It's not a m/c, but

dilara87 · 05-12-2003, 11:37 AM

it hurts nevertheless

I just had my first IVF after more than two years of trying for a second child. Didn't work again...
What was bad this time is that I started testing with HPT couple of days before going for beta, first got a very faint + with Clearblue easy, tested again the same day with FRER and got a very +++ HPT. I know I should have never gotten my hopes up until the beta, but I had anyway. Well, it was chemical pregnancy, none of my two beautiful embies had a chance to stay. I don't know what is wrong with me. I ovulate with injectables, but that's it.

I don't post here often, usually I keep everything to myself, and it's getting harder and harder to do. This past weekend I just cried my eyes out, scared my son a lot.

Just a little vent, I guess, thanks for reading.

Dilara

Louie · 05-12-2003, 11:48 AM

(((Dilara))) I'm so sorry.

I know how frustrating it is, and it's so cruel that you had to see the +hpt first. I suppose if there's anothing "good" here, it is that at least it looks like the embies tried to implant however briefly. And since this was the first IVF, perhaps the second time will bring success. It's so hard, I know, and I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying that you won't give up.

I know that "what's wrong with me" feeling... After years of infertility, now it seems I have recurrent m/c. There's just no winning, and like you, I am mid 30s. But we have to hold onto hope and know that persistance does pay off. It can happen for us both.

But for now, just allow yourself to grieve this loss and know that we are pulling for you. (((hugs)))

dilara87 · 05-12-2003, 12:02 PM

Thank you, dear! It does hurt bad, but knowing that there is someone else that goes through exactly the same up and downs of infertility and understands you, does make it feel better.

And it is not a nice day in MA, too. I wish it was sunny and warm

Dilara

~Traci~ · 05-12-2003, 02:29 PM

I totally understand how frusterating this is. I'm waiting for my 3rd beta results to know whether they went up or down. My RE thinks I have a chem. pg. but nothing is happening (the first beta was 2 weeks ago). So today we're trying to figure out if it went up again or if it's started to go down again. This is only my first month of injectibles but we've been going through this for 3 years and nothing has worked until now. I know how you feel that you make follies and everything looks great then it just doesn't work out even w/ everything going great.

Sorry {{{{HUGS}}}}

Traci

MaLee · 05-12-2003, 05:13 PM

((((Hugs)))) When ever you need to vent, come to this board. The ladies here are very understanding and caring.

dilara87 · 05-12-2003, 06:06 PM

Thank you so much for listening, guys, I feel better with every hour passing by. There is more physical pain now, my af is going nuts from all that stimulation. I was as bloated as this only after my retrival.

I am going to see my RE this Friday

and we will decide about FET then.

Traci, I really hope your beta goes up tomorrow. There is so much variations with the numbers, some people just start lower, then the others, some even go throughout the pregnancy with low HCG (I have just read it somewhere, I believe it was Chicago IVF Center's website)

Dilara

~Traci~ · 05-12-2003, 06:38 PM

Thanks Dilara. I'll actually find out about my beta in about an hour. It's not looking too good b/c I have been spotting although it's been more brown than red so I've heard that might not bad but it's still not looking good.

Good Luck to you

Traci

dilara87 · 05-13-2003, 10:52 AM

Traci, good luck to you! Please keep us posted.

Dilara