and the saga continues...

Jewels · 03-10-2006, 04:30 AM

Well guess what lovely news I found out about the only two hospitals in Reno, NV that do deliveries? They are both not adoption friendly! They both will allow adoptive parents for the delivery but after the birth the adoptive parents are banned from the hospital for 24 hours!!!!!!!! It doesn't matter if the birthmother requests that you stay and support her or anything they just kick you out of the hospital!

I'm just sick about this. I mean what about our birthmom? She's going to be there completely without our support during such a emotional time? What about all the bonding that is so important between adoptive parents and newborns?

If the hospitals are afraid of the birthmom being pressured into something then don't allow contact with the birthmom not the baby!!!

Sorry but this just makes me so sad.

and angry!

Julia

dna · 03-10-2006, 03:36 PM

{{ hugs }} Julia

Is there another city near you that is friendly ? I dont remember if you mentioned where BM lives but it might be an option...

Did you ask the hospital why ? I assume you did but it seems like a silly rule, I could understand if you had a gun in her back and were forcing you...there should be a waiver she could sign saying you can be there at her own risk...

Hhhmmmm .. sorry you are now going thru this ..

Jewels · 03-10-2006, 07:01 PM

Thanks! She's in Sparks,NV and that's why we have to use the Reno,NV hospitals. There aren't really any other choices for hospitals. We live only about 2.5 hours from her in California and things here are SO much better for birthparents and adoptive parents.

As to how the policy came into practice the NV agency director told me that years ago there was a social worker at the hospital (Washoe Medical Clinic) that didn't believe in adoption and somehow was able to implement this policy. The agency did a four hour training with administration and even brought along a birthmom to share her views and they still wouldn't open their minds. So they started having all the birthmoms go to St. Marys and then the next thing you know is that St. Mary's adopts the same policy. I'm sure at St. Mary's it was because they were getting too many Medicaid deliveries or something.

You'd think that a Catholic run hospital would support adoption. After all, these women made a decision not to have an abortion.

I'm trying to get a hold of the administration at the hospitals but having some difficulty. I'm going to start writing some letters first to the hospitals and then NV elected officials (which they won't probably care because I'm from CA) and then because both are non-profits I'm going to look at who their contributors are and where their funding sources come from and start sending a few letters to them. At one time in my life I was an advocate for Battered women and abused children and at another time I advocated for the homeless. I guess now I'll be advocating for adoptive families, and birth families but mostly my little unborn baby's right to have me there with her from the second that she's born!

Mustard Seed · 03-10-2006, 07:05 PM

Julia - I'm so sorry to read this. Reno, NV seems like a big enough city to have more than just those two options for those giving birth. Would a midwife or birthing center be available, and would they let you be there with the baby? It seems so unfair that the hospital's policy is to ban the adoptive parents for 24 hours after the birth! Are there higher-up's in the hospital that you can talk to that might have a reason as to why they do this? I know that knowing why won't help, but maybe there could be a way around it. I'm sad and angry with you...

Mustard Seed · 03-10-2006, 07:14 PM

I didn't see your post until after I posted. Sounds like you have a good plan! I'm praying that everything works out for you and your baby!

Jewels · 03-10-2006, 07:23 PM

That area really isn't all that big. I haven't looked into Carson City but that might be too hard for our birthmom to get to because she doesn't have transportation. I did have a woman on another message group say her friend is a midwife but our birthmom wants medication to help her through the delivery and because she had toxemia with her first pregnancy and a miscarriage at 5 months on another pregnancy I don't think that would work for us. Although I would LOVE it!

I think the reason why they do this was probably born out of fear that a woman might be pressured into giving her baby up by the adoptive parents but they don't take into account that there are positive adoptions with loving supportive relationships and how damaging this is.

dna · 03-10-2006, 07:37 PM

Write your letters and shout LOUD !

See what you can do to help Moms in the future..both Birth and Adoptive

You can do it ! Its a crappy policy and it needs to be changed .. you go girl !

