We went for or first u/s yesturday. We were supposed to be 9weeks along. Our beatiful little baby was there, but there was no heartbeat. It measured at only 6wks 4days. So I guess it passed away a few weeks ago. I had no idea. No spotting, no lose of symptoms, nothing. I was expecting to see my little one and hear it's heart beating. My docotr sent me to the hospitol for b/w. My beta was 67331 2 weeks ago and it had fallen to around 50,000. I do not remeber the exact number. Now I go to the doc tomorrow to have another hcg What for? I do not know. She also said that I needed to decide on a D&C or to miscarry at home.
So that is the reason for my post. What do I do? Which is easier? My aunt who has experienced both, says to do the D&C. What do you all think. I am extremely against abortion and I'm afraid it will feel too much like one. I also fear losing a baby at home. I have anxiety attacks when I lose to much blood during af. My other consideration is what happens to the remains if I choice D&C. One website said that they burn them in the hospitol incenartor. It also said that I could request them to take home for burial. I really want the burial, but what if they say no? If I'm at home, I will have them.
I'm sorry this is so long. But I need advice from those of you who have went through this. THis was completely unexpected. i still haven't come to grips with it. I still feel pg. I just got finished throwing up before typing this.
Clarissa,
I'm so sad for you Sweetie. You and I would have had our babies at the same time, but they aren't with us anymore. This is just awful. And now your body is in limbo.
My midwife told me that once we deal with the loss emotionally, our bodies will pass what they need to pass. For many, it is easier to have the uterus emptied and they can move on. I'll let someone who's had a D&C speak about that. I myself would wait it out. Call me stubborn.
I'm sorry to say that you probably won't see any remains. Everything is still so soft and fragile at that stage, I doubt that you would notice the baby at all. They are less than a half inch long at six weeks or so, and so I feel that you should find another way to honor this child than try to find the body for burial. We recently planted a tree for our daughter who came at 23 weeks and plan to plant another one. I am walking in our local March of Dimes walk and plan to volunteer for them in many ways.
My point is that whatever you choose for your body to move on, you will join the rest of us who know how empty and awful a mother feels when her baby is gone. I doubt that one or the other would be emotionally better.
I wish you brighter days, and you can always talk to your cysters. We understand and care.
Take care,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
I am so sorry to hear about your baby. I myself chose to m/c naturally every time ~ well my first two were spontaneous so I had no choice but with the twins the second twin decided to try to hold on. I, like you, am very against abortion and felt a d&c would be too much like one.
With the second twin, my dr tried to rush me into a d&c without even doing an u/s because he thought it was in my tubes and since my beta had started to drop again he felt there was no hope. When we talked about it on the phone the night before I was too upset to say no to a d&c until I had an u/s but when I got into the office the next day I had regained my strength and I ripped him a new one!! When he finally agreed to the u/s, it turns out it was in my uterus and he gave me two weeks to try to go natural.
After two weeks I still had not m/c'd and I scheduled the d&c with the dr on call for two days later. Well, the idiot dr that I had seen only sent the dr on call an e-mail about me (I guess I wasn't important enough for him to actually talk to her) so she called me the night before the scheduled procedure to get the full scoop. She said it sounded like I really didn't want the d&c and asked me why I was rushing as I had a month to pass everything without risk of infection. I told her I wasn't in a rush ~ that the idiot dr was so she talked to me about alternatives.
I ended up using a drug called cytotec to m/c naturally at home and I totally recommend it to anyone that doesn't want a d&c. All I had to do was insert two pills vaginally every four hours up to four times (I needed all four doses and even then it took four days to pass everything ~ it usually only takes two days and I almost had to repeat the treatment). The new dr prescribed vicodin as well just in case I had intense cramping which I didn't need ~ Advil did the trick. Needless to say I no longer go to that dr office.
