coetzee has shown that use of metformin to manage non-insulin dependent diabetes during pregnancy can be accomplished safely. We have initially noted that women who conceive following metformin, Actos or Avandia therapy have an unacceptably high (>30%) risk of miscarriage. Dr. Glueck notes similar increased risk of miscarriage following metformin therapy. He notes that the risk of miscarriage is increased in those patients with a prior history of miscarriage, those with high LH, high androgen levels, hyperinsulinemia or elevated PAI-Fx. Initial findings in a non-ramdomized trial suggest a decreased risk of miscarriage if metformin is continued throughout the pregnancy.

I dunno. I suspect women on met DO have more miscarriages compared to the general population but it is because of the PCOS - I think compared to women with PCOS not on met, they still have lower rates.

I have emailed my nurse to ask if there is new info out we should know about but I highly suspect that in this case the only new information is that Tensei's surgeon is a dumbass.

*~SugarPlums~* · 05-09-2007, 07:22 PM

Sorry about everything you have gone through hun (((hugs))).

Runner-When I went to my endo, he said that since we are going to be ttc that he wanted me off the met and purely on insulinn ( I am diabetic too) I was concerned and mentioned to him how many Drs are using met with patients who have pcos suring pregnancy and how it reduces mc rates. He went on to say that first, I am diabetic blah blah balh and that pcos in me is secondary , blah blah blah, and then went on to say something about new studies that are coming in and that he no longer prescribes met during pregnancy. hmmmm, I will have to ask him at my next appointment.

Fleegle4 · 05-09-2007, 09:14 PM

Terribly sorry to hear about your ordeal. This just sucks, but it sounds like something didn't go quite right. I would almost recommend for any follow-on treatment, you go to a different hospital. Even though we feel so very alone, miscarriage and D&C are quite common, they shouldn't have been so clueless. Take it easy and rest. At my two-week checkup with my doctor, that was the day that all the side effects seemed to stop and I'm back to normal. Doctor said everything was back to the way it was, which is actually hard for me to hear -- I still feel like there should be something changed that I could notice.

I am quite thankful that the hospital I went to knew exactly why I was there, and the first thing that the nurse said to me when I walked in was "I'm sorry you have to be here today". They didn't discuss anything technical about miscarriage, just gave me an envelope when I left with some information about aftereffects, support, and general information. I started to open the envelope that day, but quickly closed it again. I was able to read it (crying) the next day, and was able to read it more calmly a few days later. I had this period of numbness later where I actually opened it to prove that it had happened.

I think the reality of it is this. There are no guarantees in this world, and absent walking through a nuclear power plant in melt-down mode, there's no real way to understand why this happens to some of us and not others. If you need to be on met, take it. If you're only taking it because you think there's a small chance it could help things, maybe reconsider. But given that there's usually at least two studies on everything, usually taking opposite viewpoints, you can't worry about it all, or else go with the one that makes the most sense to you (vice the one that tells you what you want to hear -- I'm still trying to buy that one about the chocolate, ice cream, eat what you want whenever you want diet :-) )

Just relax now. Cry a lot. Avoid tv and stick to DVDs, as they're in the height of Mother's-day-itis. Send your husband out to buy your Mother's Day cards if you haven't already sent them. I was able to sign mine, no problem, but standing in front of that huge selection of cards last weekend overwhelmed me, as it was just everywhere, and when I got to the 'expectant mother's section' I had to go outside for a bit. I'm hoping the minister won't spend the sermon on Sunday talking about motherhood, but I suspect I'm out of luck on that. It's always going to hurt, but it won't always be this raw.

cheereeo · 05-09-2007, 09:45 PM

Bekki: I am so sorry you had some ignorant staff at the hospital. I am glad this phase is finally over for you. I wish you all the best the next few days while you "heal."

I, too, am greatly concerned about the comment about MET and its possible relation to your MC. I see RunnerDuck quoted a study from the expert Dr. Glueck. I wonder if KDMichelle happens to read this post, perhaps she can ask him first hand since he is her RE (at least I'm pretty sure he is her RE.). Please keep us posted after you let your RE know that they made this comment to you.

All the best honey; I am so glad you have such a supportive DH. You need someone close to you to be like him. This procedure is hard to handle sometimes. Hang in there. Don't be afraid to take your pain meds if you need them.

Tensei · 05-09-2007, 10:39 PM

Thank you all so much, ladies. I still can't fully express what your support means to me.

RunnerDuck, thanks for looking up that info! I told my OB that I'll take anything into consideration as long as I can see the data myself. I still have a hard time believing it, though.

As far as that hospital... yeah, I was disappointed. The crazy thing is that they're rated in the top 10 in the country for patient care. I wonder if the miscommunication was all just a result of the complications that came out of this procedure. I don't know. The truth is that I really couldn't NOT use this hospital. The other one is an hour away, and I've heard horror stories... plus my OBs don't serve that hospital, and the one I see (NOT the one that did the D&C - mine was out of town) is amazing. I first met her after my first m/c. I remember sitting there in the room, waiting, just trying not to cry. When she saw me break down, instead of just sitting there and staring at me, or talking over my tears, she gave me a tissue, and a great big hug, and told me that she understands my pain - she's miscarried, too. I felt this instant connection with her - someone who KNOWS what I'm going through. She's been nothing but an angel to me ever since.

So as far as the hospital is concerned, for one thing, I'm hoping never to have to be in ambulatory surgery again, but if I am, I'm going to make sure to follow up on my own.

Physically, I'm feeling more energetic, but I can't do a lot of standing or walking. It just hurts my head way too much. I managed to take a shower today, but DH had to stay with me just in case. My arms and legs were just covered in caked-on blood, and I couldn't bear to look at it anymore. That's finally gone, but I'm still covered in sticky stuff from bandages and sticky probe things & stuff... looks like it's gonna take a while to get rid of that. Unfortunately, the cramps seem to be coming back. They're not nearly as excruciating as they were with the pitocin, but they're getting uncomfortable. I was given some darvocet, but I'm not wild about more drugs right now. I dunno. I may just take another 800mg ibuprofen, but I'm not wild about that either...

Emotionally, I'm really not sure how I feel. I'm the kind that tends to tough-up and move on, but the physical pain is a constant reminder of what happened. I guess maybe I'm just numb right now. I don't know. I really just wish I could pretend that this didn't happen, but then I get feeling that way and get mad at myself for being such a crybaby. I guess I'm just so used to having to be the strong one for everyone else, I never learned how to really process things. I have a bad feeling that this is going to be a tougher road than I thought. Sometimes I feel guilty for NOT crying as much... I'm just confused.

In better news, DH has decided to take the rest of the week off from work. He's realized that he won't be able to concentrate at work this week, because he'll be too preoccupied worrying about me... I think that I'll be fine, but I think he needs to stay home more for him. I see him choking back tears at times and trying to be so strong for me... he's just putting every ounce of himself into taking care of me. I'm so proud of him. I told him tonight that he's my hero, and that I never could have made it through this without him. It is so much the truth.

kdmichelle · 05-09-2007, 10:51 PM

Hi ladies. Cheereo PM'd me and I am happy to ask Dr. Glucek about this. I just saw him today and I am pg. I see him about once a month so I will email him since I won't see him again for another month. He has told me repeatedly that he wants me to stay on the met during pregnancy.
I agree with what RunnerDuck is saying above. He probably was just noting that women with PCOS have a higher chance of m/c. But "Initial findings in a non-ramdomized trial suggest a decreased risk of miscarriage if metformin is continued throughout the pregnancy."