Jewels · 03-10-2006, 08:59 PM

Thanks ladies!!!! I have to do something. I just have problems with it for so many reasons. I hate it when a black and white "policy" gets made without considering all the consequences. Especially when it's really done out of fear and control. Which is the case in this situation. The other message it sends out is that women are too weak and that we can't make educated, loving decisions on our own that we need to be protected by the great big powerful policy makers. CRAZY! It takes away the rights of a woman to choose who may be present to support her in the hospital. Being in the hospital lends itself to feelings of vulnerability and taking away a person who in our case will have been with her for 6 months and supported and encouraged her through the whole process just seems unethical to me.

Now the other issue I have is that here's my little baby and what if she needs some type of medical care and I have no say?

I'm going to be doing a LOT of praying about this because it just all seems so wrong and really something needs to happen.

Julia
p.s. Please forgive the typos and spelling errors. I know there has to be a ton! lol

Adoption Momma · 03-10-2006, 09:21 PM

I can understand the hospital wanting to make sure a birth mom isn't being forced to give up her rights. BUT, why not a form that gets consent for the adoptive parents to be there? I mean, the birth mom could lie and say you were her sister or something, ya know? So, it doesn't seem to be a very effective policy.

Since it's about 2.5 hours, what about the birth mom coming to your area? Not necessarily stay at your home, but perhaps a nice hotel suite???

I checked Nevada state law; here is one section:

NRS 127.070 Validity of releases for and consents to adoption.

1. All releases for and consents to adoption executed in this state by the mother before the birth of a child or within 72 hours after the birth of a child are invalid.

2. A release for or consent to adoption may be executed by the father before the birth of the child if the father is not married to the mother. A release executed by the father becomes invalid if:

(a) The father of the child marries the mother of the child before the child is born;

(b) The mother of the child does not execute a release for or consent to adoption of the child within 6 months after the birth of the child; or

(c) No petition for adoption of the child has been filed within 2 years after the birth of the child.

[7:332:1953]—(NRS A 1979, 1283; 1987, 2050; 1989, 531)

http://www.leg.state.nv.us/NRS/NRS-1...l#NRS127Sec010

I'm sure you've checked into this, but perhaps since state law gives the birth mom 72 hours, the hospital used this to enforce their 24 hour policy.

I hope you can find a way to be there from the moment your precious little girl enters the world and every moment afterwards.

Lisa67 · 03-10-2006, 09:24 PM

I'm so sorry this is happening! I wish you lots of love & luck in the coming months as you anticipate your child's arrival--and I hope that what you are working towards for your delivery works out. What a miracle it'll be for you to be there by her side and with your child in those first few days of life.

Keeping my fingers crossed that the hospital hears you and does the right thing for all involved!!

HUGS

Jewels · 03-10-2006, 10:18 PM

Hi Tina,

Yes we were aware of the 72 hour law. That's for relinquishment or in NV I think they call it consent for placement. You would think that law would be enough that the hospital wouldn't have to start making their own. In fact the baby HAS to either 1) stay with the birthparent for those 72 hours or 2) be placed in a foster home. How the agency deals with this is that adoptive parents rent a hotel room for the birthparents and themselves with an adjoining door and they basically live next to each other for 72 hours.

We've thought about and offered moving the birthmom to CA but the birthfather can't leave NV so I don't think she wants to do this. If she was here it would be so much easier for all of us but I don't think that's going to happen unfortunately.

Thanks for the reminder Lisa that what's most important... the miracle of becoming a mommy! I really need to hold on to that because it's easy to get caught up in all the challenges of the process.

Adoption Momma · 03-10-2006, 11:00 PM

I'm sure you've seen this before. Yesterday our kids former counselor sent this to me. I had read it before, but it felt good to read it again.

The Legacy of an Adopted Child
Author: Unknown

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother.

Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun.

The first gave you life
And the second taught you how to live it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of a talent
The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears.

One gave you up~
It was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me
Through your tears
The age old question
Through the years

Heredity or environment~
Which are you the product of?
Neither my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love.

Jewels · 03-10-2006, 11:11 PM

It's a beautiful poem isn't it? LOVE IT!

Jewels · 03-16-2006, 09:53 PM

Yippee I have happy news about the policy!!! Take a look at my happy news post!!!