Okay, this post ended up being much longer than I anticipated. I guess the moral of my story is from what you said in your post, I would recommend trying to m/c naturally. I wanted to let you know that there are choices other than the d&c if time goes by and you still haven't m/c'd. Sometimes it takes a while to start bleeding as your hcg level is still very high. I really can't comment on d&c's as I've never had one myself.
I hope this goes quickly for you so you can start the emotional healing process. I don't blame you for wanting to bury your baby. I've wanted to each time but my dr's always had me bring what I passed to the lab. I now wear earrings in the birthstones of the months each of my kids were due in to memorialize them (I have a lot of holes in my ears). Feel free to pm or e-mail me if you ever need to talk.
(((((big hugs)))))
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(((Clarissa)))
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Seven years ago, I was in your same position. I had my first u/s at 10 1/2 weeks, only to find out that our baby had died at 7w2d. It was heartbreaking. At that time, we decided to go with the D&C. I was so mad, mad at the world, mad at the doctors, but most of all mad at my body because I felt like it had betrayed me! I still felt pregnant! My body had given me no clue that my baby had gone to Heaven so quickly! It was a Friday, and we had to wait the weekend out. It was absolutely horrible. I just wanted to do the D&C so that we could move on with our lives! So that's what we did. I don't know what they did with the baby's remains, we never asked. I guess I felt that the important thing for me was that I knew it was a baby, our baby, and that he/she was up in Heaven, and one day I'd meet our first baby there.
I got pg again 3 months later, and was more carefully monitored with an RE that time. She gave me u/s's every week. At 8w1d, the u/s showed that the baby's heart had stopped beating the day before (she measured at 8w). We went over to the hospital for another u/s, and it was confirmed that once again another child was gone. This time it was over New Years. So, again, we waited about 3 or 4 days, and opted for the D&C. I begged the RE to test the baby and see if they could find a reason as to why I miscarried again. When the pathology report came back 2 months later, it stated that our baby girl had an extra chromosome on the 13th strand, known as Trisomy 13, or Patau's Syndrome. It is a condition that is 'incompatible with life.' Because we were able to have that testing done and were lucky enough to find the answer, I felt a closure with that m/c. I don't know what they did with her remains either. I just know that she is in Heaven with her brother or sister. We gave each of the babies names, Mackenzie Jordan is our first child, Sarah May is our second. Our now 5 year old daughter knows that she has 2 very special Angels in Heaven watching over us. Naming our babies has made them a part of our family, and has helped us so much. We went to a m/c support group who suggested that we do that. And as Sheri said, planting a tree in the memory of your child is a wonderful thing to do.
Now, as for the D&C or natural question, because they were able to test our second baby, the D&C was the right way for us to go so that we could have an answer and some closure. At the time, I had no idea that D&C's (especially repeated) can cause damage to the uterus. It wasn't until just last year while we had been TTC for a year and a half with no luck that I learned that D&C's have the possibility of injuring and scaring the uterine lining, which cannot be repaired. Nobody ever told me that at the time of my D&C's, and I guess I was thinking about the future at that point anyway. After my RE told us this last year, I knew that if I ever was able to get pg again, and did have another m/c, then we would do the nautrual approach and wait it out. After already having 2, my lining was not as good as it should be, and I didn't want to do further damage to it. They will keep measuring your HCG, whether you have a D&C, or miscarry at home, to make sure it goes down to 0.
I'm thinking of you and your family, and praying for you as you go through this.
Kelly
I am so sorry sweetie. I'm sorry you have to make this decision. When I m/c a few months ago it was spontaneous, and happened completely naturally. I was 6w3d. Only the first day of bleeding was real heavy, but not serious enough to think I needed to go to the ER.
It sounds like you're really hesitant about a D&C. I used to work for an ob/gyn and assisted the dr's in numerous D&Cs. There wouldn't be any body to bury. I don't want to go into detail because this is hard enough for you as it is. I know all tissue goes to the pathology lab, but what they do with the remains I don't know.
While I would assist the dr, I would also assist the patient. I would hold her hand and cry right along with her. I would dry her tears and answer her questions the best I could. I wish I could do the same for you right now.
I really care about my cysters, and want you to pm or email me with any questions or if you just want to talk.
__________________ April (34) ~ Travis (31) Married 3/17/01
m/c Jan 04 @ 6w3d
Conner Lee born 9/22/05 via c-section
7lb 13oz 19.5 in
12 mo stats: 22lb 3oz 31 in
18 mo stats: 25lb 2oz 35 in
24 mo stats: 28lb 4oz 37 in
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We have already decided to plant a tree in honor of our little one. We've decided on a Weeping Willow. I think that's appropriate.
We have also decided to name the baby. We haven't thought of anything yet, but we will name it something that could be used for both a boy and a girl. The names we had picked out, just won't work for both.
As for the d&c or natuarl, I go to the doctor in 2 hours and I still have no idea what to do.
SheriKCMO - It seems like there are so many of us former Nov Due dates over here. I guess this wasn't our month.
lots_of_dots - I think the birthstone thing is a lovly idea. I had already ordered a new charm for my bracellet for this baby. I was wondering if it would be appropriate to add it. After reading your post I realize it would be inappropriate not to. I will look for something with November's birthstone on it.
kellymay - I had no idea a d&c could damage my uterus. Thanks so much for that information.
April_Bee - It sounds like they do the d&c in the office then. I was wondering about that. My doctor has a very small office though, so I'm not sure that she would do it at the hospitol. As for the remains, I still can't imagine them burning them, even if I can't tell what it is.
Clarissa,
Please let us know how the doctor visit has gone and if you're closer to a decision. Remember that you can change doctors if you don't think your feelings are being addressed. Take care of yourself, sweetie. I'm glad you're adding this baby's stone to your bracelet. It is unfair to our grieving hearts to try and turn off our feelings and investment in these little ones whom we will always remember and be mothers to.
Your partner in grief,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
Clarissa-
I hope everything went as well as can be expected at the dr. What ever decision you made will be the right one for you. I am still waiting mine out. I hate the thought of having another procedure. I stuck it out last m/c too. It seems like it takes forever to happen and it is not fair that we still have the symptoms while we wait. My doctor left the d&C option open for me if I change my mind. I don't think I will. I am so sorry I had to see you over on this board too. There are way too many of us here. Good luck and let us know how everything goes.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
I will be having a D&C tomorrow rather than letting it go at home. I am afraid it will be to emotional to do it at home. How much more emotional could this get though? I am scheduled at 10am. It will be performed at the hospitol.
Never in a million years did I think just 3 short days ago, that I'd no longer be pg by weeks end. I hate this. This is so unfair. It hurts so bad. I was hoping to wake up this morning and this be a bad dream. When I woke up I looked around and then I remembered. I can't stop crying. I have cried ever since my u/s on Tuesday. I went for my pre-op blood work today. It felt like I was taking the first step to get rid of my baby. I HATE THIS! This is not how an u/s is supposed to turn out. This is not how my pg was suppose to end. I was suppose to be holding a beautiful baby in my arms in November.
We have decided to call it Alex. Since that would work for either a boy or girl. My husband took me today after my appt. to get a tree. We decided to plant one in honor of our little Alex. We decided on a weeping willow. Did you know that the scientific name actually has "baby" in it. Salix babylonica. We were thinking of a weeping elm, until we saw that.
As for me physically, I am having severe back and stomach cramps. I stopped my progesteron yesturday. I know that my progesteron level was not what caused the death of my baby though. She tested it and it came back at 30. My 1 hr glucose was 182 though.
After my D&C I will go on b/c. I will also have a 2 hr test. I want to get this under control before I try again. She said that she'd like me to wait 3 months. I start back on my glucophage today.
I went for another beta today. I'm not expecting any miracles, but she just want to be sure. I'm glad of that.
Please pray for me that everything goes well tomorrow. I am very nervous, but I want to get this over with. I don't want it to drag out. My mom wanted to come, but I told her no. I appreciate her support, but I don't want to make a production out of this. I just want it over with.
Sorry this has been so long. I will probably copy it to my ttc buddies. Good thing I keep in touch with them, as I will be joing them again.
Although I can't identify with your pain because I have never had a m/c, I just wanted to let you know that I'm saying a prayer for you. I pray that God will give you strength to get through this horrible ordeal, bring you peace, and bless you with another child soon.
God Bless! You are in my prayers!
Anissa
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Clarissa,
I completely understand your decision to have the D&C. As I mentioned in my previous post, that was the decision we came to with both of our m/c's. I just wanted to tell you that I'm praying for you as you go through the operation today. I hope it all goes smoothly, and that you will soon be on the road to healing, both physically and emotionally.
((HUGS))
Kelly
Who replied to my posts. Your support means everything to my husband and me. We have both read every post, and are truly touched by my cysters kindness. My dh wanted me to make sure that I thanked you all for him as well.
Yesterday was somewhat of a roller coaster. First I hate hospitals. I had never been to this one, Takoma Adventists. Everyone on staff there was so nice, though. I really felt like they cared what I was going through. I was afraid that they would act as if it was just tissue. But they all treated me really well, and said that they were sad for my loss. Now to the roller coaster. When I got there I told them that I wanted my beta to compare to Tuesday's before anything was done. When it came, I was shocked, it has risen. It did not double though, it went from 52,000 to 54,000(I don't remember the exact numbers) When I saw that I told then that I wanted to talk to my doctor. So she called my room (she wasn't there yet). She was really nice and told me that she wanted me to be at ease with what I was doing and that if I wanted to put it off and run more numbers next week that I could, but she also assured me that the numbers would have had to double and that there was no positive heartbeat. I told her that I wanted to go ahead with the d&c, but I wanted another u/s first. I had to be sure, I didn't want to live with any doubt in my mind. So she ordered an u/s. Things were exactly as I expected. It even showed some bleeding, even though I had not bleed yet. The u/s operator could not find the baby, and attempted to find a h/b, but of course there was not one. There was a sac. She marked what she thought could be the baby, but she also said that the baby had probably decomposed by now.
So anyway I had the d&c. Before I was put under I started crying, and they gave me something to calm me down. Then I was put under a short while later. When I woke up in recovery I was weeping rather profusely, realizing that I no longer had my baby with me. My doctor gave me an injection of Xanex for my nerves, and also prescribed some for me to take at home. I am really glad of that. It has truly helped me get through the past 24 hours. She gave me enough to last for a while, but I will only take it as needed, I don't want to become dependant on it. I do need to grieve. I am also on percaset for the pain. It is very painful! I have been asleep 95% of the time since I got home. Mostly so I won't be awake to think about it.
I know that some of you that have shown support to me have recently or are now going through the same thing. I am truly sorry for your loss also, and I am sorry that I haven't taken the time to respond to your posts as well. The pain is still really fresh, but I promise my prayers and thoughts are with my cysters also. Maybe as time passes I can be more supportive for you as well.
I will probably cut and paste this to my other posts, I hope no one is offended by that, but at this point it is easier on me emotionally not to talk, or type, about this to much.
Pa1nter- I am so sorry once again. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. Please just take care of yourself. This is not the time for you to worry about responding to posts or offending anyone. You and your husband are the ones that you need to take care of. Do take the xanax as needed. I have been doing the same. I don't want get dependant either (it is probably easy to when you feel so crappy all the time) I take usually just a 1/2 to make me sleep. I am still waiting for the horrible day and sleep whenever I can too, not to think about it. Please just get lots of rest and let DH take care of you for awhile. You are lucky like I am to have such a supportive and caring husband. My prayers and thoughts continue to be with you and your family.
Sad, D&C or naturally? 
